Reasons why 'headless chicken' is a very good analogy at times

You know life is frantic when ....

1. Checking out other people's blogs and leaving inane comments seems like something you did on a school trip many years ago, or like an ancient country craft such as dry stone walling or making horseshoes.*

2. You don't have time to secure your zips and buttons up properly after a visit to the loo and find yourself doing up the fastenings while walking down busy corridors towards important visitors to your workplace.

3. You haven't caught up with the recent news and are thus humiliated when you say to someone, 'Isn't it terrible news about President Kennedy?'

4. The concept of 'meals' containing vitamins and minerals seems a distant memory, your diet now consisting as it does of chocolate chip chewy bars, tins of peaches and throat lozenges.

5. When you look in the mirror, your stressed shoulders are so near to your earlobes and your face bears such a greenish, no-sleep, no-nutrition tinge that you realise that Shrek is prettier than you.

6. You start to lose things.  Your keys are in the fruit bowl under three mouldy oranges.  Your diary is in the fridge.  Your electricity bill is in the dog.  Your husband is in .... is in ..... is .... You can't find your husband.

Now, I've found my keys .... but I SWEAR something else is missing .......




*Spot the apology.

Comments

  1. Jinksy19/1/11 12:45

    Brilliant, my little clucking chic-a-biddy! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  2. Steve19/1/11 12:59

    "your diet now consisting as it does of chocolate chip chewy bars..." - so every cloud has a silver lining then?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life"19/1/11 13:05

    I love this. In my magnifying mirror, I realize Shrek is much prettier than me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Martin19/1/11 13:21

    Not keeping up with the news? And I always had you down as a Rhode Island well Red.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pam 19/1/11 14:14

    Well, if you will apply for new and, I assume, important jobs...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Vintage Tea Time19/1/11 14:31

    'Tins of peaches and throat lozenges' - what will they think of next?

    ReplyDelete
  7. AiringMyLaundry19/1/11 15:03

    I lose things daily. It's not fun.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Linds19/1/11 15:28

    Perfect. I recognise the lot. #5 is a speciality. And don't get me started on #6. You left one out though. Having to phone home to find out why you are standing in the middle of the Co-op at 9.45pm and what the heck you need to buy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. hyperCRYPTICal19/1/11 16:02

    What's happened to President Kennedy?

    Anna :o]

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sharon19/1/11 17:48

    Trust me, all these things happen when you're retired and supposedly free and easy!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Susan Scheid (Raining Acorns)19/1/11 19:49

    Ah, to have time for country crafts of yore, like catching up with the blogging . . . so glad I did tonight. Very funny post from you, once again!

    ReplyDelete
  12. DB Stewart19/1/11 20:18

    Just don't put your blog in the fridge.

    ReplyDelete
  13. #1Nana20/1/11 00:06

    Expand the diet a little tomorrow by stopping at the fish and chips shop!

    ReplyDelete
  14. broken biro20/1/11 00:57

    Poor you! Sounds fowl...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Katie Anderson20/1/11 07:30

    Hahaha! Your pain is our comedic gain. Or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Griffin20/1/11 09:27

    Sigh... Shrek is prettier than me. Maybe I should give up eating those tins of throat lozenges in syrup...

    ReplyDelete
  17. SmitoniusAndSonata20/1/11 11:32

    Never mind , no one will notice , they're doing the sleepwalk thing too . It's January and , by rights , we should be hibernating .
    But I would try to master the zip/button thing , if you can . First impressions and all that ....

    ReplyDelete
  18. Brigid O'Connor20/1/11 12:29

    I think it has definitely got something to do with January, but the advantage to that is it is still close enough to Christmas to have a selection box and mince pie diet!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Deborah21/1/11 01:58

    Apparently a week or so in an ashram would help. And you wouldn't have to worry about zips there, either.

    ReplyDelete
  20. BadPenny22/1/11 01:17

    Number 2 is me and what is worrying..... I don't even care !

    ReplyDelete
  21. Val23/1/11 05:36

    Your husband has been eaten by the chicken.

    I hope things ease up for your soon, but I'm sorry to say that at least some of it is to do with that thing... you know... psst.. getting older.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Fran Hill23/1/11 05:52

    Thanks for all these comments, people. My shoulders are edging their way back to their normal position very, very gradually, but Shrek still wins the beauty contest as yet.

    ReplyDelete
  23. COUNT SNEAKY4/2/11 17:22

    I know the feeling. In addition to that I have seen in my youth ( far distant joy) my grandmother chop the head off of a chicken and then, unbelievably, the chicken got to its feet and ran the yard several times.
    I had named this chicken "Lucky" previously.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Fran Hill5/2/11 00:25

    Count - Poor chicken, trying so desperately to live up to its name, and, presumably, failing.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reasons why Fran is desperately in search of earbuds

Image
My try-to-get-fitter walk in the fields today was a silent one. I usually listen to the radio through earphones but have lost one of the soft earbuds and nothing spoils a walk more than having hard plastic nudging up against your fragile tympanic membrane. The BBC's  'Woman's Hour' is a brilliant programme but loyalty has limits.  It was disconcerting, walking in silence. Listening to radio distracts from the disturbing reality that my legs are propelling me in forward motion because, if I think too hard about this, I frighten myself.  Today, while walking, I had to listen to my own thoughts.  And now I've listened to my own thoughts, I remember why I like radio better. The inside of my head is like a wastepaper basket.   Be grateful that I only offer you a brief excerpt.  Oh, look, that bird is - / Where did I put that mark scheme. I'll need it for - / My shoes are getting muddier./ Maybe mash with the fish tonight / really muddy / The trees are defin...
Read more

More evidence that the wrong consonant makes all the difference to a famous book title

Image
More typo-lit, one of my favourite genres: To Kilt a Mockingbird - a tale set in the Southern States of America in which a young family move into the area from Aberdeen.  The children are found dressing the local wildlife in tartan and have to be taught that clothing innocent victims in bright material is not acceptable.  The little girl (Scot) says, 'Shoot, Pa, that's the darndest thing I ever did hear!' and there is surprise all round at her adoption of the local dialect in such a short time. To Kiln a Mockingbird - a tale set in the Southern States of America in which a wise father teaches his children that to put an innocent bird into a red-hot oven, converting it into an attractive china piece for the kitchen, was bound to upset Aunt Alexandra when given as a birthday present, and if this was indeed their intention, they deserved a whipping.   They don't get the whipping; the father can't stand Aunt Alexandra either. To Bill a Mockingbird - a tale set ...
Read more

Reasons why Being Me is going to be Was Being Me for a while

I'm now on my summer holidays from school, dear friends, and I think there are two ways these 7 weeks could go. Option 1. I start out with the intention of chasing more agents and publishers for my books/beginning a new novel/writing some articles/trying to pitch a new column/entering some story and poetry competitions, but after 5 minutes of enthusiasm decide to blog/read blogs instead because it's just TOO DIFFICULT.  I therefore spend hours blogging and then find it's bedtime. Option 2. I decide to have a break from the blogosphere so that I can give myself as much chance as possible of actually getting past that 'it's just too difficult' point. I know myself too well.  So, I've decided on option 2.  You're a great bunch of followers and I hope you'll stick around so that when that I start 'Being Me' again in September or thereabouts, you'll be looking out for a seminal post about a stuffed animal or an incident on a local bus .....
Read more