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Reasons why Fran always carries a rolled-up newspaper

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I watched a wasp die on the bus yesterday morning.

I know, as an opener, it's not the same as 'Hey, did you see the latest episode of Game of Thrones? but it's all I have to offer.

I'm nervous about wasps. I'm sure, if they could talk, they'd say they were nervous about me too. But all I have in my armoury is a rolled-up newspaper and a bad aim. They have a stinger. And, close up, they're pretty scary.





A wasp in a field, I can cope with. A wasp in the garden, just about.

But a wasp on the bus is a cross wasp. (Move along, Dr Seuss.)

I saw it progressing along a window two seats in front of me. It was crawling my way.

I don't mean, crawling in the way I'd crawl, as in 'Oof, oof, my knees, and how will I ever get up from this position?'  I mean, crawling towards me.

I expected a confrontation. I picked up the copy of the Metro I'd collected when I got on the bus and began rolling.

It crawled nearer. But it was slow.

Aha. A trick! A clever …
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Evidence that lip enhancement can be achieved for under forty pounds.

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Well, I did it.  I went and got some injections and now I have Enormous Fat Lips, just like I said I wanted in a previous post.

You thought I never would, didn't you?

You thought I was joking, didn't you?

Well, I've done it.

The only thing is ....

- they're not permanent

- they're a little uneven

- I can feel them more than I can see them

and ....







- I got them at the dentist


Okay, so they're not the real thing, and only there because I had to have two fillings and therefore a shedload of anaesthetic enough to numb a herd of wildebeest.  But just for a few hours, as I sit here, just returned from the dentist, my lips feel deliciously Massive.

And they only cost me £36.  I bet celebrities pay a LOT more than that.

When I got on the bus back from the dentist, I had to speak to the bus driver, of course.  And my lips felt so big, like two barrage balloons top and bottom, that instead of saying, 'Single to Leamington, please,' I said, 'Smibble doo Lebbyt…
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Reasons why teachers might look forward to weekends and holidays ...

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This is a scene from a novel I hoped to get published. But I've moved on now and am writing another book which will be published in 2020. Watch this space!
I really like the scene, though. So I thought I'd let you read it, rather than having it fester on my laptop. 
Enjoy! It's very much based on my personal experience, and it's a scene that's played out in real life in many, many classrooms across the country. And perhaps the world. 



Setting: a secondary school classroom, England. Friday afternoon.  Characters: an English teacher and her class


The pupils, as they did every week at this time, drifted from all corners of the school, in spits and spots like a gradual, hesitant build-up of rain.
They seemed weary, as did their end-of-the-week uniforms, which drooped and slouched on their bodies as if drained of life.Indeed, some of their blazers had died and slidden off their bodies like thin corpses, hanging now from the ends of their fingers. Several pupils had risked …
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