My husband brought THIS home.
Here is the conversation we had about it.
Me: What be this abomination, my master? Please remove it from my scullery or I will cave in your head with my chopping block.
Him: It be charcoal bread, my love.
Me: It can be charcoal, my master. Or it can be bread. It cannot be both of those things, or I am not a wench.
Him: Would your pretty mouth like a taste of it, my love? I will tear you off a piece and layer it with fresh butter from our dairy cow.
Me: I would like nothing less, master. In fact, I would rather eat my own ear wax than consider it.
Him: Then I will have to feast on it myself which I am pleased to do.
Me: From whence did you purchase it and how many pennies did it cost thee?
Him: It cost three hundred and fifty pennies, my dearest.
Me: THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY? Have you been eating of the mushrooms underneath the old elm, my master? Or quaffing from the secret hoard ke…