Evidence that people don't always match their luggage
My, that's bold, I think. That's mighty bold. I wish I could be that honest about who I really am. I wish I could say, 'Ner ner ner ner ner' to the world like that.
But then he catches me looking at the bag, and what does he do?
Goes red. Turns the bag round, so I can't see the word. Clutches it to his chest. Looks embarrassed.
Eh? What the heck was that about?
Let us speculate together. There must be some explanation.
a) He was late for work, dashed out of the house carrying some big folders, realised he couldn't possibly carry all the folders under his arm, dashed back in for a bag, checked his watch (Damn, only a couple of minutes to get to the station), grabbed the first bag he could see, and didn't realise what it said until I saw him on the train. Later on, his wife is going to have some questions to answer.
b) He bought the bag at the weekend, while he was in a 'ner, ner, ner, ner, ner' mood with the world, and was convinced that he'd have the courage to use it without embarrassment. But when it came to it, he bottled out.
c) In the shop, there were two kinds of bags. One of them not only had 'BUGGER' written on one side, but had something even worse on the other. He thought he'd bought one of those, so when I looked at him on the train, he switched it round so I saw the worse expletive. What he didn't realise was that he'd actually bought one of the other kind, one with absolutely nothing written on the reverse. (This wouldn't explain him going red, though, unless what I thought was embarrassment was excitement at his own audacity.)
d) I thought he was switching the bag round in response to my looking at him, but in fact it was his Auntie Maud, who was sitting next to me, someone who had taken him to Sunday School every week during the 1970s, helped him to learn the creed and read him bedtime Bible stories.
e) He was foreign, but not very good at learning languages, and thought 'BUGGER' meant 'I LOVE YOU' so had bought the bag to give to a sweetheart, so when I stared at it, he switched it round to avoid a misunderstanding.
f) He knew a lady vicar who looked exactly like me.
g) His wife is a lady vicar who looks exactly like me. The bag belonged to his teenage daughter, who has some questions to answer when he gets home tonight.
h) He is actually a she, a lady vicar who is trying a new life path and dressing up as a male commuter who carries audacious luggage. Just for a moment, though, she has slipped out of role.
Any other suggestions? Do you know this man? ARE you this man?