Reasons why Fran feels self-conscious today (more than usual ..)

I picked up my new glasses this morning. Here's a Before and After comparison for you, whether you wanted it or not.

Before

After

You have no idea how long that's taken me, to post those Before and After pictures. Every time I posted the After one, it hopped up the page and decided to appear before the Before. 'No,' I told it. 'I need you after the Before. If you go before the Before, people will think the Before is the After and the After is the Before.'

'And who will care?' the After photo said to me. 'Why do you think anyone's bothered about your new glasses anyway?'

I ignored its cheek and dragged it back down again. This time, it stayed. 

It's true. Maybe no one is bothered. But it seems a dramatic change to me, and I felt very self-conscious, stepping out of the opticians into Leamington's main high street. What if I saw someone I knew? Would they do that is-it-isn't-it thing and decide not to speak to me? What if they hate the new look? Will they pretend they haven't seen me, and hope I think they didn't recognise me? 

What if they think I am my own doppelganger and stop me to say, 'We know someone who looks just like you, but she's a weird old bird and best avoided. Don't say we didn't warn you.'

As it was, I had enough to concentrate on without angst about people. Adjusting to new varifocal glasses gives you the same feeling as when you've just stepped off a boat. Is that a step? Where's the kerb? Why do I feel as though I'm having to put my feet down really carefully as though I might be on quicksand? Do I look like John Cleese? 

Not just that, but I have, for the first time, had my glasses made light-sensitive, so they go dark in bright sunlight or light. Instant sunglasses, except that, from behind them, I don't know if they're dark or not. It's disconcerting.

I did in fact meet a friend as I neared home. 'I've got new glasses,' I said. She was too polite to reply, 'Really? You don't say!'

'Are they all dark?' I said. 'Can you see my eyes? I feel unnerved if I'm talking to people in sunglasses and can't see their expression. Do you? Do you feel unnerved?'

She probably did, by then. 

The two photos above: it's strange. I now notice that in the Before, I'm not properly smiling, and my hair is disarranged. In the After, taken seconds later, I'm smiling properly and my hair looks tidy. 

Boy, these new glasses have magic powers! I'm going off to weigh myself just in case they have that power, too ....

With these glasses, you get a free stick of celery to wear between your teeth. I think I'll settle for the ones I've got.