Evidence that the bus is where I really belong
2. Should one start a conversation, or is it the thing to keep quiet? And if one does start a conversation, what does one say (apart from 'I have this annoying habit of saying 'one' when it's really such very old hat - can you advise me?)? I didn't know whether to say, 'Nice weather today, eh?' or 'Lovely soft seats' or 'I like this song that's on the radio' or 'Hell, old chap, I haven't got a clue what to say in these situations - could you start the dialogue off and I'll follow'.
3. I wasn't sure he knew where we were going. Is it the thing to say, 'I think it's a left here' or is that a real insult to a taxi driver? Would he be offended? Or would he be more offended to find we were approaching the North East Coast and I was still sitting in the back, pretending not to notice as the sea lapped over the tyres and the engine cut out as we hit the deep water and fish bobbed in via the exhaust pipe?
4. Is it okay to pay while you're still in the back seat, or is it compulsory to get out of the car first then put half of your upper body into one of the windows and flick through a wad of dollar bills? Or have I been watching too many American films?
5. When you get out, what do you say? Just 'thanks' or 'cheers'? Are you meant to say 'goodbye', or is that like saying, 'Wow, we really got some kind of emotional bond while I was in your taxi, my friend. I think the next step is dinner and wine at Prezzo Italian, don't you?'
I hope he doesn't brake too suddenly, because I have this unusually long, thin neck and my head will be in his lap before he knows what's happening.
No wonder I take the bus. I know all that stuff.