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Showing posts from March, 2015

Evidence that you can use a duck-billed platypus to say almost anything

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Just a reminder that, on my new blog, once a week or maybe twice I'm posting up ideas, tips and exercises - along with a few laughs - for anyone who loves to write.

There are a few posts up there now. Today's is about using a variety of sentence types to lift your writing style.

Go and have a look or recommend to any writer friends. And follow to get regular updates.  Here's the link.

Writing with the use of a duck-billed platypus








Evidence that you can't always find a common theme however hard you try

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I have some things to tell you. I'll attempt to link them all together, but I don't yet know how. Let's wait and see.

1. Near my house, an alleyway leads under a railway bridge. On the wall of the bridge, some kid who has a GSOH but won't get a GCSE in English has sprayed, in enormous white painted letters, this message:

'Call the Graffiti Removeral Hotline.com!'

2. I noticed, yesterday morning while making my packed lunch of home-made cheese coleslaw, that when you grate cheese, it behaves itself, but when you grate carrot, it goes everywhere but into its assigned container. The cheese obediently grated into the sandwich box, yet only three shreds of carrot landed in there. The rest was a) on my cardigan; b) on the walls; c) on the work surface; d) still on the carrot. Retrieving shreds of carrot from various surfaces is not the way to start a working day.

3. When I log in to my computer, it asks for a password. When I mistype the password, it says to me in it…

Reasons why the Internet isn't always a good thing

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Short story entitled 'Why people shouldn't go to the Internet for medical help.'

'What's that strange lump on my leg? Surely that wasn't there before,' thought the woman.

She Googled it. 'Strange lump on leg,' she typed.

Website 1 said, You have a lump on your leg. It will go soon. Do not worry.

Website 2 said, You have probably bumped yourself without realising. It will go soon. Do not worry.

Website 3 said, This is probably a fatty lump or a benign cyst. It will go soon. Do not worry.

Website 4 said, You have a fast-growing incurable malignant fibrous histiocytoma. See a doctor immediately and check that you have no diaries lying around.

She felt the lump again. Surely, since she started Googling, it had grown thirteen times bigger?

The End.





Medics seem to hate it when you turn up at the surgery and say, 'Doctor, I've googled this, and apparently .....'  I guess they know what's coming. 'Doctor, I've googled this, and I thi…