There are bathroom cupboard mirrors, and there are full-length mirrors.
And that is why I've always wanted Big Hair.
When I look in the bathroom cupboard mirror (from the neck upwards), I am just about content with the size of my hair. This is because it is in proportion to the size of my face.
Here is someone with hair about the same size as mine.
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This woman is saying, 'I'm so glad my hair is like Fran's. I just so wish I were as stunning as she is.'
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So, I don't need Big Hair if I just use my bathroom mirror.
The full-length wardrobe mirror is another matter. When I look in that, if I start at the top and look gradually down, this is the effect.
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Fran in a blue dress (with Small Hair)
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My thinking is, how much more I'd be brave enough to look in the wardrobe mirror if my hair was anything like this ...
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| This person is saying, 'I wish Mummy had waited until I was 7 to push me into my modelling career.' |
Or maybe if it were like this ........
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| This woman is saying, 'I've got so much eye make-up on, if I dare nod my head, I'll never get it back up.' |
Or even like this .......
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| This woman is saying, 'They said I looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. As I told them, I had, but the hedge came too.' |
If I had any of these hairstyles, I'd be looking at something with proportions more like this.
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| Fran in the same blue dress but with Big Hair |
What inspired this post, you ask, apart from the usual crazy and random decision that precedes most of my posts?
It's because I washed my hair this morning with some shampoo that made my hair go all flat and lifeless, and it's clinging to my head like a family of limpets with attachment issues, and looking even Smaller than usual. Today, even my face in the bathroom mirror looks a bit like this.
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| Fran's face with Limpet Hair. Reassuringly, the face is not normally blue. Which goes to show one can find comfort in any small thing when one is desperate. |
Just going off to look at wigs on e-bay.
Or maybe that's Hairy-bay.
Suggestion: make yourself some fake hair out of polystyrene. Simple cut a whole in a big block of polystyrene and insert your head. The trim the rest of the block into the style of your choice. The best thing about polystyrene is when you take it off your hair will stand on end and still look big.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, hair...I remember that.
ReplyDeleteSome problems can best be solved by Very Tall Hats.
ReplyDeleteI would prefer your rectangle, or even your triangle, to what I see when I glimpse myself in a store window (I avoid full length mirrors). My image looks more like a Frosty the Snowman . . . three graduated balls, one atop the other. :-<
ReplyDeletePhotos are worse. The bathroom mirror is, as you say, fine(ish). But then your mother takes a picture of you with your confused aunt, who is nearly 89 and barely remembers who she is, and who looks younger and fresher in the photo?
ReplyDeleteI'm looking at the photo now. And yes, she has more hair too.
PS. Your photo is evidence that you have a better beard than any of these women. Or me, thankfully. Or my aunt.
ReplyDelete"It's clinging to my head like a limpet with attachment issues." Who cares about the hair; what I'm in envy of is your ability to come up with lines like this one!
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how different shampoos can have that flattening effect. When that happens, I can't stand it and have to rewash with another shampoo :/
ReplyDeleteHave you got a blue rinse in your hair? Try a different colour dress next time.
ReplyDeleteI love this post because I know exactly what you mean! I call it my ice cream cone shape!
ReplyDeleteSteve - why didn't I just come to you in the first place?
ReplyDeleteMartin H - similarly ... ah, a waist! I remember that!
The Merry - that is such a good idea. I need a few extra inches on my height anyway.
June - now that DID make me smile! The worst windows are those blacked out ones that catch you by surprise.
Isabelle - ah, the beard. Yes, I forgot to mention that. I'll stay content with a Small One of those.
Raining Acorns - maybe I should recite my best lines to myself as I look into the mirror. A kind of compensation thing going on.
Joanne - Next time, don't worry, I will. I'm not having this 'I've got a shower cap on' feeling all day ever again.
Linens - I'm getting to the blue rinse stage, I have to say, and I'm quite looking forward to it, after a lifetime of brunette.
