Reasons (in sonnet form) why I am not a supermodel

A Sonnet in Honour of Chocolate - a poem for Easter

How do I love you?  Let me count the ways ...
I love you when you’re cast in bunny shape
or when a simple slab from Sainsburays,
or from the fridge, or melted, or in cake.

I love a Minstrel cool upon my palm.
I love a Cadburys button on my tongue.
I find it hard to stop - you have such charm
Before I know it, I've had twenty-one. 

I love you whether white or Swiss or Belgian.
I want you to myself. I do not share.
I'll eat you 'till my little belly's bulgin'
And I can barely get up from my chair. 

Oh, chocolate!  I'll love you 'till I die, 
(though when I do, you'll be the reason why).  


  1. Oh!!(of delight) For the fact that you are back again. I looked around not an hour ago and saw you were still absent, for which I was sorry.

    Oh!! For the fact that you don't like dark. AT LAST I meet a chocoholic who doesn't look down her nose at au lait!

    And finally, oh!! Because of this wonderful funniness. It's worth waiting for Me, I say.

  2. There is a very wonderful chocolate shop in Strathpeffer on the Black Isle. It's called Maya and makes THE most delicious chocolates in the world. The people of Strathpeffer eat all the chocolates the two Belgian chocolate makers who own Maya can make. They won't increase production because it will adversely affect their quality of life.

    I say Bah! to your quality of life, Monsieur, and get your mail order business up and running!

  3. Absent, Deborah? Absent? But I am always here, lurking with intent, and probably with chocolate, au lait or au-therwise.

    Moptop - I say 'Bah!' too. Don't they know there's millions of us out there only just hanging on?

  4. Ha ha! You had me at "Sainsburays"! Wonderful!

  5. Steve - have lost my rhyming dictionary. And only 'fresco' rhymes with Tesco, which I couldn't see my way to fitting in.

  6. I'm a bit slow, even though you told me you'd moved... Anyway, I've found you now and caught up.

    I've had the measliest bar of dark chocolate for Easter because a) there are no Easter eggs in Bangkok and b) I'm not supposed to be eating sugar. Yuk. It was horrible and hardly worth eating chocolate at all.

  7. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant! I might have to steal that sonnet one of these days:) And now I want chocolate. Darn!

    My biggest trouble with chocolate, though, is that the cocoa is mainly "made" by child labourers in East Africa, and they use machetes to cut loose the cocoa, which often results in nasty cuts. Their families are so poor, so the kids have to work instead of going to school. This knowledge does leave a bitter aftertaste, doesn't it? So I try to by fairtrade chocolate, but in Norway, you can't really get hold of it. Is there lots of fairtrade in the UK?

  8. Oh,chocolate. How I miss chocolate. I can just about fit a Cadbury's button in my jaws at the moment.

    Fab blog and love the new set up btw.

  9. JJ - No Easter eggs in Bangkok? WHAT are you doing there? Thanks for tracking me down.

    Alexandra Crocodile - Yes, there's plenty of Fairtrade chocolate in the UK and lots of it very tasty. I think a couple of the main supermarkets only stock Fairtrade now. Just as well, going by what you say.

    Bluestocking Mum - large bowl, melted chocolate, straw - these are what you need until you've had your jaw op.

  10. Fantastic!

    My love affair with chocolate is coming to an end - for now. I've seriously overdone it this Easter ...

  11. Karen - thanks! I only had one egg, but it was a big one, and I polished it off in 10 minutes flat, telling myself the old lie about it being fewer calories the faster it disappeared ... But then I stole chocolate off everyone else, too, which upped my consumption somewhat. Oh well. My recommendation is using chocolate scented shower gel - it's a calorie-free fix.

  12. Your on the road to good health - maybe everlasting life!


  13. Too bad you don't have a taste for the dark kind - studies keep revealing how healthy it is.

  14. Martin - Why do you think I've been following the 'Get healthy - eat chocolate' diet for so many years?

    Mark - sorry, but I can't take it. It's like the sprouts version of chocolate.

