Sender: safiaf arkashaal baraasi
Message: PLEASE DO CAREFULLY READ MY MAIL
Do you know what, safiaf? I don't think I will CAREFULLY READ your MAIL. For these reasons.
1. There are no capital letters on your names. If you don't think you're important enough for capitals, I don't see why I should have a sense of urgency about getting to know you either. Or maybe you don't actually know that you need capitals. In which case, I'm unlikely to give your MAIL much credence either. Or maybe you were in so much of a hurry to con me that you forgot the capitals altogether. Bad move. If intending to con, do so at a measured pace. No one believes a rusher.
2. You are worryingly inconsistent. No capitals on the names. Then a shouty message, all in capitals. If there's one thing I hate, safiaf, it's inconsistency. You see, if I were going to READ your MAIL and acquiesce to your demands, whatever they be, I would want to know that I was acquiescing to someone who was as solid, reliable and consistent as a healthy stool sample. So you've shot yourself in the foot there, sunshine.
3. Your PLEASE DO CAREFULLY READ MY MAIL reminds me of the patronising woman on the SouthWest Trains tannoy who says, 'Please DO remember to take all your luggage with you' as though all passengers were imbeciles who left their bags behind on a whim just to see how it felt. Also, to say DO and then to say CAREFULLY makes me suspicious. You really, really, really want me to read your email, don't you, but the more you try to persuade me using suspect grammatical constructions, the more likely I am to really, really, really press delete and go and put the kettle on.
4. You have ended up in my junk mail. This, safiaf, is a really bad sign. Even my computer, which is inanimate, does not trust you. I trust my computer, which has no name at all, more than I trust you, who does just have a name, but has a list of 'a' vowel sounds so long I don't believe you. I've not made that many 'a' sounds since I was last at the doctor's and he wanted to look at my throat.
Bog off, safiaf arkashaal baraasi. Consider yourself deleted.
|safiaf wasn't so easily put off|