You see, the husband is a veg man. In fact, if given the chance, he will have Green Veg with everything.
Me: 'Fancy a fishfinger sandwich?'
Him: 'Yeah, lovely. There's some broccoli to use up in the fridge. Shall we have that with it?'
Me: 'Yeah, why not? I swear I heard Jamie Oliver say on telly the other day that broccoli is the new tomato ketchup. Whoop-de-doo!'
We are always having arguments about which vegetables go with what. I swear you can't eat brussels sprouts with white fish, but he'll happily pile them on the side of a nice piece of grilled plaice, and if there's some leftover cabbage available, all the better. This is when I start my 'Normal People Wouldn't do That' lecture, which is the same lecture I use for some of his other idiosyncrasies such as carrying two 9 packs of toilet rolls home from the shops on his bicycle handlebars (oh, the shame) and holding biscuits covertly in the palm of his hand while he's eating them as though he's scared someone else will come and steal them.
Anyway, it's such a relief when he's away not to be pressurised into eating curly kale with my baked beans on toast. So I just indulge, like a pig in muck, in egg and chips. He would say, if he were here, that I should 'at least have some peas with those egg and chips'. Well, stuff that, for a game of soldiers. I don't need veggies; I've got a life to live.
[Turn away from the screen, dear reader, if you are easily disturbed. The next few sentences contain scenes of a shocking nature.] I have a routine. It goes like this. The first night he's away, I have egg and chips. The second night, egg and chips. The third night, egg and chips.
I know. I know. And you thought 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' was distressing.
I have just thought of an idea. I am now going to see how many literary text titles I can mangle into a chips theme. I am going Googling.
Right, here we go.
The Count of Monte Chippo
The Thirty-Nine Chips
Chips Fall Apart
A Tale of Two Chippies
The Lion, the Chips and the Wardrobe
To Chip a Mockingbird
Charlie and the Chip Factory
The Way we Chip Now
You know, I really think I could just carry this on and on, but because I want to keep a few followers for the future, I won't. Anyway, I have shocked myself by realising how easily I can be entertained by searching the internet for book titles which remind me of the sounds in the word 'chip'.
Oh well, it's Friday night. A woman has to let her hair down somehow. And, anyway, I have eaten so many chips that, despite having twice tried to rise from this chair where I am typing on my laptop, I have failed. So this is as exciting as my evening is going to get.
Feel free to chip in with a comment. HAR HAR HAR.
|When Fran's husband asked her what type of cake she would like for her next birthday,|
her answer wasn't quite what he had expected. Still, he felt she'd over-reacted
when he'd suggested getting some green beans iced on around the edge