Eight things I learned today while being out in rain I was not prepared for
1. There is something that sheep have in their fleeces which is not present in the kind of fleeces with sleeves and front zips which humans can buy. This is why, in the rain, sheep still look like sheep, but humans who are wearing fleeces because they didn't think it would rain look like something dragged from a stagnant pool.
2. Everyone else in the whole wide world takes note of weather forecasts and dresses properly for rain with voluminous raincoats, wide hats and umbrellas the size of a small continent. This makes them cheerful. It also leaves them carefree, with plenty of time to look at unprepared people and laugh.
3. It only takes one drip of freezing rain to course down the back of your neck, under your collar and down your back, to make you feel very unhappy indeed.
4.When you are watching nature programmes on TV and there are rain spots on the cameraman's screen, blurring the picture, this looks quite pretty and endearing and adds a sense of realism. The same effect on the outside of your own spectacles is not endearing at all.
5. The chances that the bus you want will already be chock-full of happy, dry, observant passengers when you get on it correlate exactly with the degree to which you look like a piece of seaweed trying to buy a ticket.
6. Dry and happy bus passengers do not want to sit next to people who carry entire, functioning weather systems onto the bus with them.
7. Getting off a bus, back into exactly the same horizontal slashing rain that was attacking you when you got on it, is even more depressing than realising George Clooney called when you were out. (Just.)
8. On getting home, the towel you choose to dry yourself down will be a damp one.
(Another rain story you might like is more things I learned while in rain)
2. Everyone else in the whole wide world takes note of weather forecasts and dresses properly for rain with voluminous raincoats, wide hats and umbrellas the size of a small continent. This makes them cheerful. It also leaves them carefree, with plenty of time to look at unprepared people and laugh.
3. It only takes one drip of freezing rain to course down the back of your neck, under your collar and down your back, to make you feel very unhappy indeed.
4.When you are watching nature programmes on TV and there are rain spots on the cameraman's screen, blurring the picture, this looks quite pretty and endearing and adds a sense of realism. The same effect on the outside of your own spectacles is not endearing at all.
5. The chances that the bus you want will already be chock-full of happy, dry, observant passengers when you get on it correlate exactly with the degree to which you look like a piece of seaweed trying to buy a ticket.
6. Dry and happy bus passengers do not want to sit next to people who carry entire, functioning weather systems onto the bus with them.
7. Getting off a bus, back into exactly the same horizontal slashing rain that was attacking you when you got on it, is even more depressing than realising George Clooney called when you were out. (Just.)
8. On getting home, the towel you choose to dry yourself down will be a damp one.
(Another rain story you might like is more things I learned while in rain)
It could have been worse. What if Reg Varney had been your bus driver?
ReplyDeleteMartin, this is very true. I must look on the bright side. Now I'm a little dryer, this is easier.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I was one of those smug people with a brolly (for a change). The worst experience I had in the rain was going to a conference in town and wearing the wrong sort of trousers - they were a little too long and became all waterlogged so that by the time I arrived at the conference (late), I had to squelch across a crowded room to my seat. Very embarrassing!
ReplyDeleteLizzie Love - that's happened to me, too, and there's nothing worse than having wet trousers flapping around your ankles like sails in the high seas.
ReplyDeleteI hate that drip of freezing rain down the back of the neck, it makes me very cross indeed. If I've got a brolly and wellies on I don't mind being out in the rain, otherwise - no thank you!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog :o)
Hi Karen! Yes, as the old saying goes, 'There's no such thing as bad weather, just inadequate clothing for bad weather.' I think I experienced that today. Thanks for following. Enjoyed your blog too!
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh out loud which is always a good thing, especially the one about the nuts!!! I took pity on a half pack left over from Christmas and walloped the whole lot down just before supper. Had to eat y supper as though nothing had happened. Looked like a salted roasted peanut by the end.Round. Brown round the gills. Needing a saline drip.Just realised this is not the right comment box. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteSara - yes, I think you were commenting on the previous post, but it's appreciated all the same. Even more appreciated is to know that there are other people in the world who have to pretend they're hungry at supper but have really eaten the equivalent of a three course meal in snacks!
ReplyDeleteHa, count yourself lucky you don't have to walk a dog in freezing, horizontal sleet, on an exposed hillside, with your hood hanging over your eyes but not deep enough to cover your specs, which are so rain spattered that they become useless and you keep stumbling over tussocks and slipping in the mud and your wellies are getting sucked in with every step and you've lost your walking stick twice already and then, the bloody dog sits down and says, so far and no further, and pretends he's only come with you to do you a favour.
ReplyDeleteHa, soft Southerners in your cosy towns, you don't know what weather is.
Very funny, Fran!! Especially Nos 1 & 7...and I did wonder what Sara was talking about. Good to see you're the kind of person who would tell somebody they've got spinach between their teeth. Off to read your other rain story.
