Evidence that fridge magnets can play a major role in relationship break-ups





LOVE NOTE STUCK TO FRIDGE                                                                  


You're late - I've gone to Mother's.
Your stew is in the dog.
The Peugeot’s got a teeny dent.
I’m never good in fog.
Johnny's at the Youth Club
and needs picking up at ten.
Kate’s at that new boyfriend’s house.
She didn't say 'til when.
The washer in the kitchen tap
is letting water through.
The dog has chewed your slippers
And your brand new ipad too.

The cat’s had tummy trouble
and has had some in your shed.
The rabbit’s looking peaky
and the hamster’s looking dead.
The CD player goes uh-uh-uh.
I can’t work out what’s up.
The dishwasher won’t open
and the freezer door won’t shut.
A tile slid off the roof today
and cracked a paving stone
as well as an old lady.
A lawyer said he’d phone.

The bank has sent some letters.
I’ve put them in the rack.
We’ve had five bills from Barclaycard.
One of them’s in black.
Your mother’s sent a letter too.
She says she’s changed her will.
She’s leaving you with fifty quid
and the mansion to uncle Bill.
The neighbour’s jukebox just arrived.
Their party starts at nine.
I might be back by Monday.
or might not.
Love Caroline.  

Comments

  1. Jayne24/3/10 13:54

    I love it! That's brilliant, it's got such a nice swing and rhythm, so visual as well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Friko24/3/10 14:07

    oh dear, poor chap.
    fridge magnets should be banned.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Martin25/3/10 00:39

    Potential separation through magnetic attachment. Relationships can be so complex, can't they?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Deborah25/3/10 04:00

    Very funny, esp. the brilliant line 'Your dinner's in the dog', and the non-rhyme of the last word. You should do stand-up.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fran Hill25/3/10 13:30

    Jayne - Thanks. I like a bit of swing and rhythm.

    Friko - what a horrifying thought! Where would I stick all those bits of paper I want to keep but which have no other place?

    Martin - I love the way you turn my little ditty into a philosophical statement with all those lovely Latinate words in it.

    Deborah - thanks! I'd love to think the non-rhyming was brilliant, too, but the last word, Jill, is meant to rhyme with 'the Bill'. It's because I decided to separate it out that you hadn't noticed. Still, don't mind being thought brilliant, even if just by accident.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Deborah25/3/10 15:30

    Well, dang. Put something right under my nose and I miss it. This is probably more revealing than that online IQ test I thought I passed.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Brilliant Sulk25/3/10 19:46

    Oh my, sounds like trouble to me.

    This could be a song sung by Lady Ga Ga. Maybe you should shop your words around in the music biz...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Fran Hill26/3/10 11:52

    S'okay, Deborah. The more I read your comment, the more I wonder whether it wouldn't indeed have been funnier to just leave it as you actually read it. Kind of metaphorical cut-off.

    Amanda - Do you think Lady GaGa would agree to be on stage with me and we could do a duet? I'm nearly as crazy as she is.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lesley28/3/10 04:58

    haha! This is awesome. After a month at my new job, and a few days with a brand new grandbaby I am finally inching my way back to my "other" life online. No idea when I'll have time to blog but I'm glad I caught up with your new address! Thanks for leaving me a note about it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. fran28/3/10 11:35

    Hey, Lesley!! Great to hear from you! Hope the new job is going well and giving you lots of ideas for blogs ......

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lesley30/3/10 04:59

    Yes, lots of great blog material. I'm afraid to put too much of it out there on the internet. It could easily come back to haunt me. But knowing me, I'll do it anyway. haha

    ReplyDelete
  12. Fran Hill30/3/10 05:06

    Lesley - what do they say? Feel the fear and do it anyway ... Look forward to the posts.

    ReplyDelete

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