Evidence that if one WANTS to get married in a supermarket, one should be able to

I've been talking to two people today about how to do weddings on the cheap if you don't want to/can't get married in church.  One was saying how she'd like to get married at a big country house, or another posh venue like that, and we were bemoaning the fact that it would cost a bomb.

'I wonder if Asda would hire out their premises for weddings,' I said.   'Or Tesco.   After all, they too have aisles.'



It inspired this little poem.  Actually, as I write, there isn't a poem yet.  I'm making it up here and now.  So, let's just say, it may not be Wordsworthian in quality, like all my others ........................ aren't either.

The pickle aisle bride

I got married in the pickle aisle.
I swept past the Branston as a bride
People said it would be silly
Married near the piccalilli
With jars of pickled onions by my side.

But I got married in the pickle aisle
And the groom, he looked good enough to eat
Said he wanted nothing but me
And an aisle full of chutney
Because both of us were really really sweet.

Why NOT get married in the pickle aisle?
Who needs wedding bells and flowers?
We got loads of compliments
As we Wedding Marched past condiments.
Now we're relishing the future that is ours.



Here comes the bride, pickles either side

Right.  Now having produced a high-level intellectual piece of poetic brilliance, I'll go off and read up on John Donne ready for going back to school tomorrow.

STOP PRESS: You can watch me performing the extended, final version of this poem on Youtube here

Comments

  1. Martin Lower15/4/12 09:02

    Wonderful!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:44

      Not quite, but thanks anyway! I enjoy writing such guff.

      Delete
  2. Steve15/4/12 09:21

    Love and marriage... goes together like horse and radish.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Martin15/4/12 09:59

    I appreciate that this was written 'on the hoof', Fran. A sort of gherkin progress?

    ReplyDelete
  4. ted and bunny15/4/12 10:10

    would you get extra points or ££s off petrol?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:46

      ... and a supermarket trolley if you can't afford a car ...

      Delete
  5. pembrokeshire lass15/4/12 10:14

    Well...why not!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. fishducky15/4/12 10:28

    "Now we're relishing the future that is ours."
    ABSOLUTELY CLASSIC!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Christine H.15/4/12 11:22

    I love that poem! It's a masterpiece.

    We looked at getting married on the aerial tram here in Portland. We also checked out various gardens, Chinese, Japanese etc. Every one wanted buckets of money even if there were no guests. Finally we went to the rose garden with our African-American female judge and two gay male witnesses and called it a day. Now i kinda wish we'd gone for the pickle aisle instead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:48

      I think yours sounds quite different anyway!

      Delete
  8. Frances15/4/12 11:27

    Brilliant poem Fran.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:48

      Thanks, Frances. Glad you liked it.

      Delete
  9. stephen Hayes15/4/12 11:34

    I love, "...relishing the future that is ours." I wonder if anyone ever has gotten married in a grocery store.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Janie Junebug15/4/12 12:25

    That's hilarious. I'm going to follow you. If you would like to follow me (my blog is private), please email me at dumpedfirstwife@gmail.com. I'll send you an invitation.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug

    ReplyDelete
  11. SmitoniusAndSonata15/4/12 13:22

    Why didn't anyone suggest this to William and Kate ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:49

      Especially as I'm sure lots of those pickles have the Queen's royal seal of approval, or whatever it's called.

      Delete
  12. The Merry15/4/12 13:31

    In Portland, there's a huge bookstore called Powell's. It takes up an entire city block and consists of many different rooms on different floors, connected by stairs. One day, I was browsing there when a voice came over the loudspeaker with a request: if there was a minister or wedding official in the store, could they please come to the Gold room?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:49

      Ooh, mystery! would love to get married in a bookstore. That sounds brilliant.

      Delete
  13. hausfrau16/4/12 00:36

    Much more fun than John Donne!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:50

      Ooh, I don't know. Have you read 'To his Mistress Going to Bed' or 'The Flea'. Brilliant fun.

      Delete
  14. Friko16/4/12 01:40

    The idea is brilliant, perhaps the 'poem' needs a little work?

