A fun idea for a game for which you will need dice and a bus
I have invented a new game which I play on the bus and am intending on inventing a new board game based on it. It's called the 'If I Get on the Bus and it's Empty, Can I Possibly Ride all the Way Home Without Another Passenger Getting on and Spoiling my Fun?' game. It's SUCH a hoot to play, and if I can get the board game marketed by Christmas, I'll be quids in, and will be rolling in cash, and won't need to be bothered at all about losing money because THE NEWSPAPER COLUMN I HAVE HAD FOR TWO YEARS HAS BEEN DROPPED AND NO I'M NOT AT ALL UPSET ABOUT IT BUT DON'T HUG ME WHATEVER YOU DO.
I know you are excited about my game, and want to know the details even before the official board game comes into the shops (or, for an advance order, log on to my website at www.gamesideasforthederanged.co.uk).
So, here are the rules.
9.35pm. Get on the bus in the evening and find it gloriously empty, so that you have a choice of all the seats and can pretend it is your PRIVATE bus, commissioned only to pick you up and take you home after a long and arduous parents' evening. Leisurelyly (?) choose a seat, and relax. Pretend you are a film star with a personal chauffeur (er ... whose Lamborghini is at the garage). Go forward 20 spaces.
9.37pm. Approach first bus stop. No one is there. Bus goes straight past. Go forward 2 spaces.
9.39pm. Approach second bus stop. No one is there either. Bus goes straight past. Go forward 2 spaces.
9.42pm. Approach third bus stop. Bus slows down. Get anxious. Lift yourself out of the seat slightly so you can see whether or not there's anyone waiting. There's no one. Resist leaping up in the air and shouting 'YES!' otherwise you may get thrown off the bus and that would spoil the whole game. Bus speeds up again and goes past. Go forward 2 spaces.
9.45 Approach fourth bus stop. Note that there are two people waiting at it. Slump down in seat with disappointed sigh as bus slows down. The fun is over. Prepare to go backwards 10 spaces. Then .... Then .... note that as bus approaches stop, the two people wander away from it, shaking their heads at the driver. Clench fists in suppressed excitement. Bite tongue by mistake. Go forward 2 spaces.
9.47 Approach fifth bus stop. No one there, but ... wait! There IS a man, running along the pavement alongside the bus. Is he trying to catch it? Is he just a jogger? Palpitate. Sweat. Shake. YES! He's just a jogger! Wave at him out of the window and blow him a kiss. Try to resist punching the air, but fail. Meet driver's eyes in mirror. Settle back down into seat quickly. Go forward 2 spaces.
THIS WAS GOING TO BE A PICTURE OF A BUS, BUT IT WOULDN'T WORK, SO INSTEAD THIS IS A MESSAGE TELLING YOU THERE WAS GOING TO BE A PICTURE OF A BUS HERE. IT WAS AN ATTEMPT AT INTRODUCING A NOTE OF TENSION. IT HAS NOT WORKED.
9.51 There is only one stop left until yours. You have nearly made it! But, if anyone gets on at this one, you are well and truly stuffed, and lose all the points won so far ................ But, as the bus approaches the stop, you see no one. No one is there! Yes, yes, yes! Prepare to go forward 10 spaces and reach 100! But, no! Surely not! It cannot be! Someone IS there, and what's more, because they were in a black coat, have dark hair, and were not looking in the direction of the bus, you didn't see them. GO BACK A MILLION SPACES AND TAKE A 'YOU ARE A HUMILIATED LOSER' CARD! The bus slows down to pick the person up. They get on the bus. How DARE they? This is YOUR bus! Still, on they get, and what's more, have the cheek to sit down and start eating crisps, on YOUR bus, munching away and making a noise like a pig at a trough, on YOUR bus, just when you're trying to cope with your grief. Oh no! Not the IPOD too! Not only the pig in trough noise, but now the tss-tss-tss of some god-awful music. Sigh the sigh of the deeply torn. Go back another million spaces.
9.54 The bus is approaching your stop. Dejected and despairing at having lost this game of 'If I Get on the Bus and it's Empty, Can I Possibly Ride all the Way Home without another Passenger Getting On and Spoiling My Fun?' you force yourself to stand up, ring the bell (the Ding-Ding only reinforcing your pain, like a funeral toll) and trudge down the aisle to the front, giving the black-coated-troughing-Ipodding INVADER the Look from Hell. Find yourself on the Square Number 1.
9.55 You get off. You glance back, wondering whether the black-coated-troughing-Ipodding passenger is now embarking on her own version of 'CIPRATWHWAPGOASMF?' Find yourself on the START square.
9.55 + 3 seconds. Say a bad prayer, which goes, 'Dear God. Please make someone get on at the next stop so that she fails at her game of 'CIPRATWHWAPGOASMF?' even more quickly than I did.' Fall off the edge of the board into the fires of hell.