Handy hints for young mothers who want to read the paper
Today I am pretending to be a Mommy blogger. This means that, not only am I pretending to be a young mother blogging about life with kids, but I am also pretending to be American, because Brits don't say 'mommy'. I think we should. Firstly, I think it sounds good, and secondly, imagine how irritating it must be, when browsing the Internet, to find advice on breastfeeding when what you really wanted was this ...
Anyhow, I would like to share with you a handy hint on how to keep little children occupied without bankrupting yourself in the toy shop on all that coloured plastic which, whatever way you look at it, isn't going to match your cream leather sofa. This method worked for me when I was a young mother which is
When our kids were young, they had a high chair with a tray, like this ... *slope off to Google to find pictures of high chairs*
OH MY GIDDY AUNT! I WAS LOOKING FOR A PICTURE OF A HIGHCHAIR. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S DECENT ARE THESE?
|Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!|
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
|Ha ha ha oh my sides are hurting ha ha ha ha hoo hoo ha ha ha!|
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes. We used to put our kids in a highchair like this ..
*Google 'Furniture for the Medieval Child' to find picture of chair like we used to have*
At last! A nice, sensible chair with a nice, sensible baby in it. Do you know how long it's taken me to find this?! Ten minutes, once I'd trawled through chairs-for-babies-to-fall-out-of, chairs-with-bits-you-can't-wash-sick-out-of and chairs-with-trays-with-no-edges-dur-brain!
Right. Here's my tip. My 19 year old daughter was horrified yesterday when I reminded her that this was how I kept her occupied. I may as well have said, 'We used to put you in the middle of the road and tell you to play with the white lines'. But it kept her busy for hours.
Fun with sticky tape
1. Take a roll of the type of sticky tape which is very light on its stick, if you know what I mean, the type that's no good for wrapping parcels and isn't going to deprive your baby of its top epidermal layer.
2. Cut the tape into short pieces (best not let Baby help with this bit) and stick them all around the edge of the highchair tray.
3. Show Baby how to unstick one and stick it onto its forehead, then unstick it, then stick it back on the tray, then unstick it, then stick it onto its head, then unstick another piece, and stick that on its arm ...
4. Once Baby has mastered the general technique, go and read the paper.
1. How long does it take to get two yoghurt pots off your hands?
2. How long does it take to pick up and eat seventy-five peas, especially when they're stuck to the tray with syrup?
3. If I am dressed in three hats, four pairs of gloves and a fourteen-feet-long scarf, how long will it take me to undress?
It's okay. Don't call the authorities. The last three were jokes.
But not bad ideas if you're desperate .....