    Actually, you could enlarge on this for ever, there might be rhymes to be had in seafoods, cleaning and bogroll, or even wines and spirits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:51

      You're such a damn purist. I will work on the poem just because you said. And also because I might use it for a performance. And I like your ideas - I got married in the seafood aisle ... now I'm divorced ... but there's plenty more fish in the sea ... har har

      Delete
  15. Anonymous16/4/12 06:06

    My friend Fishducky sent me your link. So glad she did. This was a hoot! Way to go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:52

      Thanks, Crazy (can I call you that for short?). Great to have you over. Ah, Fishducky. One of my favourite funny ladies.

      Delete
  16. Debbie Coope16/4/12 07:15

    Fran, that was great. More poems please.

    BTW, I'm halfway through your book, and indeed, I am 'aving a larf.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:52

      Wahey! You're reading my book!

      Delete
    2. Debbie Coope19/4/12 15:21

      I finished your book a few days ago and I really enjoyed it. I've not read a humorous book in ages, so it was great to laugh out loud.

      Do you really do that in the exam hall?

      Have any of your pupils read your book?

      Delete
    3. Fran Hill19/4/12 15:31

      I'm really glad you liked it. Pleeeeeease post a review on Amazon for me, so I can reach the grand total of 4 reviews. They make a difference.
      As for the exam hall, I'm saying nothing ...
      As for whether they've read my book, I know one has. Fortunately, they're not the pupils I was writing about ...
      otherwise, I'd be writing another book right now, called 'Being MissGuided - and Unemployed'

      Delete
    4. Debbie Coope20/4/12 14:30

      You now have 4 reviews. :)

      Delete
    5. Fran Hill20/4/12 14:34

      You now have a big virtual hug. That's a lovely review. Thank you so much.

      Delete
  17. fishducky16/4/12 09:32

    Because of your poem, I sent a link to your post to Janie Junebug & Craziness Abounds, among others. Two more followers for your funny stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill16/4/12 11:52

      I am indebted to you. Send me an invoice!

      Delete
  18. Frances Garrood17/4/12 02:33

    Loved it! Brilliant idea, too. But mine would have to be Waitrose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill17/4/12 14:16

      Ooh, now there's posh for a wedding. Forget Hampton Court!

      Delete
  19. Talli Roland17/4/12 04:09

    I'd love to get married in the bakery section. Imagine, all those wonderful smells floating around. Yum yum!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Diane Laney Fitzpatrick18/4/12 04:03

    Had to share this with my niece, who is planning her wedding. I love your poetry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill18/4/12 14:11

      Do you think your niece will replan her arrangements as a result? How exciting!

      Delete
  21. BadPenny18/4/12 09:27

    oh my niece is planning he wedding too..
    I think this should be set to music by Victoria Wood or recited by Pam Ayres.
    Guests could put their wedding presents on the conveyor belt !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill18/4/12 14:13

      Pff. Who needs Victoria Wood and Pam Ayres? I shall get my guitar out and write a tune for it RIGHT NOW. Love the conveyor belt idea.

      Delete
  22. Alan Burnett19/4/12 07:21

    Lovely verse. Romance isn't dead. But you should remember that, whichever isle you get married in, you still have to pass through the check-out. Now, if you want deep, that's deep!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill19/4/12 12:33

      You're wrong, Alan. In this poem, I think romance is certainly dead.

      Delete
  23. broken biro19/4/12 08:18

    You and your capers! I'd be too embarrassed to get married in Tesco - my face would go beetroot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill19/4/12 12:35

      Ha ha! I want to think of a riposte, but I'm too shattered, and I'm meant to be writing reports anyway .... You win.

      Delete
  24. Sarah Hill19/4/12 09:41

    All you lot what read my Mum's blog... buy her book, and then maybe I'll be able to afford to get married in that big country house and NOT the pickle ailse. Ta. Love, Fran's Daughter xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill19/4/12 12:36

      All you lot what read my Mum's blog?..... Do you realise I have a reputation to keep up here? Or .. maybe I don't, thinking about it ...

      Delete

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