  15. Nothing better than dark chocolate, the darker the better. A real chocaholic goes for the cocoa, not the fat content.
    If you ever come round here for another stab at the Arvon course, I can promise you a chocolate gourmet shop to die for. Each chocolate comes with a certificate of excellence, a kiss and a blessing by the chocolate fairy.

  16. Friko - what kind of chocolate fairy? Tall, dark, handsome, Clooneyesque or Deppish?

  17. Love it! I can't think of any substance more deserving of an ode than chocolate.

    Thanks for following my blog, btw!

  18. Talli - the only thing more deserving of an ode is .... er ... er .... er ... nope, can't think of anything.

  19. Ah the more milk the better definitely. Dark chocolate is all plasticy. Dairy milk is by far the best followed by milka.

    Fran, why did you not just leave a post on your old blog directing people
    to your new blog, wait a week, and then shut old blog down and transfer archives etc to new blog? Imagination is running wild, I wonder if your employers found you and you had to shut it down! My gosh!

    Also, just so you know, when youcomment on my site you do it with as the URL without the .blogspot bit so it fails. It therefore took me aaaages to find you again but I'm so glad I did!!


  20. Superb. A wonderful post-Easter offering.

  21. Fran, came over here from Ann's blog because your comment was funny. And I thought you were a guy with a girl name. But yes, chocolate. It is so poem-worthy.


  22. ....sucking milk chocolate and drinking hot tea at the same time........PARADISE.
    Anna May x

  23. Billygean - sorry, didn't realise I was leaving the wrong URL. I guess that made it a UR not this L. Yes, I know I probably could have handled the blog swap better. It was a sudden decision. Not as dramatic as you suggest, but could have been. BTW, I think your comment that 'dark chocolate is all plasticy' may draw some interesting responses from the purists on here ...

    Alan - thank you for your appreciative comments. You do know, don't you, that technically the 364 days after Easter Day are all post-Easter ... so the chocfest can continue! Yay!

    KarenG - so nice to have you over here - will check your blog out in a minute. Thank you for following. The guy/girl thing is intriguing ... is that because of the magazine picture on the profile photo?!

    Anna May - yes, chocolate and tea - great. Such a good combination.

  24. Love it.

    I'm munching on chocolate now.

  25. WhisperingWriter - do you know, I haven't had one piece of chocolate today. I must go and remedy this immediately. My standards are slipping.

  26. Wonderful! Me too, of course. For 2 weeks prior to Easter, I was eating an average of 4 Russell Stover chocolate truffle eggs a day. I don't know what I'll do next.

  27. I'm glad you love ALL chocolate. I say if you're going to love it, you may as well love the good stuff!

    Thanks a lot.... Now I want a slice of chocolate mousse cake.

  28. Fran, yes it really does look like a guy at first glance!! And thanks for visiting my blog as well. I'm thrilled to have you as a follower!

  29. Sharon - the fact that you've named them as 'Russell Stover' eggs means they must be some QUALITY chocolate eggs. So, if I were you, I would just carry on. Chocolate of real quality has fewer calories than common-as-muck chocolate.

    LoveableHomebody - great to get your comment - thank you! Did you have your chocolate mousse cake? I seem to have spurred a fair few people to go and eat chocolate - a case of taking as many people down with me as possible!

    KarenG - I'm getting a lot of giggles from reactions to this photo and the confusion it's causing. It's the kind of thing which amuses me. Very, very sad, I know. I really ought to go and do something useful with my life.

  30. Brilliant poem, Fran! I especially like the line about how if dark is all there is, you'll force it down - oh me too, me too.

  31. Jayne - thanks for your comment. It's funny how you can suddenly get a liking for the dark stuff when there's nothing else around, isn't it?

  32. Hezabelle - Thanks for dropping by and for your comment. I see we have similar taste in books, looking at your blog.


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