Evidence that Fran is yet again in the mood for profundity and consideration of the real meaning of life

I quite fancy writing about custard.  I've just had some apple pie and custard, so it's on my mind.  (To be frank, I don't actually need to be eating custard for it to be on my mind.)

So.  Some intellectual, deep and profound thoughts things about custard.

1. I once knew someone who used to like her custard really thick.  We went round for dinner once and, again, she served up the kind of custard you have to slice.  It's all a bit awkward, that kind of thing, isn't it? What do you say?  She says something like, 'Hope the custard's not too thick' and you have to be polite and try NOT to say, 'No, it's fine.  I love my custard the consistency of ready-mix concrete.  It's the only way.' or 'Thick?  You think THIS is thick?  Don't you remember the cheese sauce you gave us LAST time?' or 'Of COURSE it's not too thick.  Oops!  What's that in my bowl?  My DENtures?'

2. I may have said before that my career as a poet was launched in the dining hall at my Junior School, where I used to get extra pudding (usually another bowl of custard) by making up limericks about the dinner ladies.  These days, they'd probably be arrested under the Encouraging Children Towards Lifetime Obesity Health & Safety Act 1993 Sub-section 42 Clause 9.37, but then, they were very happy to pour gallons of custard into my bowl in return for a few lines of complete tosh like:

There was a nice lady called Trish
Who would put more rice pud in my dish
If I told her a rhyme
During school dinner time
(And she'd secretly not give me fish)

I just made that one up.  As you can tell, my skill as a limerickist has developed by leaps and bounds from Junior School level to .... to .... Junior School level.

3. The thing about school custard is that it used to develop a skin.  I can't really be bothered to look, but I bet there's a Facebook group for people who like the skin on custard, and another one for people who don't.

Oh, come on, Fran.  Go and search on Facebook, you lazy old bag.  Just because you've eaten a plateful of apple pie and custard the width of Lake Victoria doesn't mean you can't click an extra button on your keyboard.

[Back in a tic.]




Here we go.  I knew it.

https://www.facebook.com/custardskin

https://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Hate-It-When-Custard-And-Soup-Get-Skin-/204473339347

The pro-skin facebook page has 9 likes and the anti-skin has 22 likes.  I'm so tempted to click on the anti-skin, but once you do that, you get all kinds of ads for instant desserts and custard-flavoured yoghurts and offers to join the Anti-Custard-Skin Defence League, blah blah blah.  

4. I'd like to finish this thoughtful and inspiring post with a custard-themed picture, so I'm going to look for one.

[Back in a tic.]







Ha ha!  I think this might be the cafe my old friend now runs.





Comments

  1. SmitoniusAndSonata4/12/12 14:40

    A resounding Bleugh! to custard skin , or blancmange in any colour , thick or thin .
    But a baked rice pudding skin ? Now that is a whole different kettle of fish ... or something .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill5/12/12 12:12

      Blancmange! Now you're talking. I LOVE that stuff. Isn't it what Jane Austen would have called a 'shape'? Brilliant. I could eat acres of it. Seriously.

      Delete
  2. Anna May4/12/12 17:39

    When I was a student I went to a fancy dress party and someone arrived with a puffed out cheeks and pursed lips that were smothered in red lipstick. The host asked "What have you come as?" and the guest slapped his cheeks and spurted a mouthful of custard before replying, "A boil".
    That put me right off custard and also, as a veggie, i don't think I should eat anything with a skin.
    Anna May x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill5/12/12 12:13

      You win the prize for Most Disgusting Story of the Day.

      Delete
    2. Diana Studer7/12/12 12:41

      Veggies don't eat skin. But I LIKE custard! Make mine skinless please.

      Delete
  3. Charlotte4/12/12 17:47

    Bleugh! Custard was merely created for the scientific examination of the evidence of elephants in a refrigerator or other cold food storage receptacle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill5/12/12 12:13

      Well,while it's hanging around in the fridge waiting to be stepped in by elephants, I may as well help myself to it ...

      Delete
  4. Janie Junebug4/12/12 18:12

    I don't think I've ever eaten custard. And now I don't think I will ever try it. If it's served at a party, I'll simply say, Thank you, but no. I'm so full from the rest of the delicious concrete you served.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill5/12/12 12:14

      I just can't believe that there are people in the world who haven't eaten custard. Are you for real? Can this be true, Janie? That's like ... that's like ... living without breathing.

      Delete
    2. Janie Junebug5/12/12 16:17

      I do live without breathing. I've been invited to be a display at the Smithsonian Museum of Unnatural History.

