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Evidence that problems in concentration have fully taken hold ...

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Honestly! I google 'Nursery Rhymes' because I'm thinking I might ruin a few for people by adapting them, just for something to do.  Up comes 'Baa Baa Black Sheep'.  I click on that to get the rhyme, and it takes me straight to a website featuring Italian women in skimpy underwear and a big flashing message saying, 'I am Lolita and if you call me right now, we can do lots of sexy talk.' Well, Lolita, I am Fran, and if I called you right now, I'm afraid sexy talk would not be on the agenda, but just to pep up your night, I could run you through the basics of semicolons, the apostrophe, and the difference between the active and passive voice. Hey!  Am I onto something here? If I set up a chatline, offering advice on grammar, but in a husky-husky  voice, would I get many takers?  I could give it a go, because I've just had a cold, and am at that stage where you sound like a woman in a Bond movie, until, that is, you start coughing like a woman in a...
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A response to a complaint from a reader which I hope will satisfy

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Isabelle left a comment to say she's fed up of looking at my mould and vomit pictures on the last post and would I get on with writing about something nice, such as flowers?  Some people have no taste, that's all I can say.  Here I am, trying to entertain you, and all I get are complaints. I'll try, Isabelle, but I'm warning you.  I am to Nature what Arsenic in your Tea is to Abundant Health.  Ask anyone who knows me, 'What does Fran know about flowers?' and all you will get is uncontrollable laughter, them doubled over, and a request for a tissue so they can wipe away their tears (or worse, depending on their bladders ... No, it's OKAY.  I'll stop there, as I was trying so hard to avoid body fluids). Perhaps Isabelle is right, though.  It's time I tried to improve my attitude towards Nature.  So, I thought I would try and educate myself by tapping 'Flowers' into Google Images, seeing what pictures came up, and trying to learn to appreci...
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Evidence that I should be put away quietly in an institution for the safety of everyone else

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I have proved myself a liability to both the human and the feline species today and am determined to stay in for the evening so I cause no more trouble. Tricky moment 1.  I went to see my Granny who's 88 and a bit frail.  When I was getting ready to go, I picked up my handbag and slung it over my shoulder.  Now, I'm not one of those who carries around one of those diddy little numbers with a comb and a sewing kit in it.  So it was stuffed to perdition with books, my Walkman, a bar of nougat the size of the Great Wall of China and all the usual paraphernalia. I bent down to kiss my Gran goodbye, and when I did, the handbag swung off my shoulder and lamped her one in the stomach.  She yelled out, 'You punched me!'  Unsurprisingly, she looked shocked by this, being unused to her granddaughter attacking on her on Saturday afternoons just after we'd done the crossword so nicely together.  I did explain and apologise and explain and apologise and explain ...
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