Showing posts from October, 2012

Reasons not to leave Daddies at home with small rodents nearing the end of their lives

I stepped out of the house yesterday morning and, towards me, padded a neighbour's cat.  I beckoned to it and said, 'Come here, Puss, and have a stroke.'

The cat eyed me suspiciously as if thinking, 'Does she like me, or does she want me to have a blood clot that paralyses one side of my body?'

This episode amused me.  (It doesn't take much.)  I walked on to work grinning like an eejit, with the people driving past thinking, a) She's just stroked a cat and it's cheered her up or b) She's just watched a cat get paralysed and gets her kicks in a very odd way.

Then I remembered a gerbil we used to have when our kids were little.  Poor old Blackie.  It's bad enough being born a gerbil, to be honest, without suffering the indignities he did....

We had two gerbils, Brownie and Blackie.  I know these sound unoriginal names, but the people we inherited them from had called them Brahms and Liszt which is rhyming slang for 'pissed'.  We wanted saf…

Evidence that problems in concentration have fully taken hold ...


I google 'Nursery Rhymes' because I'm thinking I might ruin a few for people by adapting them, just for something to do.  Up comes 'Baa Baa Black Sheep'.  I click on that to get the rhyme, and it takes me straight to a website featuring Italian women in skimpy underwear and a big flashing message saying, 'I am Lolita and if you call me right now, we can do lots of sexy talk.'

Well, Lolita, I am Fran, and if I called you right now, I'm afraid sexy talk would not be on the agenda, but just to pep up your night, I could run you through the basics of semicolons, the apostrophe, and the difference between the active and passive voice.

Hey!  Am I onto something here? If I set up a chatline, offering advice on grammar, but in a husky-husky  voice, would I get many takers?  I could give it a go, because I've just had a cold, and am at that stage where you sound like a woman in a Bond movie, until, that is, you start coughing like a woman in a cos…