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Monday, 31 December 2012

Evidence that some literary characters needed to make different New Year Resolutions



I'm not making any of my own New Year
 Guaranteed-Total and Depressing FailuresResolutions.  Instead, I thought I'd make a list of New Year resolutions which some literary characters should have made ....


Resolutions that would have made these characters' lives easier, and the stories a hell of a lot shorter .....

Red Riding Hood: When taking cakes to grandparents, go the city route.

Pilgrim: Steer clear of Sloughs.

Gulliver: Don't ever lie down in someone else's country.

Dr Frankenstein: Use different materials for my sewing hobby.

Madame Bovary: Read up on how long the effects of arsenic last.

Dr Jekyll: Learn to live with myselfselves

Jude the Obscure: Refuse to be a character in any of Hardy's novels

Holden Caulfield: Revise.

Jay Gatsby: Never let the woman drive.

Piggy: Lose weight before any journey on a plane.

Lennie Small: don't hold on for quite so long.

Mr Bennet: Develop a hearing problem.

Dorian Gray: Just ask them to take a photograph.

Three Men in a Boat: Leave the dog at home.

Mummy Bear: Give them toast.


Evidence that cats have sense when it comes to resolutions ...

27 comments:

  1. I love when you post about your version of literary (especially fairy tale) characters!!

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    1. Thanks, fishducky. It's one of my favourite things.

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  2. Dang! Those are good. I don't think I can top them and it pisses me off because I am one jealous bitch.

    Love,
    Janie

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  3. Bilbo Baggins - Learn to say 'no' to dwarves and give up stealing jewelry

    Happy Nooo Year Fran!

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    1. Yes! He really needed help with the dwarves thing! Happy Nooo Year to you, too!

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  4. Love the Dorian Gray reference. Happy New Year to you.

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    1. Happy New Year to you, too, Stephen. And thanks for your comments this year.

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  5. Just keep on being Fran. Happy New Year!

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    1. I think I can guarantee that one. Thanks, Martin. Happy New Year to you too!

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  6. These are brilliant! I especially love Mummy Bear's resolution. Thanks for starting 2013 with a smile. :-) Happy New Year!

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    1. Poor old Mummy Bear. So maligned.

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  7. I'm a bigger basket kind of gal......happy new year!

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    1. Me, too! And even bigger after stuffing so many sweets and chocolates. I need to take up jogging. Okay, maybe I'll just climb the stairs a couple more times a day ..

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  8. Frodo Baggins: visit a pawn shop and swap it for something nicer.

    Happy New Year!

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    1. Happy New Year, Steve. Have a good one.

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  9. Oh yes! And here are some more:
    Emma: mind your own business.
    Peter Rabbit:do as you're told.
    Anna Karenina: avoid railways. Travel by road.
    Miss Havisham: marriage isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

    Happy new year, Fran!

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    1. Frances, these are great! Why did these characters not realise the solutions to their problems were so simple? Happy New Year!

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  10. Happy New Year to you. I also particularly liked the Dorian Gray ref. having watched the film a few days ago, and am now finally reading the book, having had it in the downstairs loo for years!

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    1. The film was a little over the top, I thought. Let's just say it concentrated on one or two elements of the story just a bit too much ... But the book is FABulous. I love it.

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    2. I shall look forward to the book then..when I eventually get to bed early enough to actually do some reading!

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  11. Mole : Shun amphibians wearing motoring goggles .
    Rat : Don't encourage needy moles or amphibians wearing motoring goggles .
    Badger : Join a monastery .

    Happy New Year !

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    1. Just imagine what a different story it would have been if they'd all taken your good advice! Happy New Year, SmitandSon, and many thanks for all your comments.

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  12. Happy 2013.

    Excellent post.

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    1. Thanks, Debbie. Happy new year to you too!

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  13. Absolutely loved the Mummy Bear resolution at the end!

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    1. Thanks, Rich. Poor Mummy Bear. What a life she had, with those two awkward customers.

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