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Saturday, 11 September 2010

What happens to fairy tales when your typing isn't up to scratch

Today, I'm going to try and tell a story in pictures by using Gogle oops I mean Google Images.  (Hope that typo thing doesn't keep happening when I'm searching for my pictures in Google.  It could really ruin the story.)





The story of Cinderella

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young woman called Cinderella who lived with her two ugly sisters.  However, it was not a happy household because they treated her as a servant.  Her main job was cleaning out the hearth.  Here is a picture of the hearth she had to clean, taken from Google.














As I was saying, Cinderella had to clean out the heart every single evening.  This meant sweeping out all the arteries of cholesterol and leaving it totally clean, ready for the next day.  (Her two sisters, both heartless, shared the use of it.)  

After cleaning the heart, she had to make the evening meal.  Here is a picture of the meal she made one particular day.












                                        

That evening, the three of them ate until they could eat no more, but there were still plenty of leftovers and Cinderella had some work to do inventing recipes for the next few evenings.    

The conversation over dinner was about the invitations which Cinderella's two sisters had received that morning to a Ball at the palace.  Here is a picture of the Ball. 













                                      

'What do we do when we get there?' one sister was asking.  'I mean, I know we'll be with the royals and all that, but when it comes down to it, looking at bricks is just looking at bricks, whoever you're with.'

Cinderella thought this attitude shocking.  She would have done anything to have been invited, and yet she'd be left at home all evening with nothing to do but work while they were enjoying themselves at the Wall.  Oh, how she wished there was a solution.

That evening, Cinderella sat gazing at the heart, picking at some of the remains of the evening seal just because she had nothing to do, and wondering how her sisters were getting on at the Wall.  Suddenly, an enormous fairy appeared in the room.  Here is a picture of the fairy.














                                            


This was a big shock to Cinderella.  Room in the little cottage in which she lived was now at a premium.  But her heart began beating fast.  Somehow, she knew that the appearance of the dairy, so suddenly like that, had something to do with her being able to go to the Wall.  But she just didn't know how it was connected.



And neither do I.  Erm ....




Hang on a minute ........





Just one more minute .... 





Ah, yes.  I've got it.







Just as Cinderella was wondering what the connection could be, she looked into one of the giant canisters into which the milk was being piped, and saw that it was different from the others.  It was all shiny and gold, and had wheels.  Aha.  Perhaps this wasn't a milk canister at all, but some kind of vehicle which could take her to the Wall.  Indeed, just as she was thinking this, one of the cows turned into a black stallion, attached itself to the canister/golden coach, and said, 'Get in, then.  It's late.  We can't spare an udder minute.  And make sure you're away from the Wall by midnight for us to bring you home.'

'But I have nothing to wear!' wailed Cinderella.  'I need some new shoes and a dress.'

And, just as she said that, some beautiful sparkly silver dainty shoes and a dress appeared.  Here is a picture of the dress.



















Cinderella, in her cress and her sparkly silver dainty shoes, certainly stood out from the other guests who were standing by the Wall.  In fact, she looked so different that no one recognised her, even her two sisters, so when the Prince decided, on first seeing her, that there was no one with whom he would rather stand and look at the Wall than she, the sisters looked on enviously as did everyone else, wondering who the stunner in the salad outfit was.

However, when the clock struck midnight, Cinderella broke away from the crowd looking at the Wall, and ran away.  As she ran, she lost one of the shoes, which the disappointed Prince picked up, saying, 'I'm sure this belonged to that girl in the unusual cress.  Tomorrow I will try to find her.'

The next day, the Prince turned up at the house of the two ugly sisters and Cinderella.  The two ugly sisters tried on the shoe but it didn't fit, so the Prince said, 'Is there anyone else who lives here?'  'No,' said the ugly sisters, 'only our maid.'

'Can I see your maid?' he asked, his heart thumping.  He just knew that a moment of destiny awaited him.

'Okay,' they said, and went to fetch the maid.














It was an unusual wedding.  'It's not often,' said the vicar to a colleague, 'that I am asked to marry a royal personage to a pile of letters, but each to his own.  I suppose these days anything goes.'

And that is how it came to be that Cinderella spent the rest of her days with her ugly sisters, having missed out, because of some loser's typos, on a happy ending.  

And what became of the Prince, married to a variety of letters, bills and adverts from window companies?

'Actually,' he said to a friend, 'it's not that bad.  When you've lived your life attending Walls, just because that's the social expectation, even waking up with a selection of correspondence doesn't seem too bad.'

35 comments:

  1. I applaud your imagination and creativity. What a fun post. That cress for the wall will make the cover of Brogue. :)
    Manzanita

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  2. I just love the bit about the grass slippers and the ugly blisters!

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  3. oh this was such fun, a great read and very clever! Thanks for the laugh!