      Delete
  5. Martin4/12/12 22:52

    Excellent! Puddings must be staging a comeback (although, for some of us, they never went out of fashion, eh Fran?) because a Facebook friend remarked yesterday, "Had a filling Welsh dessert this evening. Stocky Taffy pudding." I confess, I obliged with a double helping - "I had a dessert that straddled the social divide. It was Stuffy Tacky pudding."

    Alright, I'll get me coat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill5/12/12 12:15

      Were you both drunk? Did you both mean Sticky Toffee? Or am I drunk? *Confused*

      Delete
  6. libby4/12/12 23:21

    I love custard. I don't like thin custard though....so a bit like Goldilocks I want it just right.....although I will eat the 'sliced it's so thick' kind too.....actually I confess I do eat most puddings......sigh........as evidenced by my arse/belly/hips.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill5/12/12 12:16

      Thin custard isn't custard, I agree. Same as thin people aren't people, libby. You and I must hold onto this fact, tightly.

      Delete
  7. Frances Garrood5/12/12 03:10

    Skin on custard is wonderful. Almost as good as skin on rice pudding!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill5/12/12 12:17

      But it goes so THICK. Skin on rice pudding is completely different. It's all crispy sugary cinnamony. (I can tell we are not going to agree on this. You sound almost religious about it.)

      Delete
  8. wide eyed6/12/12 04:22

    I love custard. And custard filled bakery goods like eclairs and vanilla slices. Although vanilla slices at my high school were charmingly called 'snot blocks'. Not sure if that was just a Brisbane thing. But I loved a good snot block from the tuckshop at break time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill6/12/12 13:56

      I think that may just be a Brisbane thing ... anyway, I'm glad I've never heard it here. Vanilla slices are my favourites. Were. Are. Were. Are. Do you see what you've done to me?

      Delete
  9. Steve6/12/12 13:32

    Custard is magic. I once saw a bloke walk across a swimming pool full of custard due to it's weird properties of becoming almost solid when placed under sudden pressure. Like me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill6/12/12 13:58

      I really, really hope you didn't pay money to see this.

      Delete
    2. Steve7/12/12 09:55

      Nope. Got it for free: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN2D5y-AxIY

      Delete
    3. Fran Hill7/12/12 12:51

      That was brilliant! I am going to try this tonight in the bath. Just going to get a few pints of milk .... Everyone should watch this video, peoples.

      Delete
  10. BadPenny7/12/12 04:48

    My mum's custard made for sherry trifle in the 70's for birthdays was divine - warm & a perfect consistency. It soaked into the sponge avoiding that awful layerd look of some trifles (giving thick cold custard & jelly !) Mum's trifles were mushy & Heavenly.

    Now I'm like Meg Ryan's character sally in " When Harry met Sally - Warm apple pie with ice cream if eating out. At home apple crumble with natural yougurt ( to kid myself about the calories ! )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill7/12/12 12:16

      Trifle is one of my favourites. Sherry trifle even better. To be honest, in terms of my food favourites, I'm still stuck in the 1970s.

      Delete
  11. Diane Laney Fitzpatrick7/12/12 05:31

    Here's how un-British I am: I didn't know there was a difference between custard and pudding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill7/12/12 12:16

      In some ways, there isn't. I welcome both with open arms.

      Delete
  12. Craig8/12/12 11:14

    Why does hot custard taste yummy and cold custard taste yuk, whilst cold blancmange is yummy and hot blancmange is yuk?

    In fact why is Blancmange called 'white eat' when it only ever appears flavoured pink or brown but never yellow and why is custard always yellow when it could easily taste pink or brown?

    I'll just stick to jelly. Literally. (that's another thing Americans get confused about). We should declare war on the non-custard and Jelly speaking nations of the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill8/12/12 11:53

      Yes, the 'jelly' thing really puzzles me. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I'm always hearing. Do Americans have jam? What do they call it? (Anyone from across the pond know this?) By the way, I love cold custard, too. Probably even more than I love hot custard. Odd, but true.

      Delete
  13. hausfrau10/12/12 02:16

    I like custard regardless - even school custard as it hid a multitude of dodgy pudding. That's what boarding school does to you! I do remember a mad evening when lunchtime's custard, being served up for supper, was used to experiment upon: how many pieces of cuttlery could be rested upon the skin before it broke.. My brain doesn't recall, but it included industrial size ladles and you couldn't see the custard - until it imploded!
    Creme Brulee reamins my pudding of choice despite only being posh custard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran Hill11/12/12 10:45

      I love the sound of that game! We used to play 'who can stab this piece of chocolate crispie cake so hard that bits of it fly across the school dining room?' Great fun.

      Delete
  14. Fran Hill14/12/12 03:25

    Thanks for that. Much appreciated.

    ReplyDelete

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