Being Me

I keep hearing more news about library closures or libraries having to cut their opening hours/staff/stock/costs/losses. Arrgggh. I wrote this poem a couple of years back. I wonder whether, in ten or twenty years' time, some of the images in it will seem archaic and quaint, like something from a previous era. Towards the exit I find a book on Shakespeare’s life, misplaced in the Cookery section.  No worries. Here’s a blue corner chair, a vase of optimistic daffodils on a windowsill and an hour to laze through glossed pages. A woman with a stick and a wheeze tugs herself up the ramp to Fiction.  She smiles to find new romance in ‘Recently Returned’. She leans against a pillar for the first pages in which Marion flies to Morocco with a sad heart. A young man, tall, unshaven, taps his dreams into an online form. He bends towards the screen as if in prayer to a fickle deity, scrolling up and down for errors, for slips, for what he's missed...

I don't know if you've read 'Room'.  I've read it twice now, once for pleasure and then a re-read to teach it.  I've been reminded of the book twice today, once for a trivial oh-doesn't-Fran-find-silly-things-amusing reason and once for a much more serious reason. The novel is about a woman who's been abducted and trapped for years by a man in a shed in his garden.  She has had a child by him and the only world the 5 year old child knows is 'Room'.  The mother faces problems when he begins to grow old enough to realise that the world he sees on the TV represents the real world, and she begins to plan to get him out.  It's a really fabulous read.  Donoghue says that the Fritzl case in Austria partly inspired her story.  She writes about her novel on her website  here If you've been watching the news today about the three women and a 6 year old child found trapped in a house in Ohio (item  here ), you'll know why I thought about the...

I'm not making any of my own New Year   Guaranteed-Total and Depressing Failures Resolutions.  Instead, I thought I'd make a list of New Year resolutions which some literary characters   should  have made .... Resolutions that would have made these characters' lives easier, and the stories a hell of a lot shorter ..... Red Riding Hood: When taking cakes to grandparents, go the city route. Pilgrim: Steer clear of Sloughs. Gulliver: Don't ever lie down in someone else's country. Dr Frankenstein: Use different materials for my sewing hobby. Madame Bovary: Read up on how long the effects of arsenic last. Dr Jekyll: Learn to live with my self selves Jude the Obscure: Refuse to be a character in any of Hardy's novels Holden Caulfield: Revise. Jay Gatsby: Never let the woman drive. Piggy: Lose weight before any journey on a plane. Lennie Small: don't hold on for quite so long. Mr Bennet: Develop a hearing problem. Dorian Gray: Just as...

What would some classic books have been like had the writers got a bit fed up of the main characters and just edited them out?  To be honest, I quite like the sound of some of these plot lines. In 1930s America, mice and rabbits get on with their lives in peace. Voldemort wears a puzzled expression. Boat for sale, suitable for three or more men, and dog (optional), unused. Sancho Panza finds himself the unexpected star of various adventures. Various corpses get to keep their body parts. Rochester stares moodily into the fire a lot more. Ishmael ends up fishing for skipjack tuna. In the absence of a crazed doctor to use them for transformational purposes, someone uses the salts for their chips. A rye field lies undisturbed. A late 19th century portrait painter, without a cocky young rake to paint, embarks on a still life of some fruit. Women in Whitby find other uses for garlic. Various horses find their own way to Canterbury, un-entertained by lewd stories...

Another Fairy Tale adapted for parents and grandparents who would rather watch TV than read lengthy bedtime stories ... A beautiful girl called Cinderella lived with two ugly sisters who treated her like a slave.  One morning, an invitation came from the Prince to a lavish ball.  Both of the ugly sisters were very excited, and had already booked Botox appointments, but Cinderella, who was not allowed to go, despite being naturally smooth of forehead, was sad.              As the sisters set off, fluttering their fans, Cinderella cried.              She sat alone in the kitchen.  Suddenly, there was a ping and Cinders glanced towards the microwave, but it was actually a Fairy Godmother who had appeared in the corner of the kitchen.  (Cat flap?)   Unlike most Fairy Godmothers, this one was not smiling or happy.  Unlike most, she...

Well, here I am, knowing that my son's wife is in labour, and waiting for a phone call to say, 'You are officially a Granny!  Get in that rocking chair NOW!' So, while I wait, I thought I would post another of the shortened fairy tales I will be using with my grandchild if I'm babysitting but really wanting to watch telly and eat Cadbury's Milk Tray. And, anyway, someone requested this one .... The Three Little Pigs Three little pigs lived with their mother.  One day, the pigs decided they would seek their fortunes, so off they went, knapsacks over their shoulders.  On the way, they spotted a wolf who seemed to be eyeing them speculatively. ‘We’d better build ourselves houses to live in,’ said one pig, ‘otherwise that wolf might get us.’  The others agreed this was a good plan. They decided to build the first house out of twigs.  ‘Who’s going to live in this twig house, then?’ asked the eldest pig.  ‘Because I certainly don’t want to.’ B...