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  4. Fran, you are a true storyteller. I really enjoyed that especially:

    'That evening, Cinderella sat gazing at the heart, picking at some of the remains of the evening seal just because she had nothing to do'

    - that's my usual Saturday night, until X factor comes back.

    And I love the 'cress' dress, where can I get it? It beats the shamrock frock I wear on St. Patricks day.

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  5. Ok, the cress sent me overboard.

    Very funny!

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  6. I'd love to see this, adapted for panto.

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  7. Bravo - a really unique blog toast

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  8. Just magnificent.

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  9. Manzanita - like your 'Brogue' idea. Suddenly, what was a fashion icon of a publication has turned into a boring magazine about sensible shoes. Magic!

    Jackie - I hope that means 'hah, I enjoyed that' and not 'hah, you rogue, you, we have found you at last with your haul of gold ingots and have come to hang, draw and quarter you'. (Or perhaps I'm just reading too much into things.)

    Steve - grass slippers! How would you find your way over a lawn? How confusing!

    Words a Day - glad you enjoyed it.

    Brigid - I believe you can get the cress dress from a garden store near you. You'll need to wear a body stocking underneath.

    Kit - sorry to send you overboard. I hate to be responsible for drownings. It mars one's reputation so.

    Martin H - now there's an idea ....

    French Fancy - at least a blog toast is better than a clog post (a post one can only write when wearing very heavy wooden shoes)

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  10. Fran, you are being very hilly and must try to be more serial.

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  11. JQ - thank you! Glad you enjoyed it.

    Isabelle - I will try to behave butter.

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  12. That was fun! Poor Cindy - I bet my MCs are hoping I'm not making any typos from now on!! :)

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  13. I love it - the 'salad outfit' was a particular favourite!

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  14. Green Ink - thank you. Glad you liked my typo-tale.

    Sean - tank you.

    Jemi - typos are fun. In the right context.

    Annie - It's what you call salad dressing.

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  15. Berry willy and gun ;-)

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  16. Haha that was souperb!
    Cress as a fashion accessory, who would have thought!
    Sheer brilliance!

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  17. You always crack me up, my clever, brilliant friend. This was awesome. :)

    (see, I even sneaked a plug in a socket to quickly sneak in a visit you.)

    *quietly tiptoes back out and pulls the plug*

    Love,
    Lola

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  18. Carolina - I bet that's the first time you've ever typed that!

    Gill - You don't know about cress fashion? Ah, you're not buying the right magazines.

    Lola - Hide that plug!!! You'll never get anything done! (But thanks for making me part of your break ...)

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  19. Anonymous12/9/10 15:12

    very clover
    right up my sheet

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  20. Oh my god. You are amazing. Do you think an MRI would shed any light on just how that brain of yours works?? Obviously it doesn't function like the rest of us.

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  21. That's not the story I read, thatwas about Aschenputtel. Now make something of that if you can.

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  22. Anonymous - I'm so gland.

    Deborah - you're not the first to say such a thing, you're not the first.

    Friko - now I'm going to have to go and Google that. Don't you realise I have things to do, woman?

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  23. Friko - I enjoyed that Ash-in-Puddles story about fairy tale heroines who stub their fags out on rainy streets while waiting for their Princes to turn up. Very good, very good.

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  24. How do you come up with these stories? You are udderly brilliant:)

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  25. I'm amused.

    That cow picture made me giggle for some reason.

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  26. Haha!

    I love that photo of the seal! Of course a fairytale needs a seal. Wonder how it tastes?

    Thanks for the laugh, Fran! :)

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  27. Alexandra Crocodile - I have no idea where these stories come from. The part of my brain marked 'idiot', probably.

    Whispering Writer - cows always make me giggle. What an odd animal they are! Especially the back view, like that!

    Talli - Well, there's the Three Little Seals, Goldilocks and the Three Seals, Hanseal and Gretel (ouch) ...

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  28. What a fun, creative and clever post. Loved it.

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  29. *LMAO* As a fellow teacher, I'm sure you'll appreciate this typo I had in one of my lesson slides--thanks to a rushed job late at night! In place of the word "micro-organisms" I left out the 'N' and the 'I'.

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  30. Dyche Designs - thank you. I love adjectives which come three at once, like buses.

    JC - yes, that is an unfortunate one. Still, I'm sure your students appreciated the laugh. Teaching keeps you humble, that's for sure.

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  31. Fran this is GREAT! Love it and I so rarely laugh out loud before 7am.
    I am your latest follower - thank you too for your comment at my blog - fush and chups though? - surely you'd have to admit it does sound silly....

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  32. Ann - I can understand the pre-7am thing, so I'm glad it made you laugh. Thank you for following. As for 'fush and chups', I love accents, so I'm never going to think that sounds silly!

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