Evidence that even when not on a bus or walking I can make a complete eejit of myself
Sorry to disappoint. Nothing happened while I was walking to/from my new job today, although I guess it could have done on the way home because it was dark and the quickest route takes me through a deserted park, under a bridge and down an isolated country path. *Owl screeching and wind howling and general ghosty noises* None of it is lit (apart from by my radiant personality, but funnily enough, despite that I still couldn't see a damn thing.)
But if anything HAD happened, I don't think I'd have posting about it under a facetious title like 'Reasons not to take the shortcut, ho ho ho, I'm so hilarious!' You would have seen the headlines elsewhere.
I will need to consider whether or not I should walk the extra five minutes to go the lighted way. But that's past the fish and chip shop. Both are extremely dangerous routes, therefore.
So, no walking stories .............
BUT ....
what DID happen, while I was just sitting still in a meeting went like this ...
1. Get to meeting - pray that residual cough doesn't rear its ugly head during proceedings.
2. Feel tickle in throat during really quiet bit.
3. Sense tickle becoming more than tickle.
4. Start to cough. The more I cough, the quieter the meeting gets. (Why is this always the case?)
5. Cough as though I have TB, swine flu, bird flu, and whateveritis-oniosis that miners get.
6. Have to leave the room, coughing over people in an attempt to apologise.
7. Head straight for the table where the teas and coffees are laid out for break time.
8. Still coughing, fill a mug of water with water straight from the urn. (Please don't ask me why. I just did. Call it momentary loss of sense due to TB, swine flu, bird flu ...) .
9. Still coughing, DRINK SOME BOILING HOT WATER.
10. Still coughing, realise I have drunk boiling hot water. Experience pain - as well as coughing.
11. Still coughing, still paining, look round - realise that the dining hall is full of other people who are hoping that someone else has got a first aid certificate.
12. Still coughing, still in pain, walk through all those people towards the ladies toilets, looking like I've just escaped from a sanitorium, eyes streaming, nose streaming, coughing like a steam train.
13. Five minutes later, come back, and have to walk through them all again, while they stare.
14. Re-enter the meeting.
15. Five minutes later, feel tickle in throat and have to leave meeting again.
16. Face SAME lot of people ..... blah blah blah cough splutter cough splutter
Honestly. Why can't I just go to a meeting like any ordinary person in her first day of a new job, sit in the chair, contribute nicely and make a good impression without doing an 'I'm-really-just-rehearsing-for-my-new-role-as-a-world-war-one-gas-victim' act?
Needless to say, on my lonely, isolated, desolate walk home from school, and since then, not a tickle in sight. But that tender skin on the roof of my mouth hurts like crazy. Ouch.
Tomorrow the teaching begins. Let's hope I can retain a shred of dignity in front of the kids, even if I can't manage it in front of a room of adults.
But if anything HAD happened, I don't think I'd have posting about it under a facetious title like 'Reasons not to take the shortcut, ho ho ho, I'm so hilarious!' You would have seen the headlines elsewhere.
I will need to consider whether or not I should walk the extra five minutes to go the lighted way. But that's past the fish and chip shop. Both are extremely dangerous routes, therefore.
So, no walking stories .............
BUT ....
what DID happen, while I was just sitting still in a meeting went like this ...
1. Get to meeting - pray that residual cough doesn't rear its ugly head during proceedings.
2. Feel tickle in throat during really quiet bit.
3. Sense tickle becoming more than tickle.
4. Start to cough. The more I cough, the quieter the meeting gets. (Why is this always the case?)
5. Cough as though I have TB, swine flu, bird flu, and whateveritis-oniosis that miners get.
6. Have to leave the room, coughing over people in an attempt to apologise.
7. Head straight for the table where the teas and coffees are laid out for break time.
8. Still coughing, fill a mug of water with water straight from the urn. (Please don't ask me why. I just did. Call it momentary loss of sense due to TB, swine flu, bird flu ...) .