ReplyDeleteI was going to post my Father Christmas joke to cheer you, but it's completely the wrong time of year. Nothing worse than an unseasonal quip.
ReplyDeleteSo, please could you pencil in a rain post round about December? Because I'll keep my tinder dry (weather permitting) until then.
I'm enjoying your dry - or should that be damp? - wit.
Friko - You made me laugh, as well as feel like a moaning wuss.
ReplyDeleteDeborah - your comment about the spinach reminded me of when I once tried to tell a woman who had an umbrella up that it wasn't raining. I thought I was being helpful, but she obviously didn't, from what she said, which I won't repeat on here.
Moptop - oh, please. I think there's nothing better than unseasonal quips. Why keep to the rules? Having said that, I predict a rain post around December is entirely likely.
Fran
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned in the above comment that you once tried to tell a woman who had a brolly up that it wasn't raining. I taught in China for 6 years and never really got used to the ladies (all of them in fact) who used their brollies to keep out of the sun. Most people I saw trying to keep the rain off used plastic bags on their heads! Strange but true, and as it isn't April Fool's Day today, you know I'm not lying. Was that female of the Asian variety, I wonder ...
Hi, NorthernTeacher - no, she wasn't Asian. I think she was just embarrassed, because it had been raining and she hadn't noticed it had stopped. That's why she wasn't too pleased. What you say is helpful, though. If I see any Asian ladies wearing plastic bags I won't say a word!
ReplyDeleteIt could have been better! You might have bumped into Gene Kelly. He would have lent you an umbrella.
ReplyDeleteDoctor FTSE - if I'd bumped into Gene Kelly, he would be dead. He was a very little man. Then I could just have STOLEN the umbrella from his corpse, I guess.
ReplyDeleteRe 1: It's the oil in the fleece that keeps little lambsies warm and dry. Can you believe we wash that out as part of the manufacturing process?
ReplyDeleteBrennig - yes I can believe it! I doubt whether the smell would really go with my Coco Chanel. And wouldn't it make them very heavy? All in all, I think the umbrella's a better solution. I think the sheep oil is lanolin, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteThank you for calling by at my blog.
ReplyDeleteI loved The Behaviour of Moths too and I see we have a lot of books enjoyed in common going by your list.
Great blog, I shall call again.
Cheers, Cait, and, yes, do come again.
ReplyDelete(For those unaware of the fact that 'The Behaviour of Moths' is a book which Cait and I have both read, and not a moth-stalking habit we both have, I would just like to clarify ...)
In my experience, even in the most horrid rain shower, having no umbrella is better than having a crap umbrella that turns inside out everytime someone passes you and sighs...
ReplyDeleteSteve, this is very true. I think I have owned about 392 of those umbrellas in my lifetime. You know those ones you see in bins by bus stops ... they were all mine.
ReplyDeleteIt rained here three times last year and each day a holiday was declared... people use umbrellas for shade.
ReplyDeleteI bet that made you feel better didn't it ;0))
Eternally Distracted - I feel so comforted by your kind words.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for stopping by my blog. I adore books but am a slow reader so usually have a large pile waiting to be read.
ReplyDeleteLove Jayne Eyre, one of my favourite's too, lots of book mentioned to your post, thank you for the info on them, wonderful.!
Thanks, Camilla. Yes, what would we do without reading? You can't beat it for out and out escapism.
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame that you missed George Clooney's call! He was with me, actually - we just thought we'd give you a ring to tell you what fun we were having. Oops, gotta run. He's just getting out of the shower.
ReplyDeleteLesley - that made me laugh! I'm just waiting for the day George Clooney googles his name and finds all these women claiming to know him!
ReplyDeleteFran, funny you should say that - George and I googled his name earlier over tea and hot cross buns and how we laughed! Especially at Lesley and her 'getting out of the shower' comment. George prefers loooooooong hooooooooot bubble baths, I can hear him splashing around upsatirs right now......
ReplyDeleteAnna May x
I can't believe it! Nobody managed to emulate the Gene Kelly mentioned by Doc. Where is the SINGING and DANCING in the rain? It's what rain was made for.
ReplyDeleteTra la la la..... splish splosh...
Anna, I wondered why George was not answering his phone! You tell him to get out of that bath right now. He's in big trouble.
ReplyDeletehaha
Anna May - you must mean another George Clooney - the one with the bald spot and the paunch and the missing front tooth? Never mind. Because I know that the real one is allergic to wheat, so hot cross buns wouldn't do at all. Still, at least the one you've got has a nice name. It's not to be sneered at.
ReplyDeleteJinksy - Singing? Dancing? In rain? Some of us have dignity and a reputation to keep up. But, do, go ahead, and let us know when you get arrested and need bail.