Reasons why one should live in a detached house if one thinks one might be misunderstood
I bought my husband a CD about birdwatching for Christmas for him to listen to. It has information about different kinds of birds and their individual songs and calls. He plays it very loud. The neighbours are bound to be able to hear it.
What are they thinking is going on? It's the middle of winter, for heaven's sake, and thick snow is on the ground. Basically, there ARE no birds around. Just, it must seem to them, in the living room of those crazy people next door.
So, our neighbours could be thinking any of the following.
1. We are trying out some unusual romantic games from a book written by an ornithologist/sex therapist entitled 'Whisper Tweet Nothings in His Ears and Spice up your Marriage'.
2. One of us has developed a rare form of Tourette's which means we punctuate our sentences erratically with bird noises ... 'Darling, would you like a cup of CHIRRUPCHIRRUPCHIRRUP - sorry, I can't help it - hot chocolate and a TWEETTWEET - oh, I'm really bad today - biscuit?'
3. We have just bought new mobile phones and, as part of the deal, were offered a range of free ringtones. This free offer was sponsored by the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds. Therefore, each tone is a birdsong. You can select different ones depending on who's ringing, so mother-in-law can be an old crow, your therapist a wise owl or your boss an fresh-blooded-beaked eagle.
4. We were bored of the usual Christmas presents we gave each other each year and vowed we would find 'original' one for a change. Both of us decided, coincidentally, on a free 'Start your Own Aviary' kit.
5. We have an infestation of garden worms in our living room carpet and couldn't think of any other way of dealing with them but to let in the sparrows and thrushes, making sure they set their alarm for dawn so that the early birds could catch the worms.
6. My husband is going slightly deaf but is also going through a mid-life crisis and when someone told him that 'beards' were a sign of virility, he immediately went to the pet shop and bought fourteen canaries, twenty-two pigeons and a couple of parakeets.
Whatever the neighbours are thinking, I wouldn't be surprised if that 'For Sale' sign goes up pretty soon.