Words a Day - ice cream has quite a lot to do with my shape, come to think of it.
Aww Fran, you do make me laugh. You did all those blue shapes to represent your hair and body shape, and I understood each one exactly. Funny bird!
ReplyDeleteHead gripping hair is GOOD. Mine grows up and out. My hairdresser uses garden shears to lop it.
ReplyDeleteAnna May x
Annie - Funny Big Bird.
ReplyDeleteAnna May - Up and out is what I WANT. The only way I'll achieve it is by being electrocuted, and that seems a tad drastic. Some days.
You envied Bob Marley?
ReplyDeleteI don't blame her, Friko. I always wanted dreadlocks. At least until I found out the way to get them is not to wash your hair for 6 months and thereafter wash it with a bar of handsoap.
ReplyDeleteBut Fran, I do sympathize. My current hairdresser very unkindly referred to me as a pinhead once for having disporportionately small hair to my overall stature. Ever since I have aimed for big-ness.
Friko - just the hair. Oh, and the fame.
ReplyDeleteDeborah - You STAYED with the hairdresser?
Fran, I have big hair and I wish to god I had small hair.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting a hair straightener for my birthday very soon and I'm hoping it will sort some of that shit out because frankly I'm sick of having a bird's nest atop my crown.
But she cuts really well. And besides, she just said out loud what I susupected all along. PLUS, she's DUTCH and there was an ESL thing going on.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, those of us with big hair wish we had small hair (I'm with you, Eat My Shorts!) I went to my stylist for a trim a few days ago. and wound up with a pile of hair the size of a Newfoundland on the floor. I may need to steal this topic for my blog. I promise to give you credit, though.
ReplyDeleteI knew there must be a reason for my hairspray addiction. I must have been sunconciously seeking to be in proportion for all this time! (I don't think I'll be opting for dreadlocks anytime soon though...)
ReplyDeleteOh Fran, bad hair days are rank! Chuck the shampoo and try something for volume. Love the tone/style of this post - brilliant!
ReplyDeleteAh , you've got Silicone Hair Syndrome ( as opposed to Silicone Icecream Cone-shaped Booby Syndrome ) ..... Tea Tree Oil shampoo sorts that one out .
ReplyDeleteBut then you'll have HayStack Hair .
(I'm looking for a remedy for Capital Letter Syndrome ).
eat my shorts - no, no, no, bird's nest is GOOD. Me want bird's nest.
ReplyDeleteLesley - great simile there. Yes, borrow away.
Katie - I think my mum had a hairspray addiction. She used to have one of those beehive hairstyles that needed backcombing. (This was the 1960s ...)
Karen - The only time I get volume is when I've just got out of bed. But it's not really a daytime style.
SmitandSon - I WANT haystack hair. Is tea tree oil a guarantee?
I have always had Small Hair - I decided to "go with it" a couple of years ago (no more perms, no more "volumising shampoo/conditioner/mousse/industrial spray") and have most of it chopped off very short so I can funk it up and I have it dyed wacky colours (to hide the grey). No one forgets the looney with the purple/crimson hair, albeit rather lacking in the actual hair department. It's so short I don't even bother putting any "product" on it, and if I get rained on, it doesn't matter - I look like a drowned rat after a drizzly shower but it takes 5 minutes to dry off. It's taken me 46 years to work this one out :-) Electrocution is not the way forward, I assure you! Jo
ReplyDeleteSo funny-and true! Mine must have just the right ratio of poof to head shape or I look like a Tootsie Pop. Getting out of bed? I look like Conan O'Brien. Mantra? "Hairspray is our friend."
ReplyDeleteAs ever you get us all laughing! It is a truth universally acknowledged that no woman is ever satisfied with her hair.. not helped by parents who only took photos of a small girl who'd just had her hair curled with Mother's very uncomfortable Carmen rollers. The result lasted about half an hour before all the curl dropped out, so Father had to be quick.
ReplyDelete