I'm not making any of my own New Year
Guaranteed-Total and Depressing FailuresResolutions. Instead, I thought I'd make a list of New Year resolutions which some literary characters should have made ....
Resolutions that would have made these characters' lives easier, and the stories a hell of a lot shorter .....
Red Riding Hood: When taking cakes to grandparents, go the city route.
Pilgrim: Steer clear of Sloughs.
Gulliver: Don't ever lie down in someone else's country.
Dr Frankenstein: Use different materials for my sewing hobby.
Madame Bovary: Read up on how long the effects of arsenic last.
Dr Jekyll: Learn to live with my
Jude the Obscure: Refuse to be a character in any of Hardy's novels
Holden Caulfield: Revise.
Jay Gatsby: Never let the woman drive.
Piggy: Lose weight before any journey on a plane.
Lennie Small: don't hold on for quite so long.
Mr Bennet: Develop a hearing problem.
Dorian Gray: Just ask them to take a photograph.
Three Men in a Boat: Leave the dog at home.
Mummy Bear: Give them toast.
|Evidence that cats have sense when it comes to resolutions ...|