How-to guide: surviving a night in hospital
3. If you have had an abdominal operation, you will discover that there are approximately one hundred and eighteen approaches to getting out of a hospital bed which you can attempt to undertake on your own. Unfortunately, none of them work, so this is the time to ring for the nurse.
4. Remember that hospital showers are not like home showers where you climb into a separate compartment or bath. They are more like wet rooms with a slight dip in the floor so that the water can run down into the plug. However, the floor will get wet for some distance around the shower. This means that where you put your slippers, clean pyjamas and toothbrush will matter.
5. What you understand to be the definitions of the terms 'porridge', 'toast' and 'pineapple juice' will not necessarily be what the hospital caterers understand. Remember this when obediently eating up your industrial glue, pieces of wet shoe leather and disinfectant with added Vitamin C.