If so, I offer these instructions to make your experience as close as possible to the one I had today on my journey back from a writers' holiday in Wales.
You will need:
1. a cheap ticket for a two-hour journey on a British train;
2. a hen party of eight twenty-something girls wearing lurid pink teeshirts emblazoned with 'JANE'S HEN PARTY' and carrying a supermarket's alcohol aisle in carrier bags. If you can get them to have conversations at volumes more suitable for shouting across canyons ('Who wants water? Anyone want water as well as the wine?' 'Oh, we're not going to do …