|12. There's finding fridge-clearing tedious and there's over-reaction.|
Wednesday, 13 June 2018
Evidence that cleaning out your fridge can teach you stuff
1. If a jar of chutney's best-by date is so faded you can't read it, don't use the chutney for the cheese sandwiches of anyone you'd like to keep alive.
2. If you were a cucumber and had been left unattended for three weeks, you too would weep onto other vegetables.
3. Mayonnaise fit for human consumption should not require slicing.
4a. Tomatoes which have attached themselves to other tomatoes with what looks like Astroturf are past their best.
4b. No, not even in a curry.
5. For 'within 3 days' on pre-prepared salads, read 'within 26.5 seconds' or get used to festered rocket.
6. No one needs fourteen types of pickle.
7. Just because it has vinegar and sugar in it does not mean a jar of mint sauce priced at three shillings can be fed to loved ones.
8. Only Stilton cheese is allowed to be that green.
9. If you've had to use a fish slice to get it off your fridge walls, tonight's pasta dish will be better without it.
10. If you had lost your shape and form in the same way as that carrot has lost its shape and form, you too would not deserve to keep your name.
11. Bread, the earth, and scabs are allowed thick crusts. Yogurt, less so.