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Sunday, 15 April 2012

Evidence that if one WANTS to get married in a supermarket, one should be able to

I've been talking to two people today about how to do weddings on the cheap if you don't want to/can't get married in church.  One was saying how she'd like to get married at a big country house, or another posh venue like that, and we were bemoaning the fact that it would cost a bomb.

'I wonder if Asda would hire out their premises for weddings,' I said.   'Or Tesco.   After all, they too have aisles.'



It inspired this little poem.  Actually, as I write, there isn't a poem yet.  I'm making it up here and now.  So, let's just say, it may not be Wordsworthian in quality, like all my others ........................ aren't either.

The pickle aisle bride

I got married in the pickle aisle.
I swept past the Branston as a bride
People said it would be silly
Married near the piccalilli
With jars of pickled onions by my side.

But I got married in the pickle aisle
And the groom, he looked good enough to eat
Said he wanted nothing but me
And an aisle full of chutney
Because both of us were really really sweet.

Why NOT get married in the pickle aisle?
Who needs wedding bells and flowers?
We got loads of compliments
As we Wedding Marched past condiments.
Now we're relishing the future that is ours.



Here comes the bride, pickles either side

Right.  Now having produced a high-level intellectual piece of poetic brilliance, I'll go off and read up on John Donne ready for going back to school tomorrow.

STOP PRESS: You can watch me performing the extended, final version of this poem on Youtube here

52 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Not quite, but thanks anyway! I enjoy writing such guff.

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  2. Love and marriage... goes together like horse and radish.

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  3. I appreciate that this was written 'on the hoof', Fran. A sort of gherkin progress?

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  4. would you get extra points or ££s off petrol?

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    Replies
    1. ... and a supermarket trolley if you can't afford a car ...

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  5. "Now we're relishing the future that is ours."
    ABSOLUTELY CLASSIC!!!

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    1. That line seems to be popular!

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  6. I love that poem! It's a masterpiece.

    We looked at getting married on the aerial tram here in Portland. We also checked out various gardens, Chinese, Japanese etc. Every one wanted buckets of money even if there were no guests. Finally we went to the rose garden with our African-American female judge and two gay male witnesses and called it a day. Now i kinda wish we'd gone for the pickle aisle instead.

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    1. I think yours sounds quite different anyway!

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  7. Replies
    1. Thanks, Frances. Glad you liked it.

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  8. I love, "...relishing the future that is ours." I wonder if anyone ever has gotten married in a grocery store.

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    Replies
    1. Someone's BOUND to have done it.

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  9. That's hilarious. I'm going to follow you. If you would like to follow me (my blog is private), please email me at dumpedfirstwife@gmail.com. I'll send you an invitation.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug

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    1. Thanks, Janie. Have emailed you.

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  10. Why didn't anyone suggest this to William and Kate ?

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    Replies
    1. Especially as I'm sure lots of those pickles have the Queen's royal seal of approval, or whatever it's called.

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  11. In Portland, there's a huge bookstore called Powell's. It takes up an entire city block and consists of many different rooms on different floors, connected by stairs. One day, I was browsing there when a voice came over the loudspeaker with a request: if there was a minister or wedding official in the store, could they please come to the Gold room?

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    1. Ooh, mystery! would love to get married in a bookstore. That sounds brilliant.

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  12. Much more fun than John Donne!

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    1. Ooh, I don't know. Have you read 'To his Mistress Going to Bed' or 'The Flea'. Brilliant fun.

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  13. The idea is brilliant, perhaps the 'poem' needs a little work?

    Actually, you could enlarge on this for ever, there might be rhymes to be had in seafoods, cleaning and bogroll, or even wines and spirits.

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    1. You're such a damn purist. I will work on the poem just because you said. And also because I might use it for a performance. And I like your ideas - I got married in the seafood aisle ... now I'm divorced ... but there's plenty more fish in the sea ... har har

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  14. My friend Fishducky sent me your link. So glad she did. This was a hoot! Way to go.

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    1. Thanks, Crazy (can I call you that for short?). Great to have you over. Ah, Fishducky. One of my favourite funny ladies.

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  15. Fran, that was great. More poems please.

    BTW, I'm halfway through your book, and indeed, I am 'aving a larf.

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    1. Wahey! You're reading my book!

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    2. I finished your book a few days ago and I really enjoyed it. I've not read a humorous book in ages, so it was great to laugh out loud.

      Do you really do that in the exam hall?

      Have any of your pupils read your book?

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    3. I'm really glad you liked it. Pleeeeeease post a review on Amazon for me, so I can reach the grand total of 4 reviews. They make a difference.
      As for the exam hall, I'm saying nothing ...
      As for whether they've read my book, I know one has. Fortunately, they're not the pupils I was writing about ...
      otherwise, I'd be writing another book right now, called 'Being MissGuided - and Unemployed'

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    4. You now have 4 reviews. :)

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    5. You now have a big virtual hug. That's a lovely review. Thank you so much.

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  16. Because of your poem, I sent a link to your post to Janie Junebug & Craziness Abounds, among others. Two more followers for your funny stuff!

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    1. I am indebted to you. Send me an invoice!

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  17. Loved it! Brilliant idea, too. But mine would have to be Waitrose.

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    1. Ooh, now there's posh for a wedding. Forget Hampton Court!

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  18. I'd love to get married in the bakery section. Imagine, all those wonderful smells floating around. Yum yum!

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    Replies
    1. With this bagel I thee wed ...

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  19. Had to share this with my niece, who is planning her wedding. I love your poetry.

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    1. Do you think your niece will replan her arrangements as a result? How exciting!

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  20. oh my niece is planning he wedding too..
    I think this should be set to music by Victoria Wood or recited by Pam Ayres.
    Guests could put their wedding presents on the conveyor belt !

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    1. Pff. Who needs Victoria Wood and Pam Ayres? I shall get my guitar out and write a tune for it RIGHT NOW. Love the conveyor belt idea.

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  21. Lovely verse. Romance isn't dead. But you should remember that, whichever isle you get married in, you still have to pass through the check-out. Now, if you want deep, that's deep!

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    Replies
    1. You're wrong, Alan. In this poem, I think romance is certainly dead.

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  22. You and your capers! I'd be too embarrassed to get married in Tesco - my face would go beetroot!

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha! I want to think of a riposte, but I'm too shattered, and I'm meant to be writing reports anyway .... You win.

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  23. All you lot what read my Mum's blog... buy her book, and then maybe I'll be able to afford to get married in that big country house and NOT the pickle ailse. Ta. Love, Fran's Daughter xxx

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    1. All you lot what read my Mum's blog?..... Do you realise I have a reputation to keep up here? Or .. maybe I don't, thinking about it ...

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