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Sunday, 28 August 2011

Reasons for and against adopting Dracula's nocturnal lifestyle

I'm just doing a re-read of Dracula ready for going back to school next week (sob ..) and, I have to say, I find his 'sleep in the daytime, stay awake at night' lifestyle intriguing.

(And, another thing, I'm loving the absence of mirrors - I mean, I like this man's thinking!)

Anyhow, I've been considering whether to adopt his nocturnal habit, and it's meant going through some of the pros and cons.

1. I wouldn't be able to shop for clothes in Britain because the High Streets would be closed, so I could phone fashionable stores in Japan or China to see if they had the jeans I'd just seen online.....

BUT I'd have to be prepared either to lose half my body weight or wear the jeans only on my feet and have the rest flapping along behind me.

2. I would have to give up teaching as a career ('Hi, I've rung about the English teacher post ... oh, you mean, it's in the daytime?.... it never said on the ad ..... oh well, never MIND! *leaps up in air and throws National Curriculum guidelines to the skies*).....

BUT the problem with this is, I quite like the bits of my job that aren't marking by numbers or having no time to eat lunch.  I especially love the bit where I get to read books and make other people sit and listen while I tell them why they should love them too.  Okay, it's not good for the self-esteem when they insist on listening with their heads on the desks and their arms flopping listlessly at their sides, but ... I'm doing it right, aren't I?  Yes?  No?

3. I could keep my pyjamas on all the time because in the daytime I'd be asleep and in bed and in the night time everyone else would be in bed and wouldn't see me......

BUT there's something about wearing an elasticated waist band 24/7 that would mark me out as a certain type of person and as there are already rumours, this would seem a step in the wrong direction.

4. There would be no need to dust or hoover, because I would never see the dirt in the house.....

BUT dying by asphyxiation just because you have allowed the layers of dust to become taller than you seems a nasty way to go.  And leaving a codicil in your will to say 'Please hoover my corpse before burial' would be tough on any grieving relative.

All things considered, maybe I'll just leave things the way they are.  It's good, though, to consider other people's lifestyle choices once in a while.

I'm jealous of his red lips, though.  If only mine were red like that and not the pathetic pink of a pork chop gone off.

I googled 'Dracula' and found a picture of this fish which is called a 'dracula fish'.  I mean, that even beats the BECKHAMS for giving their offspring names which are obviously going to blight their prospects.


Mother, if only it weren't for my name, I know I'd be a hit with the lady fish!  




15 comments:

  1. I've always wondered if people called Damien have 666 tattoed on their heads.

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  2. My daughter turned nocturnal over the summer holiday - went back to school last Thursday and it was a huge culture shock. She hasn't stopped complaining yet.

    XX

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  3. Reading Dracula in preparation for school eh? When I went to school it was all Shakespeare. Oh, and Brighton Rock, which I enjoyed much more.
    If you start staying in and wearing elasticated waistbands, you'll end up with a reputation.
    Just don't buy any cats.....

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  4. Dracula as opposed to Twilight? You are so not down with the kids.

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  5. bad penny - Hope not - easy to get mistaken for a bus to town.

    Suzanne - ah yes, I forgot that the average teen is virtually living the vampire life anyway.

    Martin - yes, we do Shakespeare, too, and Brighton Rock. But I do love a bit of the old Gothic.

    Steve - just a few hundred years behind, it seems. Sigh.

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  6. After reading about the lifestyle of a vampire, I just realized that--except for the biting necks part--I AM a vampire!

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  7. Well, I'm a veggie so I couldn't be a vampire. I'd rather be a Jane Austen heroine because they never do any housework or marking or anything much apart from reading, walking and generally faffing about. I'm so good at the latter already. However, I don't fancy marrying Mr Darcy.

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  8. fishducky - great - so once you've got the hang of the biting necks thing, you'll be a proper one, and will be eligible to wear the black cloak.

    Isabelle - You. Don't. Fancy. Marrying. Mr. Darcy.? Are. You. Real?

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  9. Why are you READING Dracula ? Nip down to your nearest video shop and get the DVD out , for heaven's sake .Then you will be able to engage with your class who'll all have done the same thing .
    P.S. I quite understand Isabelle's not wanting to marry Mr. Darcy . The clammy shirt would be offputting .

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  10. I remember reading Dracula and didn't sleep for a week so I kinda experienced it anyway

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  11. What do you say if a pupil shouts out, "Miss, Dracula sucks!"

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  12. SmitandSon - so CYNICal about modern youth! so RIGHT!

    Tara - that's called efficiency.

    Martin - If that ever happens, it will be one of the best moments of my teaching career.

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  13. Colin Firth I would consider. Mr Actual Darcy, no. Unless he was away all the time and I could wander round Pemberley uninterrupted.

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  14. Never fancied Dracula, but Mr.Darcy? How do I get him?

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  15. Isabelle - ah, you have a point there.

    hausfrau - never fancied Dracula? What is WRONG with you? He has it all ... the sharpened teeth ... the pointy ears .... the ability to climb down walls like a lizard ... what more do you want in a man?

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