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Wednesday, 13 June 2018

Evidence that cleaning out your fridge can teach you stuff

1. If a jar of chutney's best-by date is so faded you can't read it, don't use the chutney for the cheese sandwiches of anyone you'd like to keep alive.

2. If you were a cucumber and had been left unattended for three weeks, you too would weep onto other vegetables. 

3. Mayonnaise fit for human consumption should not require slicing. 

4a. Tomatoes which have attached themselves to other tomatoes with what looks like Astroturf are past their best. 

4b. No, not even in a curry.

5. For 'within 3 days' on pre-prepared salads, read 'within 26.5 seconds' or get used to festered rocket.

6. No one needs fourteen types of pickle. 

7. Just because it has vinegar and sugar in it does not mean a jar of mint sauce priced at three shillings can be fed to loved ones. 

8. Only Stilton cheese is allowed to be that green. 

9. If you've had to use a fish slice to get it off your fridge walls, tonight's pasta dish will be better without it. 

10. If you had lost your shape and form in the same way as that carrot has lost its shape and form, you too would not deserve to keep your name. 

11. Bread, the earth, and scabs are allowed thick crusts. Yogurt, less so. 

12. There's finding fridge-clearing tedious and there's over-reaction. 






15 comments:

  1. There are some strange things lurking in that big white box.

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    1. 'Lurking' is the word, OSC. Lurking, and watching me, and plotting against me, some of it.

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  2. Yikes! Did you wear a Haz-Mat Suit while cleaning it out?

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    1. I don't know what one is but I'm guessing it's heavy duty and designed to keep out germs and zombies and alien invasions. I could have done with it.

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  3. The answer to all your problems is SOUP. You can make soup with all of that... possibly not the mayonnaise, fourteen pickles and the Stilton ... but crucially BEFORE they reach the stage you describe. When you realise you're not going to eat them before they expire, bung them in the soup pan with some other stuff and hey presto, you're frugal. You can always freeze the soup if the weather's too warm. (You'll remember that I live in Edinburgh, so this doesn't arise too often.)

    It wouldn't be so funny, though.

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    1. One day I'll write the soup blog post and let you be the judge as to how much more/less funny it is ... I just have a FEELing, though.

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  4. Oooh! There's a new idea. Sliced mayonnaise. (*~*)Urk.
    I cleaned out a fridge earlier this week for a friend and found a bag of limp looking wet brown sticks all heading fast towards soggy disintegration. They used to be celery.

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    1. Well done for identifying them successfully!!

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  5. The fridge requires constant vigilance, doesn't it? Which I don't have.

    Cucumbers have got to be the worst things when they get forgotten and go to mush! And sadly we are well acquainted with the 14-pickle problem.

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    1. The thing is with cucumbers, one day they're fine, and the next day they are slime.

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  6. This all sounds horribly familiar!

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    1. I write about universal themes, as you know ;)

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  7. My neat freak eldest brother always organised our mother's fridge while we were staying with her on family holidays. True, mum always had a mouldy half lemon on a saucer at the back of her fridge but my brother would put everything on the floor on which six grandchildren had stomped and two grubby dogs played then wash the fridge out with a grubby dish cloth ! Mum and I looked on exhasperated !

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  8. I don't think your brother had read 'Effective Fridge-Cleaning for Beginners'.

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