Being Me

Saturday's results: Public transport - 49. Fran Hill - 0 None of it was Chiltern Railways' fault, to be fair. They did their best in the circumstances ... I'd set my alarm for 6.30. I needed an early bus to the station, then a train to Birmingham for a day of writers' workshops. I'd been looking forward to it. I hadn't checked the internet to make sure there were no hiccups in terms of engineering works. Everything went well and I had a lovely day.  First, I forgot to turn the sound up on my phone, so at 6.30 the alarm went 'Ungh, ungh, ungh' making little effort noises to wake me. I slumbered on. Poor wee alarm, so keen to help. At 7.32, I woke. It's funny how quickly sweat can appear on one's forehead. Pff pff pff.  Little prickles of moisture, and then a sick feeling in my stomach, the same as you'd get if you'd just arrived for your package holiday in Spain and remembered that you'd ironed some clothes for your holid...

My husband came home from his allotment yesterday with some gooseberries. When I say 'some', I mean 'enough to make a crumble to feed Warwickshire'. It was a sunny evening. We sat at the garden table with the gooseberries in a giant bowl between us. 'I need to prepare these for the freezer,' he said. 'Do you want to help me get them done before we cook dinner?' I stood up so that I could see him over the tower of fruit. 'No, I don't want to, particularly,' I said. 'But if I don't, I fear dinner will happen in the early hours of tomorrow morning.' I sat down again, and began. He was using a tiny pair of scissors, but I was using my fingernails, which was quicker. Pick off the top. Pick off the tail. In the pan. Pick off the top. Pick off the tail. In the pan. Pick off the top. Pick off the t - 'This is a kind of hell,' I said, after half an hour. 'Did you hear Farming Today the other morning? They were saying ...