Evidence that I did learn something from my Maths teachers even if it was while standing outside the classroom door in disgrace ...

Friends, I give you Manic Morning Mathematics ....

Getting dressed in the morning + not putting the light on so as not to wake Husband = not noticing the greasy splodges on your shirt that didn't come out in the wash following a badly-executed egg frying session.

Having greasy splodges on your shirt from badly-executed egg frying session + passing the mirror in the hall just before you walk out of the front door already rushing for bus = beginnings of panic.

Running upstairs to change greasy-splodge shirt for new one + being in a hurry + finding out as you run upstairs about the dragging hem on your trousers = full establishment of panic (+ missed early bus)

Trying to put new shirt and trousers on + attempting not to make any noise and wake husband + creaky wardrobe doors + particularly clangy clothes-hangers = realisation that if someone were filming this ... move over Laurel and Hardy, you have a new rival.

Running down the road for the next bus + suddenly noticing that the replacement trousers have evidence of chocolate consumption in the form of little brown splodges all down the left thigh + trying to rub off this evidence while hopping along = very strange looks from passers-by who think you must have cramp.

Arriving at bus stop JUST as bus turns up + not being able to find bus ticket which you normally have ready + bus driver who is getting annoyed + twenty-seven passengers who would rather get to work than watch you search your handbag = face the colour of a Nile sunset.

All of the above + getting to work late = bad start to day = subsequent decision to eat three square metres of flapjack at coffee break.

Three square metres of flapjack at coffee break + coffee with sugar + diet = epic fail but best feeling of the day so far.


  1. If you consider all the morning mishaps as bad medicine, Julie Andrews was correct when she sang about a spoonful of sugar making the medicine go down. Ha.

  2. Three square metres of flapjack suddenly aroused my interest in equations.

  3. By the time we got to the chocolate I was howling with laughter here. Right. Not a good start to the day then, but your Maths is superb. And I agree - the three square metres of flapjack are definitely interesting. Diet? What diet. (But then think of all those stairs and the hopping you did. You were TOTALLY justified.)

  4. Three square meters or three meters square?

  5. Now THAT's the kind of 'Real Maths' I can relate to!

  6. Anonymous15/9/10 23:24

    Glad someone else has creaky wardrobe doors and clangy clothes-hangers. I dream of a dressing room in which doors glide open to reveal exquisite garments hung on padded hangers.

    If you substracted the number of calories in three square metres of flapjack from the daily calorific requirement, how many calories were left for the remainder of your day?

  7. See, Einstein was right. E=mc2 (where E equals the amount of energy you don't have but have to expend extricating yourself from bad situations - m - combined with lack of time to do this - c - squared by the amount of panic that subsequently ensues). But apparently time travel is still possible. But only if you run at breakneck speed for the bus.

  8. Why could they not have taught us maths like this? Great post, there is a frightening trend in Ireland now for all the really young teachers looking like they have stepped off a girlband poster, what happened to elbow patches?

  9. Hi Fran, you have comment approval so you can delete this at your will, I got this info via an online writers magazine, and thought of you, you may know about it anyway, check it out on:


    Looking for comedy scripts for development, might suit you?

  10. All that must add up to a great day ahead. Flapjacks sound good right now.

  11. Manzanita - yes, but Julie Andrews was into moderation. A spoonful of sugar - moderate. Three square metres of flapjack - kind of excessive.

    Martin H - perfectly understandable - and one always needs SOMETHING to make one happy to approach an equation.

    Linds - diet, what diet, is my mantra.

    Lane - can't answer any technical questions - sorry. I suspect I have done something wrong.

    She Means Well - good. It's the only Maths I know.

    Christine - ooh, at least, say, 30,000.

    Steve - that's right, go all intellectual on us.

    Brigid - elbow patches were what made education what it was in the 70s. It's all gone to pot now. People even SHOW their elbows now. Outrageous.

    Midlife Jobhunter - flapjacks are an anytime, anywhere, anyway, food.

  12. Brigid - thanks so much for suggesting that website. My sitcom was only for radio, so I can't really take up the opportunity, but I've published your comment in case anyone else is interested. Cheers, anyway.

  13. You really are too funny. Does all of this really happen to you or do you just make it up?

  14. Alexandra - unfortunately, this was all true. I'm telling you, I need to have a big notice pinned on me saying, 'Give this woman a wide berth. She's a walking disaster zone.' Or ring a bell, like the lepers used to have to.

  15. 1. Why does your husband get to lie in bed while you go to work?

    2. Are you the Laurel character or the Hardy one?

    3. Can I have some flapjack?

  16. See, if math were taught to me like this, I'd have probably understood it better.

  17. Anonymous17/9/10 04:16

    Hilarious stuff.. Doesn't the math all fall apart at the same time, as it usually does? Nice spin on the whole thing though...

  18. I too ate my blody weight in flapjacks today. Have you seen the new ones in M&S with choc in? Oh my. Also there is an award for you on my blog. Velvet dress (or cress) optional when you come to collect. ;)

  19. Isabelle - 1. Because he's lucky and I'm doomed to early starts. 2. Both. That's why there's no photo. 3. Go ahead, be my guest.

    Whispering Writer - to me, the words 'maths' and 'understood' are generally not found in the same sentence.

    ThirtyPlusGeek - thanks for your comment. And does thirty plus geek equal anything?

    Jayne - no, I haven't seen the ones with chocolate in. Do they ever stop tempting us? Thanks for the award - I wore my cress dress to collect it, but bits kept falling off. I hope I haven't made a mess of your blog.

  20. Anonymous18/9/10 04:37

    @Fran -- LOL.. Never thought about it as math...But then 30+geek probably equals confused... :)


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