WHAT YOU'LL FIND ON THIS BLOG

Thursday, 3 January 2013

Evidence that Fran can keep the triviality going for a whole year

Okay, so, to pick up the conversation we were having a couple of posts back, here's a taster of the rest of my 2012 blogging year.

In July, I had an anonymous comment on my blog which amused me:

Wοnԁerful article! That is the kind of info thаt are 
meant to be shareԁ аcгоss thе net.
Shame on the seek engines for nοt positionіng this 
ѕubmit hіgher! Ϲomе on ovеr аnd seeκ advice from 
my website . Thаnk you =)
Feel free to surf my web page :: Roxy Bedding  

My comment on his comment: Anon, let me give you a piece of advice.  If you are to establish a convincing presence on the Internet, you ought to learn the jargon.  Although your term 'seek engine' made me spit into my tea, it's probably something you should go and research.  'Shame on the seek engines' indeed, however, for not positioning my submit higher.  I have been thinking the same thing for a long time.   

In August, I was in the mood for murdering well-known nursery rhymes:

Mary had a little lamb.
The midwife had a fit.
She, thinking it would be a child,
Had not expected it.
She glanced at Mary, wondering,
If Mary had a clue
That instead of having a mini-me
She'd had a mini-ewe?

You can read the rest of the silliness right here

In September, I had yet another letter from Santa explaining that he didn't have the following items I'd ordered:

1. Magic pyjamas which guarantee successful Clooney dreams

2. A book called 'Eat Cake: Look Like a String Bean'

3. Sexy red sparkly shoes with 6 inch heels but in an extra-wide fitting for the older lady

4. A book called 'Look Glamorous in a Woolly Cardigan'

5. A sofa with an inbuilt massage system to tone your thighs while you watch TV

6. A book called 'Walking for Pleasure and other Oxymorons'

You can read the rest of his letter here and all my other letters from Santa are under the 'Santa writes to me' label

In October, I was having trouble finding what I wanted on the Internet:

I google 'Nursery Rhymes' because I'm thinking I might ruin a few for people by adapting them, just for something to do.  Up comes 'Baa Baa Black Sheep'.  I click on that to get the rhyme, and it takes me straight to a website featuring Italian women in skimpy underwear and a big flashing message saying, 'I am Lolita and if you call me right now, we can do lots of sexy talk.'

Well, Lolita, I am Fran, and if I called you right now, I'm afraid sexy talk would not be on the agenda, but just to pep up your night, I could run you through the basics of semicolons, the apostrophe, and the difference between the active and passive voice. 

The rest of the post is here

November found me reminiscing about the teachers I had at school ...

Another one I recall is a Design & Technology teacher.  I think he was Mr Drysdale, and he had a long nose, mud-green trousers on spindly legs, and an allergy to fourteen year old girls who didn't know how to draw a straight line, even with a ruler.  He reluctantly took me into his class because I had been thrown out of something else, probably Art.  I remember when I arrived at his door to tell him I'd been 'transferred'.  He probably said something like, 'What?  From Broadmoor? Frightening the others, were you?'  Put it this way, he was as pleased to have me in his class as anyone is to get repeat attacks of scabies.

For more, go here

And then, in December, I finished off the year by writing about custard:

1. I once knew someone who used to like her custard really thick.  We went round for dinner once and, again, she served up the kind of custard you have to slice.  It's all a bit awkward, that kind of thing, isn't it? What do you say?  She says something like, 'Hope the custard's not too thick' and you have to be polite and try NOT to say, 'No, it's fine.  I love my custard the consistency of ready-mix concrete.  It's the only way.' or 'Thick?  You think THIS is thick?  Don't you remember the cheese sauce you gave us LAST time?' or 'Of COURSE it's not too thick.  Oops!  What's that in my bowl?  My DENtures?'

For more on custard, go here

2013 will see me continuing to hold forth on the significant issues of the day, profound intellectual arguments and important moral dilemmas.  I hope to see you there.  And, if you stayed with me during 2012, I thank you from the bottom of my bloggy heart.


27 comments:

  1. I still haven't had custard. Probably never will. I lead a life of silent deprivation.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. I don't know how you're holding your head up in the street, Janie....

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    2. It's not easy. Perhaps I need to join a support group. If I go to Custard Anonymous, I bet they'll sneak in a ton of custard.

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  2. Thank YOU for providing us with commentary on the significant issues of the day, profound intellectual arguments and important moral dilemmas.
    Happy new Year.

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    1. I aim to please. Thanks, Stephen!

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  3. That whole post made me laugh :o) Custard should definitely be thick or not at all, and I'll be ordering the 'buy cake' book from Santa next year - maybe it'll exist by then?

    DO keep the adapted nursery rhymes coming, I love 'em!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Karen, for your comments and for agreeing with me on custard. One needs this kind of support.

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  4. I shall most definitely be staying with you for 2013. I love your posts. I only wish I could make a witty comment occasionally, but couldn't possibly match up to you, or many of your readers' very clever comments, so I tend to keep quiet! I also worry that my grammar might not be up to scratch, in spite of having attended a girls' grammar school in late 50s early 60s and actually been taught " grammar"...it was a long time ago!

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    Replies
    1. Noooooo! Please don't not comment because of grammar! I do hope you're not serious. You should see my shocking performance when I'm doing online chat on Facebook. I drop everything except my pants.

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    2. I bumped into a troll(eydancer) who complained about my lack of puncturation.

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  5. I've just had to add another resolution: try not to miss any of your posts. CN't believe I missed out on the custard and magic pyjama's (there's a sentence I've never written before!). Happy New Year Fran!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, BB. Custard and magic pyjamas. It sounds like a title for a children's story ... I see plotlines emerging in my brain ....

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    2. With illustrations by Shirley Hughes .

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    3. I'll ring old Shirl up and ask if she fancies doing a collaboration, and perhaps share a little of her bank account with me while we're at it. My kids were brought up on her Alfie books - brilliant!

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  6. Much more of the same, please!

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    Replies
    1. Glutton for punishment or what?!

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  7. Goddamn it you should have made the Queen's Christmas honours list!

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    Replies
    1. I thank you kindly, dear sir. I would have turned it down, of course, being ...... nah, I'd have taken it.

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  8. I look forward to many future posts. Regards, your random Brisbane reader.

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    1. Thanks, wide eyed. Random Brisbane readers especially welcome.

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  9. I refuse to contemplate a year without lots more like these .... besides who else could prompt a detour , via "bloggy heart" , to Billy Ray Cyrus ?

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    1. Thanks, SmitandSon. I refuse to contemplate a year without your comments so that I can write SmitandSon which I enjoy doing every single time. And you've never complained, bless you.

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  10. You have lost none of your boundless ability to fascinate this reader with topics so well-chosen they answer a long felt wand in me. Even the one I got for Christmas didn’t come up to your magic.

    Happy new year, Fran.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Friko! I'm not sure what a long felt wand is. All kinds of mental pictures are in my head, but I'm not sure if any of them are the right ones....

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  11. Very cute. I always enjoy your posts, and this one was definitely a smile-inducer. And I always love your poems.

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  12. Thanks so much. I have to write some new poems soon as I've just got a gig for February. Arrgghh!

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