Seven non-interesting things about me
Hold on there. You probably have time to go and eat out, while I'm thinking of the interesting things.
Okay, here goes.
Nope. Damn, I had something there. Then it went straight out of my head.
I'll be right back. Go and have coffee and cake.
Right, here we go. Number One.
Aw, shucks. For a minute there, I thought ....
No, hang on, hang on, something's coming. It's faint, it's tenuous, but it's there ....
Boy, this is hard. A fly flew past my face and, bang, all concentration gone.
I'll just go and ask the Husband.
Hi, I'm back. Nope, he can't think of a thing either. I'll call my kids.
Sigh. Not a bean. They said they'd all have a good think and ring me back, but I've waited an hour now and the phone is uncomfortably silent.
I know. I'm just going to have to say NON-interesting things. I can think of seven of those, no problem. Sorry and all that, about not playing the game properly, but I even asked the fly, who just buzzed past me again, and he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head and couldn't think of anything. He said he could think of seven interesting things about himself, but not about me.
So, here I go. Seven non-interesting things about me. And then I'll recommend some interesting blogs to relieve your suffering.
1. The first word I learned to spell was 'soliloquy'. I wrote it on the board at school and got lots of praise from the teacher, and from then on was very unpopular with the rest of the class as I was only 8, and smug as a rat on a fresh corpse.
2. I keep a to-do list on coloured paper so that I can see the edge of it poking out of my school diary and can whip it out to write things on so that I don't forget them. If I lost my coloured list, I would be found wandering the corridors mumbling incoherently, as it is really my brain transferred onto paper.
3. My favourite birthday card is one I bought myself and made my colleagues at work sign because I wanted them to have a birthday club and they wouldn't because they were all men. I wrote in it, 'To our favourite colleague' and made them write their names before they could have any cake.
4. I don't know how to work keys in doors. I get locked out of anyone's home in which I am staying and have to call them for a tutorial.
5. I look terrible in yellow, as if I need an ambulance.
6. Nine times out of ten, if I give people directions on the street, I have to hide behind a bush when they come back the other way, having found out that my directions were incorrect.
7. I once crocheted half a cushion cover in 1978 and it wasn't until 2001 that an old lady finished it off for me so I could use it. Crocheting the half cushion cover took me a year of Wednesday afternoon classes at college. The old lady took it on the Friday and gave it back on the Saturday.
Right, here are some interesting people. I'll fess up now. One of them is my kid. It's not the one who writes about retirement, before anyone cracks that joke.