Reasons why one should not look at the carpet when one is getting ready to go to work
What makes it even more of a Bad Start is having made friends with said woodlouse at the weekend while it meandered around your living room carpet as you sat with your feet up reading a book. I'm tempted to claim I was reading Kafka's Metamorphosis, in which he wakes up as a beetle, but I wasn't. Shame. These little coincidences are helpful to the blogger when they do happen, but it's no good lying about it because then you get thousands of comments (I wish) saying, 'Oh, I'm reading Metamorphosis too - isn't it fab?' and then you have to lie again in your reply comment and claim you've read all his books and you're a distant relative and had him round to tea on many occasions and ... oh ... it can all get very awkward.
Better to just admit that you were reading 'How to Be a Well Good English Teacher'. I think that was the title. I may be wrong.
But Me and Woodlouse were getting on famously and at one point I may even have read bits of 'Well Good English Teacher' out to him while we were relaxing together in the living room. I may not have, though. (See above re exaggeration.)
(Friko, I know it should have been 'Woodlouse and I' but somehow that sounds very, very wrong.)
Anyway, back to the woodlouse body parts. I suspect it was brought from the living room into the hall under the Husband's whopping size 94 boots. I don't like to speculate on the actual moment of its death, but I think its demise probably went a) massive sudden headache, b) moment of confusion and sudden memories of many life experiences, c) division into four separate parts, all attached to underside of a shoe.
As I put my coat on this morning, I looked down at the four parts of the woodlouse. Funny how one's mind thinks 'jigsaw puzzle' at these moments, and it was all I could do not to bend down and see if Part A would slot neatly into Part B and then into C and D until ... voila! - back comes Woodlouse, just minus Life. Then I could have told it that joke, 'What do you call a deer with one eye?' (No eye deer.) What do you call a dead deer with one eye? (Still no eye deer.)'
But that would have been cruel. And anyway I had to get to work. And I knew that, if I was late, trying to explain about the woodlouse just wasn't going to wash.
|This is a whole one, but it looks Very Dead. I couldn't find a picture of a quartered one. And I'm wondering how many other people in the world have typed 'quartered woodlouse' into Google.|