9. Still coughing, DRINK SOME BOILING HOT WATER.
10. Still coughing, realise I have drunk boiling hot water. Experience pain - as well as coughing.
11. Still coughing, still paining, look round - realise that the dining hall is full of other people who are hoping that someone else has got a first aid certificate.
12. Still coughing, still in pain, walk through all those people towards the ladies toilets, looking like I've just escaped from a sanitorium, eyes streaming, nose streaming, coughing like a steam train.
13. Five minutes later, come back, and have to walk through them all again, while they stare.
14. Re-enter the meeting.
15. Five minutes later, feel tickle in throat and have to leave meeting again.
16. Face SAME lot of people ..... blah blah blah cough splutter cough splutter
Honestly. Why can't I just go to a meeting like any ordinary person in her first day of a new job, sit in the chair, contribute nicely and make a good impression without doing an 'I'm-really-just-rehearsing-for-my-new-role-as-a-world-war-one-gas-victim' act?
Needless to say, on my lonely, isolated, desolate walk home from school, and since then, not a tickle in sight. But that tender skin on the roof of my mouth hurts like crazy. Ouch.
Tomorrow the teaching begins. Let's hope I can retain a shred of dignity in front of the kids, even if I can't manage it in front of a room of adults.
Laughing so so much. With you, obviously, not AT you.
ReplyDeleteGood to know teachers are 'human' too *ahem*
Those coughs are so annoying, always rear their ugly heads at the wrong moment. Hope it goes soon, and oh be careful were you walk in the dark!
ReplyDeleteOh no! It is always the way isn't it? The most inappropriate time to get a monstrous tickle. Hope the next meeting is more productive for you!
ReplyDeleteIt is very telling . . . about ME . . . that I thought: Aha! Perfect setup for calling in sick tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI forgot it's a new job for you.
I'd pass the fish 'n' chips shop, get takeout and avoid having to cook supper. Never mind the safety aspect.
Walk the lighted way...we want you around a bit longer! Now my chicken enchiladas baking in the oven don't sound quite so tasty...I want fish 'n chips!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the kids. I hope you have fun.
Poor you. But fear not, I feel a post coming on, about the time I dropped off in front of my line manager...when she was explaining something to me!
ReplyDeleteThe route that passes the chip shop sounds like the healthier option, Fran.
And that's just the first day! can't wait for the day 2 post. i think chips can cure anything even a cough and burnt mouth, take the chip shop route tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThere's a joke about sucking a fisherman's friend but I can't think what it is...
ReplyDeleteAt least you made an impact - no-one's going to not know who you are now... and CPR is a great way to meet new people!
ReplyDeleteAnd what's the point of 'quiet' meetings anyway? I had to do a presentation for a bunch of teachers once - and they ALL talked at the back!
At least you left an impression - good or bad - they'll remember YOU !
ReplyDeleteDid have to giggle though - sorry
Congratulations on your new job.
ReplyDeleteThink about it ! You avoided the newby's pitfall of being the one who "volunteers" to take on the one thing everyone else is desperate to avoid .
ReplyDeleteWithout that cough , you could have found yourself producing 3c's production of Les Miserables .
Unless opportunities like that are what made you take this job ?
P.S. That short cut is empty for a reason .
That made me laugh my head off! You doughnut. If it helps, I had the same problem on my first day at the factory when I had to address a large group of people. I felt such a nob!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with you new job though x
LOL hope your gob is better soon - the kids won't notice :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, you poor thing - nothing worse than an uncontrollable coughing fit. Well, apart from perhaps accidenatlly drinking a cup of boiling water. Hope your mouth recovers soon.
ReplyDeleteYou MUST walk home the safe way - chip shop or not. The dark way is really not worth the risk.
Oodles of luck for the new job.
XX
It must have been silly-cosis. Isn't that what miners get?
ReplyDeleteLook on the bright side. In spite all that coughing the old pelvic floor held up for you. I *know* someone who can't say the same after a recent similar bout of lurgy....cough cough.....oops! I hope you are feeling much better very soon. Batten down the hatches - there's a mug of honey and lemon and a duvet with your name on them x
ReplyDelete