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Saturday, 17 March 2012

Evidence that rugby isn't one of Fran's specialist subjects

I'm watching rugby on the TV (England v Ireland) and, to be honest, I may as well be watching a Swedish film without subtitles for all I understand about what's going on.  Here are some things I have learned, however.

1. If someone leaps on someone from your team, leap on them too, in a male body equivalent of one-potato-two-potato-three-potato-four.  It's a fun game.

2. The more you resemble a double garage on two legs, the more use you are in a scrum.

3. Watching rugby on TV means that, when they kick the ball towards the goal (is it called a goal?) you, the viewer, are going 'did it go through?  did it?  did it?' because you can never tell from the angle

4. There are two opportunities for men without necks to be on TV.  One is as a player in a rugby game and the other is on 'Embarrassing Bodies'.

5. Only other people the size of a small island can withstand being launched into head-first by someone else the size of a small island.  Anyone else would die.

6. There are only two types of people in the world with thighs quite that big: a) rugby players; b) people who appear on 'The Fattest People in the World' programmes.  Neither, given natural laws, ought to be able to achieve forward motion.  But the rugby players manage it.

7. The TV studio that the pundits are in is either very small, or it just looks like that because the men in it each weigh 92 stone.  It's a wonder there's any oxygen left in there for them to have breath left for punding.

8. Calling what they score a 'try' seems weird when they managed it perfectly well.

Anyway, I'm only watching it to avoid doing marking as an alternative to other procrastination activities I have engaged in before.  These activities have included:

1. ironing a multi-pack of creased post-it notes
2. mowing the lawn with nail scissors
3. cleaning the grouting between the bathroom tiles with an inter-dental brush

England won over Ireland anyway.  Which I'm really pleased about, but don't ask me how they did it.

One thing Fran couldn't understand was why they didn't use a proper ball which
would make it all so much easier

16 comments:

  1. Nice blog. As an English teacher, if you aren't already into cryptic crosswords you might like to have a peek at a series of posts I have been doing on how to solve them. They are just fantastic for clever word play. This is a link to the first post. There is now a new clue each day to solve. Enjoy. http://caroleschatter.blogspot.co.nz/2012/01/cryptic-crosswords-solving-hints-1.html

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    1. Thanks. Will come and have a look ...

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  2. I seem to remember that Rugby players, and their spectators, sing some rousing rugby songs. "I upped and I showed her my Threshing Machine" is the chorus to one, I recall. Is that the same one with the line "I 'ad 'er, I 'ad 'er, I 'ad 'er aye ayyy!" Look at the punctuation fun you can 'ave with rugby?

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    1. I remember going to a school football match when I worked at a boys' private school. The worst chant they could come up with was 'We beat you at chess'! It did make me giggle.

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  3. We don't have rugby here, across the pond, which now seems just as well...........

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    1. I guess that means all your men have normal necks and thighs, which is something to be grateful for.

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  4. I don't understand football so there's no way I could follow rugby.

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    1. Every time someone explains the offside rule I think I understand it. Until about a minute later.

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  5. You didn't watch Wales? I have my head in my hands. If you want to watch rugby for procrastination purposes, for heaven's sake, watch Wales. I can offer you another observation: rugby players have specially masculine noses. Can you imagine Leonardo di Caprio playing rugby or Brad Pitt? I rest my case.

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    1. Rugby is rugby, surely? What would be the difference watching Wales or watching Scotland/Ireland/England?...

      What? Have I said something wrong?

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  6. As an irish woman i was devestated by irelands defeat today,why were you so pleased???????????

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    1. I did like the Irish pundit's accent though. Amazing accent.

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  7. I find if I think of rugby as a cimpletely non-ironic homosexual ballet it suddenly becomes a whole lot more entertaining to watch.

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  8. Thanks to the war , 1950's Rugger players in Glasgow were normal-sized , just like everyone else , knobbly knees and all . Every match was played in impenetrable mist and watched by men in dripping tweed coats and matching scarves . And every match took three days to finish ( oh , all right then , a couple of hours .)
    The best bits were the tram rides and the gobstoppers .
    Why did you think that it was going to be any better played by elephants in Lycra ?

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    1. You win the Funny Comment of the Day award.

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