Reasons why plucking up courage isn't always easy
What I don't need, is for this to be the day I find out that some of my eyebrow hairs are beginning to grow in different directions. Whereas they always used to lie fairly happily against the rest of the eyebrow as if they knew they belonged, some are now making a bid for freedom and sticking out North, East, South and West, as though looking to go backpacking.
I found this out when I looked at my profile in the mirror. There are at least five hairs in each eyebrow which are at right angles to my face.
I am going on a Google search, to see if I can find an illustration to show you what I mean. What are the odds that I'll find no pictures of any other women in the world with this problem - just pictures of blokes - just to ram the message home that I am a Bizarre Unfortunate.
See. First picture that comes up - a man.
Granted, this does make me feel a little bit better about myself, but big trees begin with little acorns, and this could be my future.
Here's a woman with fairly hairy eyebrows (which are apparently in fashion, so I've been seeing on Google, so maybe all is not lost). However, she has other advantages which seem to balance things out nicely. I have none of these.
Alistair Darling, shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer, has a slightly different problem.
I really want to see what colour his beard is when it comes through.
Will I, like this man below, have to eventually rest my heavy eyebrows on the frames of my glasses to support them?...
I know you'll tell me just to pluck them out, but I'm worried that if I do so they'll just grow back, thicker, stronger and longer, like some kind of zombie attacker that thrives on being cut in half.
Not that I'm feeling negative about this, or anything. Tonight, I think I'll wear a woollen cap which I can pull down right over my forehead, just in case anyone notices, and spends the whole evening wondering why my eyebrow hairs are so desperate to get away from me. Hopefully, the audience won't be feeling the same way.