Being Me

I stepped out of the house yesterday morning and, towards me, padded a neighbour's cat.  I beckoned to it and said, 'Come here, Puss, and have a stroke.' The cat eyed me suspiciously as if thinking, 'Does she like me, or does she want me to have a blood clot that paralyses one side of my body?' Hm, thought Ginger.  Is she thinking 'massage' or 'massacre'? This episode amused me.  (It doesn't take much.)  I walked on to work grinning like an eejit, with the people driving past thinking, a) She's just stroked a cat and it's cheered her up or b) She's just watched a cat get paralysed and gets her kicks in a very odd way. Then I remembered a gerbil we used to have when our kids were little.  Poor old Blackie.  It's bad enough being born a gerbil, to be honest, without suffering the indignities he did.... We had two gerbils, Brownie and Blackie.  I know these sound unoriginal names, but the people we inherited them from h...

Honestly! I google 'Nursery Rhymes' because I'm thinking I might ruin a few for people by adapting them, just for something to do.  Up comes 'Baa Baa Black Sheep'.  I click on that to get the rhyme, and it takes me straight to a website featuring Italian women in skimpy underwear and a big flashing message saying, 'I am Lolita and if you call me right now, we can do lots of sexy talk.' Well, Lolita, I am Fran, and if I called you right now, I'm afraid sexy talk would not be on the agenda, but just to pep up your night, I could run you through the basics of semicolons, the apostrophe, and the difference between the active and passive voice. Hey!  Am I onto something here? If I set up a chatline, offering advice on grammar, but in a husky-husky  voice, would I get many takers?  I could give it a go, because I've just had a cold, and am at that stage where you sound like a woman in a Bond movie, until, that is, you start coughing like a woman in a...