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Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Reasons why I may take the long route to work tomorrow

So, I was walking to school, trogging along the path in my frumpy middle-aged way, loaded down with a rucksack full of marking, planning and a Very Big Packed Lunch sheaf of report-writing, and feeling as supple and flexible as a recent corpse.  What's more, it was windy, and that all added to my struggle.

And, as I lolloped down the path, who should I see ahead of me, actually ON my path and blocking my way?

Well, imagine two of these.....



.... wearing some of this ....

... only in pink ...

and you'll have an accurate picture of the two size-0 women, hermetically sealed in Lycra, who were doing early morning exercises in the park, bending and stretching themselves into such impossible positions that I actually wondered if they were melting.

Well, I thought, as I approached them.  Any minute now they, as youthful and fit and flexible as they are and I aren't, will move aside and let me pass so that I don't have to change course and struggle up onto the grass verge just to get past them.

But no.  They carried on doing their impressions of elastic bands while I walked past, huffing and puffing under the weight of my sandwiches marking, and trying not to think, as I passed them, that juxtaposition of this kind did me no favours at all when I am walking to work and needing to Feel Good in order to face the day ahead.  Is this, I thought, how hippos feel when walking past the flamingo enclosure?  

I got into school and it all became so much worse.  A caretaker said to me as I walked down the corridor, 'Still windy out there, then?'  'Yes, yes,' I said, conversationally, thinking how nice it was to chat to someone about the weather.  Then I passed a mirror and saw the state of my hair.  

All this, before 8am.  Is it a cruel world, or is it a cruel world?


19 comments:

  1. Next time, let them lighten your load and build muscle at the same time.

    Accidentally drop books from your loosely fastened rucksack and allow them to kindly pick them up, and carry them as you head for school.

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  2. Being the caring, good natured & loving hippo that I am, I say KILL THE FLAMINGOS!!

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  3. Cling Film? So much more descriptive than saran wrap or plastic wrap. We're just starting to watch Top Gear on the BBC and having a great time with it. Was it Winston Churchill who wrote that Brits and Americans are two great peoples separated by the same language? You have some wonderful imagery here.--..."supple and flexible as a recent corpse..."

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  4. So much funny, so little space! And here I was getting all environmentalist at the beginning-"Damned plastic is killing everything!" but then "Oh, it's just tiny, pink, annoying women torturing Fran."

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  5. ah, but juat think- when the fit ladies kness have given out through over use and they're waiting for knee replacement surgery, you'll still be writing lovely little cameo stories to cheer us all up!

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  6. I'm sure stick insects have a tendency to blow away in high winds...

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  7. If they turned sideways and poked out their tongues, would they look like zips?

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  8. This is hilarious! "Is this, I thought, how hippos feel when walking past the flamingo enclosure? " And the comment from your coworker about the wind (your hair) reminded me of a few weeks ago, a store cashier said to me, "Oh, it looks like you've had a long day!" I was so shocked. Because I hadn't really had a long day. I was fine. Had a pretty good day going, in fact. Made me wonder what I looked like when I WAS having a long day. Oy.

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  9. hmmm....it is cruel world and you are not the only victim....believe me...

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  10. Hippos and flamingos? Eina (=ouch to you)!

    Curiouser and curiouser, something is hiding the names of your commenters. The avatar is there, and if you mouseover where the name SHOULD be, there is a hidden link to the blogger profile. BTW it is not just your blog, the commenter name eating monster is getting around.

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  11. El E hmmmph! I rest my case in pieces.

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  12. it is a cruel world... but you make it sound so funny that it helps me believe days like these can easily be tossed out the window.

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  13. Big hair is SO this season

    Anna May x

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  14. I'm with fishducky. i was never a big fan of flamingos.

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  15. Oh, Fran. You are not alone.
    Hilarious.
    The hippo/ flamingo line will stay with me forever.

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  16. Yes, but can they use the apostrophe correctly? Those tricky ones like "it's / its" or "people's"? Ask yourself this. Now you feel better, don't you?

    Oh. You don't.

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  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  18. Sorry, made a really stupid mistake (I think) in the comment I've just removed. Here's what I really wanted to say:

    LOL
    It is a cruel world. Which is why I bought one of those 'wise words tiles' that says: slim people just are too stupid to eat good food and put it up on the wall of the downstairs toilet. Next to the You can't have everything. Besides, where would you keep it all. An enlightening room, our downstairs loo ;-)

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  19. Hey, this is weird. I wanted to put the text on the tiles in italics, but for some reason it didn't work and now it has become a really confusing comment. Sorry ;-)

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