A shape poem. Unfortunately, not my shape.


DIET

or

MENSTRUATION IS NOT THE ONLY CYCLE A WOMAN GOES THROUGH

I went on a diet on January First.
 By Feb I felt quite a success.
  By March I was thirteen
   pounds lighter and
    could get on
     my little
    black
     dress.
     In April
      I stayed on
      a plateau, but
     by May I was finding
    it tough.    In June I had
   quite a few bad days.  By
    July I had had quite enough.
     I decided, as it was near Christmas,
      Though the pounds were beginning to tell,
       I would eat fit to burst until January the First
        And
        from
           then
         on
         just
         diet
          like
          hell.

Comments

  1. Lesley2/1/10 16:34

    haha! Excellent! Another brilliant idea I just may steal some day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Martin2/1/10 23:30

    You just might think this is foreign territory to me Fran (me being a bloke and all that) but my daughter was back counting her weight-watcher's points from New Year's Day. I've also heard mutterings from my wife about the bathroom scales being out and her trousers shrinking, inexplicably.

    I guess I'll have to polish off the remaining chocs on my own then?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fran Hill3/1/10 04:36

    Hi, Lesley. Happy New Year! Steal away.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fran Hill3/1/10 04:37

    Martin - you poor thing, having to eat all the remaining chocs. Still, someone has to do it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Friko3/1/10 09:55

    Me too, Miss, sad to say. Like Martin, there is a lot left over to eat, but I shall sacrifice myself and tuck in. Unfortunately, i have an appointment at the surgery where they are going to measure my waist and read my cholesterol levels. Would enforced sitting at the computer be a good enough excuse for having gained pretty little inches everywhere?

    Yours is one of the blogs I blame for blogging and I shall continue to do so.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Fran Hill3/1/10 10:07

    Friko - I feel the pain of your sacrificial gesture. I keep looking at the pile of boxes of shortbread, chocolates and sweets sitting on our table and wondering whether I should give them to charity or eat them myself. Unfortunately, I can't think of the name of ONE charity ...

    ReplyDelete
  7. rachel3/1/10 13:47

    You are clever! Some of us are too stuffed with chocolate to put two lines of rhyme together, let alone make an aspirational shape of them!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Brilliant Sulk3/1/10 14:26

    Good gosh. How do you come up with this stuff?

    Oh.

    You were eating those "magical" brownies again, weren't you...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mark Kerstetter3/1/10 18:41

    I like to play a little game. I pretend I'm one of your students and I'm probably not supposed to know you have a blog. I giggle at the things you post and have a laugh with my friends, but secretly we think you're the coolest teacher around.

    Happy New Year Miss Fran!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Rachel4/1/10 04:13

    I found your site via another ... but it's really early now and I can't remember which one. However, your poem is GENIUS! And oh so very true. I started the same way as you, then got pregnant in May and all went to hell. My poem would have to be a side ways view of my huge stomach. Here's hoping that this new years I can lose 50 lbs ... baby weight and all.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The Japanese Student4/1/10 08:18

    Your daughter is a charity. Feel free to send some by post - I would be so happy to help out

    ReplyDelete
  12. Fran Hill4/1/10 09:46

    Amanda, how come I never get anything past you?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Fran Hill4/1/10 09:47

    Mark, take two merit points and have a homework off. You're my favourite pupil.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fran Hill4/1/10 09:59

    Hi, Little Miss, this is Big Miss here welcoming you to my blog. I look forward to seeing your shape poem at some point ...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Fran Hill4/1/10 10:00

    Hillel, how kind. But I'm right out of brown paper to wrap them in. I shall just have to eat them.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Fran Hill4/1/10 10:16

    Rachel - believe me, if I could have moved, I would have been doing something more energetic than writing poems. But when you're half-comatose because of chocolate, you may as well do something.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sandy aka Doris the Great4/1/10 12:52

    Love, love, love that poem!!!

    (And I'm jealous of your boring snowfall pictures. Wanna trade?)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Fran Hill4/1/10 12:56

    Hi, Sandy AKA DTG - thanks so much - I do so like a row of repeated verbs like that.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Unknown4/1/10 13:35

    I loved that! So clever. Thanks for visiting my blog. I write poems from time to time too.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Fran Hill4/1/10 14:00

    Thanks for your comment, Eva. Liked your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  21. tony5/1/10 06:38

    Thins Aint What They Used To Be!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Fran Hill5/1/10 10:34

    Hello, Tony - they definitely ain't. Thanks for visiting.

    ReplyDelete

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