'Yes, my appointment's at 2. Er, honeybun.'
'No, I mean are you here for the MRI suite?'
'Ah, yes. I'm having a scan of my knee.'
'Could you sit over there, please? We'll call you.'
'What will you call me this time? Coochy-coo?'
[10 minutes later.]
'Do come through. Are you wearing anything metal?'
'Is my gold-encrusted underwear a problem?'
'You might need to remov -'
'It was a joke.'
'Any metal plates in your mouth?'
'No, my smile is always as big as this.'
'Is your bra wireless?'
'Yes, and I can print from it without using a USB connection.'
'Are you wearing a watch?'
'It's 2.05. Glad to be of help.'
'Please take the watch off and lie down here. I'll give you some headphones because the machine is very noisy.'
'What's on the headphones?'