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Saturday, 24 September 2011

Reasons why plucking up courage isn't always easy

Tonight I am doing some stuff at a gig in my local town.  I need confidence.  I need courage.  I need bravery.

What I don't need, is for this to be the day I find out that some of my eyebrow hairs are beginning to grow in different directions.  Whereas they always used to lie fairly happily against the rest of the eyebrow as if they knew they belonged, some are now making a bid for freedom and sticking out North, East, South and West, as though looking to go backpacking.

I found this out when I looked at my profile in the  mirror.  There are at least five hairs in each eyebrow which are at right angles to my face.

I am going on a Google search, to see if I can find an illustration to show you what I mean.  What are the odds that I'll find no pictures of any other women in the world with this problem - just pictures of blokes - just to ram the message home that I am a Bizarre Unfortunate.

See.  First picture that comes up - a man.


Granted, this does make me feel a little bit better about myself, but big trees begin with little acorns, and this could be my future.


Here's a woman with fairly hairy eyebrows (which are apparently in fashion, so I've been seeing on Google, so maybe all is not lost).  However, she has other advantages which seem to balance things out nicely.  I have none of these.


She has to be careful though.  Any more plumping injections on those lips and one day they will meet the eyebrows.  She will get fewer phone calls from modelling agencies.



Alistair Darling, shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer, has a slightly different problem.




I really want to see what colour his beard is when it comes through.



Will I, like this man below, have to eventually rest my heavy eyebrows on the frames of my glasses to support them?...



I know you'll tell me just to pluck them out, but I'm worried that if I do so they'll just grow back, thicker, stronger and longer, like some kind of zombie attacker that thrives on being cut in half.

Not that I'm feeling negative about this, or anything.  Tonight, I think I'll wear a woollen cap which I can pull down right over my forehead, just in case anyone notices, and spends the whole evening wondering why my eyebrow hairs are so desperate to get away from me.  Hopefully, the audience won't be feeling the same way.

20 comments:

  1. Pull them out. They may grow back, but not thicker. That's a myth. Or you couldl wear Dame Edna spectacles, which cover up half her/his face?

    Anyway, good luck tonight! (And you're right about Alistair Darling. It makes one wonder about other part of his...oh, never mind.)

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  2. Brylcream. Or vaseline.

    Actually no - stick to the Brylcream.

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  3. I think the reason most men don't trim their long, wiry eyebrows is that they think that if they should go bald they could comb their eyebrows back to disguise their hair loss. I've seen some combovers that look like that.

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  4. Frances - I knew I needed a change of image. The Dame Edna spectacles are JUST the right thing.

    Steve - thanks, chum. Just like a man's solution - just SLICK it all down, and people will think you look GORGEOUS.

    fishducky - well, that's a comfort, should I ever go bald as well as hairy-eyebrowed.

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  5. You are Not Alone.
    I snip 'em off.
    Mostly because even with a 10X magnifying mirror I can't seem to latch onto them with my tweezers. When I have, it seems they are more firmly rooted than they used to me, and their departure hurts.

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  6. Good luck tonight, Fran. Raising eyebrows must be second nature for you, surely?

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  7. No need to panic any more . There's still a special offer on a 1oz. tin of moustache wax and comb for $14.95 from hndlebars (sic) . It's guaranteed to keep everything in place , shipshape and yet appealingly strokeable for hours and hours .
    Twirling , optional .

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  8. No, Smit and Son, eyebrow twirling is not a good look. Baton twirling, now - that might distract the audience from your hirsute appendages.

    Actually, I'm just jealous. My eyebrows are rapidly vanishing with my advancing age. Not sure where they're going. Not my chin, I trust.

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  9. June - are you seriously suggesting I look into a 10x magnifying mirror? Are you TRYING to ruin my life?

    Martin Punmeister - it went well, thanks. As for the raising eyebrows thing, I think the age of Botox is putting paid to all that.

    Anna May - I always know where to come for the most life-affirming advice.

    smitandSon - surprisingly, no one has seemed keen to stroke my eyebrows for quite a few years now.

    Isabelle - I will add baton twirling to my act immediately. It will go down well after my belly-dancing-while-swallowing-swords routine.

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  10. Too bad we can't share. I have no eyebrows to speak of.

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  11. you have eyebrow hairs?
    mine alas have joined the general downward slide favoured by the rest of my bod and and taken up residence on my chin...

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  12. Karen G - we could try and organise it. But I'm warning you. These hairs are Serious.

    tedandbunny - So, next the hairy chest, if it carries on like that, then.

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  13. Largely I avoid magnifying mirrors for exactly this sort of difficulty... without my glasses AND the mirror I can't see any problems with my face and many of my friends are equally eyesight challenged. And I bet your audience couldn't see you in that much detail?

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  14. I'm with hausfrau - avoid mirrors! Actually, I have a poem about eyebrows which I may post this week in your honour... But anyway how was your gig? Hope it went well.

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  15. hausfrau - your advice is sound. I just wish I was more free of neurosis to follow it.

    brokenbiro - please post the eyebrow poem. Does it have the word 'highbrow' in it? Gig went very well, thanks. Came home on a high, helped along by copious amounts of vinegar on the chips I had on the way back.

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  16. There's nothing more therapeutic than having a good old pluck but don't do it whilst under the influence of alcohol. It's difficult to know when to stop and you could end up with no eyebrows!

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  17. Lucy Corset-Laced-Mannequins - What a FABULOUS name you have! Thanks for the alcohol tip - I'm teetotal anyway but sometimes eat so much chocolate that I sway from side to side with the effect of all that, so I certainly wouldn't want to be plucking then. Thanks for following.

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  18. Don't be terribly concerned over a few strays. The time to panic is when they stampede.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, John, for dropping by. I wrote this post in 2011 .. let's just say since then things have 'progressed' as far as eyebrows are concerned, but not in a good way.

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