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Sunday, 5 August 2012

Evidence that classic titles without their main characters could still be good entertainment

What would some classic books have been like had the writers got a bit fed up of the main characters and just edited them out?  To be honest, I quite like the sound of some of these plot lines.



In 1930s America, mice and rabbits get on with their lives in peace.

Voldemort wears a puzzled expression.

Boat for sale, suitable for three or more men, and dog (optional), unused.

Sancho Panza finds himself the unexpected star of various adventures.

Various corpses get to keep their body parts.

Rochester stares moodily into the fire a lot more.

Ishmael ends up fishing for skipjack tuna.

In the absence of a crazed doctor to use them for transformational purposes, someone uses the salts for their chips.

A rye field lies undisturbed.

A late 19th century portrait painter, without a cocky young rake to paint, embarks on a still life of some fruit.

Women in Whitby find other uses for garlic.

Various horses find their own way to Canterbury, un-entertained by lewd stories.

Max de Winter's second wife can wear what she likes at parties without censure.

A lion and a wardrobe do their best to create narrative tension between them.

Doctor Watson doles out remedies for the common cold and knee injuries.

A class of 1930s Edinburgh schoolgirls get a cover teacher and do worksheets on semi-colons.



Have you heard, darling?  Shakespeare wants to ditch us and call his play 'And?'




9 comments:

  1. Leo goes to stay with his friend in the summer of 1900 and keeps well out of the way of the friend's big sister and her farmer lover.

    While Paul in Nottingham heeds what his mum says and decides on a life of celibacy.

    And, asked by a chap who gives parties to invite Cousin Daisy to one of these, Nick says no because he feels it would lead to trouble.

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  2. Actually, that's not the brief, is it? Try again.

    Leo is asked to go and stay with his friend but declines, so big sister takes up embroidery.

    Paul enters a monastery at the beginning of the book, leaving the girl he fancies to make friends with his sister.

    Gatsby never happens to meet Nick and giving up on his parties, becomes a used car salesman.

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  3. Oh my school days would have been vastly improved by that undisturbed rye field. Not to mention the improvement to university that would have been occasioned by the removal of a lighthouse in favour of a modern buoy with solar panels.

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  4. Alan and Dorothy Milne's son , Christopher Reginald , never outgrew his childhood obsession with Meccano . His father's book "The Nuts And Bolts In Hundred Acre's Wood " failed to capture the wider public's imagination but his contribution to the clarity of construction toy literature is acknowledged by devotees to this day . The family name became a byword in the building trade thanks to the post-war popularity of Milne's Eezee-Open garage doors .

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  5. I bet Hamlet's mum would be a lot happier too...

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  6. God decided not to bother after all, and sat peacefully enjoying all that Space.

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  7. These are all brilliant ideas. Keep them coming. I love playing these games.

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  8. King Lear has died and his daughters amicably divide up the kingdom. Cordelia is a bit annoying but her sisters don't let it bother them.

    The childless Montagues and Capulets frown at each other from behind their net curtains.

    A farm doesn't have any animals on it because it specialises in wheat. The wheat sways gently in the breeze.

    A clock strikes thirteen in Tom's aunt's house but no one hears it. So maybe it didn't.

    In Dublin, things are normal as Leopold Bloom sleeps off the effects of the previous day's excitement.

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    Replies
    1. You are on a roll! I love these.

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