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Thursday, 21 April 2011

Reasons why the burqini is already SO yesterday ....

Blimey, packing for my beach holiday this year is going to be SO easy now I've decided to wear a sackini.  Forget all that faffing about with swimwear, sun tan lotion, waxing, shaving, polishing and creosoting (or is that just fences?) - the sackini solves all these problems.

Here it is: this year's new swimwear option.




You can see already how the sack is positively designed to be worn as beach wear.  It is one size fits all - voluminous enough to fit the largest female form, whether that voluptuousness be caused by I'm-a-nobody- roast-dinners-and-apple-crumbles-throughout-the-winter-months or by the fact that you are a-television-celebrity-cook-who's-a-brilliant-advert-for-her-own-profiteroles.

And if you want to keep your beach picnic in the sack, too, as well as your towel, picnic blanket, beach volleyball set, Jilly Cooper novels and perhaps children, there's loads of room.

The tie does up nicely round the neck, leaving a bit of sacking that comes up just under the eyes so that you can look out for sharks (or paparazzi) while you're in the water.

Sackinis are available in other styles, too.





This 'Honestly-I'm-really-a-sack-of-vegetables' style is perfect if you're wanting that discreet holiday away from the glare of publicity.  Rather than just the plain sack, which screams 'Hey, come over here, I want to be in the Daily Mail tomorrow', this sack, labelled with the names of popular foodstuffs, will convince anyone that you're just a plain old bag of veg, out for a family day at the beach with all the little spudlets and turniplets.

The other advantage about this one is that, when you're out swimming, sharks and other violent sealife won't touch you as they don't eat vegetables.  A sack labelled 'Smaller Fish' would, of course, have quite a different effect and is not recommended unless, of course, the paparazzi are already on your case and being ravaged by a shark seems like an attractive alternative option at the time.

There is one more sackini option you may like to try.


This one has a strongly seasonal theme and may look totally out of place on a hot beach.

But, hey, what's new?

11 comments:

  1. What a great idea. It'll save me having to spend money waxing my... er... sack.

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  2. Goodness, Fran, what a lot of (top quality) posts you've done while I've been in Norfolk for a week. I wonder if there's a connection here. Me: goes away. Fran: is very productive. Hmm.

    By the way - don't want to gloat, but - I'm retiring at the end of June. There are compensations for being Very Old. (Though the minute pension isn't one of them, alas.)

    It's going to be up to you to teach the nation how to use the apostrophe because frankly, despite trying on and off since 1973, I don't seem to have had much effect on this aspect of British education. Over to you...

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  3. Steve - thanks for that....

    Isabelle - The only connection is that I am also on holiday and squeezing in blog posts in between the marking/planning/biscuit eating. And as for you retiring, this is not allowed. Who will I spat with over lengths of holidays and snow days?

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  4. Brilliant! I hope my local department store has plenty of Sackini's on display. You may have started something, Fran. (probably wouldn't be the first time, eh?)

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  5. And do you realize how thin your arms and legs will look when allowed to poke out of the sackini? It's genius.

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  6. Mine's an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot sackini, with ice and lemon please.
    Anna May x

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  7. Love it! I'd feel so much more comfortable at the water, knowing people are admiring me in my sackini.

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  8. So much more this year than the muu-muu .

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  9. Lesley - I thought it might be best if there were some others wearing the same as me ...

    I'm Crayon - they don't call me Style Queen for nothing. Er ... actually, they DON'T call me Style Queen. Why IS that?

    Anna May - I'll join you. Make a space for me on the sand.

    Linda - 'Admiring' may not be the verb you're looking for. But, hey, anything to be noticed!

    SmitandSon - oh, THAT thing! So old hat now the sackini is here.

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  10. Dauhter was choosin her Tankini today - I think a sackini will do me nicely.

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  11. Does it have holes for the legs?
    The only quibble I have is that you're taking Jilly Cooper novels, otherwise I agree with the wisdom of everything you say.

    Now, that doesn't happen very often, seeing how kind you usually are to babies. Actually, a baby or two would fit in the bottom of the sackini without any problem; and if they should cry you could always kick them or maybe put your big toe into their mouths if you were feeling particularly maternal.

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