Evidence that classic titles without their main characters could still be good entertainment

What would some classic books have been like had the writers got a bit fed up of the main characters and just edited them out?  To be honest, I quite like the sound of some of these plot lines.



In 1930s America, mice and rabbits get on with their lives in peace.

Voldemort wears a puzzled expression.

Boat for sale, suitable for three or more men, and dog (optional), unused.

Sancho Panza finds himself the unexpected star of various adventures.

Various corpses get to keep their body parts.

Rochester stares moodily into the fire a lot more.

Ishmael ends up fishing for skipjack tuna.

In the absence of a crazed doctor to use them for transformational purposes, someone uses the salts for their chips.

A rye field lies undisturbed.

A late 19th century portrait painter, without a cocky young rake to paint, embarks on a still life of some fruit.

Women in Whitby find other uses for garlic.

Various horses find their own way to Canterbury, un-entertained by lewd stories.

Max de Winter's second wife can wear what she likes at parties without censure.

A lion and a wardrobe do their best to create narrative tension between them.

Doctor Watson doles out remedies for the common cold and knee injuries.

A class of 1930s Edinburgh schoolgirls get a cover teacher and do worksheets on semi-colons.



Have you heard, darling?  Shakespeare wants to ditch us and call his play 'And?'




Comments

  1. Pam 5/8/12 15:57

    Leo goes to stay with his friend in the summer of 1900 and keeps well out of the way of the friend's big sister and her farmer lover.

    While Paul in Nottingham heeds what his mum says and decides on a life of celibacy.

    And, asked by a chap who gives parties to invite Cousin Daisy to one of these, Nick says no because he feels it would lead to trouble.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pam 5/8/12 16:01

    Actually, that's not the brief, is it? Try again.

    Leo is asked to go and stay with his friend but declines, so big sister takes up embroidery.

    Paul enters a monastery at the beginning of the book, leaving the girl he fancies to make friends with his sister.

    Gatsby never happens to meet Nick and giving up on his parties, becomes a used car salesman.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Charlotte5/8/12 23:19

    Oh my school days would have been vastly improved by that undisturbed rye field. Not to mention the improvement to university that would have been occasioned by the removal of a lighthouse in favour of a modern buoy with solar panels.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SmitoniusAndSonata5/8/12 23:52

    Alan and Dorothy Milne's son , Christopher Reginald , never outgrew his childhood obsession with Meccano . His father's book "The Nuts And Bolts In Hundred Acre's Wood " failed to capture the wider public's imagination but his contribution to the clarity of construction toy literature is acknowledged by devotees to this day . The family name became a byword in the building trade thanks to the post-war popularity of Milne's Eezee-Open garage doors .

    ReplyDelete
  5. Steve6/8/12 00:02

    I bet Hamlet's mum would be a lot happier too...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Frances Garrood6/8/12 09:40

    God decided not to bother after all, and sat peacefully enjoying all that Space.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Fran Hill6/8/12 10:20

    These are all brilliant ideas. Keep them coming. I love playing these games.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Pam 7/8/12 05:46

    King Lear has died and his daughters amicably divide up the kingdom. Cordelia is a bit annoying but her sisters don't let it bother them.

    The childless Montagues and Capulets frown at each other from behind their net curtains.

    A farm doesn't have any animals on it because it specialises in wheat. The wheat sways gently in the breeze.

    A clock strikes thirteen in Tom's aunt's house but no one hears it. So maybe it didn't.

    In Dublin, things are normal as Leopold Bloom sleeps off the effects of the previous day's excitement.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reasons why Fran is desperately in search of earbuds

Image
My try-to-get-fitter walk in the fields today was a silent one. I usually listen to the radio through earphones but have lost one of the soft earbuds and nothing spoils a walk more than having hard plastic nudging up against your fragile tympanic membrane. The BBC's  'Woman's Hour' is a brilliant programme but loyalty has limits.  It was disconcerting, walking in silence. Listening to radio distracts from the disturbing reality that my legs are propelling me in forward motion because, if I think too hard about this, I frighten myself.  Today, while walking, I had to listen to my own thoughts.  And now I've listened to my own thoughts, I remember why I like radio better. The inside of my head is like a wastepaper basket.   Be grateful that I only offer you a brief excerpt.  Oh, look, that bird is - / Where did I put that mark scheme. I'll need it for - / My shoes are getting muddier./ Maybe mash with the fish tonight / really muddy / The trees are defin...
Read more

More evidence that the wrong consonant makes all the difference to a famous book title

Image
More typo-lit, one of my favourite genres: To Kilt a Mockingbird - a tale set in the Southern States of America in which a young family move into the area from Aberdeen.  The children are found dressing the local wildlife in tartan and have to be taught that clothing innocent victims in bright material is not acceptable.  The little girl (Scot) says, 'Shoot, Pa, that's the darndest thing I ever did hear!' and there is surprise all round at her adoption of the local dialect in such a short time. To Kiln a Mockingbird - a tale set in the Southern States of America in which a wise father teaches his children that to put an innocent bird into a red-hot oven, converting it into an attractive china piece for the kitchen, was bound to upset Aunt Alexandra when given as a birthday present, and if this was indeed their intention, they deserved a whipping.   They don't get the whipping; the father can't stand Aunt Alexandra either. To Bill a Mockingbird - a tale set ...
Read more

Reasons why Fran can get a 90,000 word novel down to a haiku if she's paid enough

Image
My first published story was in ‘Your Cat’ magazine.  (Don’t laugh … we all have to start somewhere.)  I sent the editor a 1500-word story.  She said she liked it (great!) and would publish it (fantastic!) but that I should cut it by a third and tighten up my style.  Ah.  Not so good. I loved every word of that story.  I gave birth to each one in pain and suffering, so there was NO WAY, absolutely NO WAY I was going to cut or change them.  I was determined.  I would stick to my guns.  She could forget it.  My mind was made up. Then she said she’d pay me £200 if I did the alterations.  I wavered for a whole nano-second.  U-turn Queen, that’s me, when it comes to hard cash. The editing of that heart-warming story about a couple who rediscover their love when their cat has a crisis (it was a real sick-bucket saga) taught me loads.  I hated making the changes.  I felt like a murderer, slashing and s...
Read more