Things you don't expect to find when digging up your dinner
I have my own ring story. Our family was at a big Christian festival once, the kind where thousands of people bring tents and camp together and then have to spend the week trying not to argue with their spouses because everyone can hear you being not-very-Christian.
My husband was working as a milkman at the time. Why is this relevant? You'll see.
Towards the end of the week-long festival, my husband lost his wedding ring, having left it in the gents' facilities when he went to have a wash. He came back to the tent and I asked him where his ring was, which was when he realised what he'd done. I considered having a tantrum about it and calling him a few names, but I couldn't risk everyone hearing. Instead, I said, very loudly, 'DON'T WORRY, DARLING HONEYBUN SUGARPIE, I'M SURE IT WILL BE FINE - I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, WHAT'S A LITTLE LOST GOLD BETWEEN US, MY SWEET, MY LOVE, MY ANGEL?'
We went along to Lost Property and were sure there'd be a person at the desk who would say, 'Hey, Sharon, where's that wedding ring that was handed in this morning?' and there would be his ring and it would all be sorted.
In fact, the person at the desk picked up a plastic box in which there had to be at least 30 men's wedding rings, shook it about a bit and said, 'Good luck!' Apparently men's wedding rings were one of the most common things to be given in. All I could think about were all those poor Christian wives who were having to call their husbands 'Honeybun' for the first time ever.
We didn't need luck to find his ring, though, and this is where the milkman thing comes in. He'd been working as one for 5 years. Why would this make a difference? It's because years of carrying 4 or 5 full bottles of milk between his fingers had built up the muscles so much that his fingers had actually changed shape. The ring, accordingly, had done the same and was now more oval than circular. So we knew instantly which was his ring. It was the only one which looked like it belonged to an alien. All the others were perfectly round.
Round ... and still lost. I wonder how long those other wives kept up the Honeybun thing.
|He thought she was getting up close and personal, but she just wanted to hiss|
'Pick up your socks, you DORK' without anyone hearing