2. I could just make up my words as I went along. I haven't had to practise saying, 'Hi, what number do you live at?' for weeks and weeks, worrying about whether I'd say, 'Number what live do you at, Hi? by mistake.
3. Showering myself with icing sugar when biting into a cake didn't matter so much as it would have done had I been wearing a 2011 Sarah Burton dress rather than my Bon Marche fleece bought in 1994.
4. I only had to walk out of my front door and into the road, not along fourteen miles of red carpet dragging enough material to dress all of the Chinese.
5. I didn't have four toddlers following me who could have needed a wee at any time.
6. There were no men in dresses at my event.
7. No one tried to put a ring on me, in the process finding out that I was nervous and sweaty.
8. No one got hold of my dress and lifted it up at the back.
9. It was okay to pop back indoors for a frayed woolly jumper when I got cold without worrying that a) pulling it over my head might risk catching it on the diamond tiara and b) anyone photographing the event might make me take it off.
10. When neighbours asked if they could see round our house because they live on the other side of the street and had never seen houses our side, it was okay to say yes because my grandma-in-law a) wasn't in and b) isn't the monarch.
|The street's reaction to Fran's stylish wearing of her 1994 fleece was only to be expected|