Evidence that Fran is collecting ideas that will make her a millionaire
When I'm out and about and see something I think could one day form the basis of an original and transfixing piece of writing that could change the world, I write it down in a notebook.
This is how world-class writing gets produced and I'm sure I'm only one in a long line of creative artists keeping notes of this kind. Steinbeck probably wrote in his notebook, 'Two itinerant workers; Great Depression; tragedy; could be a great GCSE text'. Austen, I'm sure, had a little notebook in the pocket of her apron in which she jotted down 'Two sisters; one sensible; one romantic' or 'Damp man emerges from lake; myriad BBC adaptations?' ready for when she'd finished her Bible verse cross-stitch.
Here's the list that's in my notebook, just as I've written it. Don't be tempted to steal my ideas, mind. I am putting my trust in you here.
Square cows with corners in field
The swinging coat hanger - creak, creak, creak
Sign outside old people's home: Later Living!
Sheep look dirty in snow
Scaffolding in alley near Tesco
Seagulls have knobbly knees
I've been turning these ideas over in my mind and wondering how I can incorporate them all into a coherent piece of work: a novel that will win the Booker prize and enable me, at last, to buy that mansion in the country with Gothic windows and a resident housekeeper who'd bring me Marmite sandwiches and Nutella pancakes at the ring of a little bell.
For now, inspiration is proving elusive. And if it refuses to come, I may just have to use my ideas for individual blog posts and earn my millions another way. Watch this space.
In the absence of literary genius, just for the moment, here's a picture of my grandson Elijah for you. This is what my son calls 'playing with the baby'. One day, Elijah is going to be with a therapist, reliving this memory ....
This is how world-class writing gets produced and I'm sure I'm only one in a long line of creative artists keeping notes of this kind. Steinbeck probably wrote in his notebook, 'Two itinerant workers; Great Depression; tragedy; could be a great GCSE text'. Austen, I'm sure, had a little notebook in the pocket of her apron in which she jotted down 'Two sisters; one sensible; one romantic' or 'Damp man emerges from lake; myriad BBC adaptations?' ready for when she'd finished her Bible verse cross-stitch.
Here's the list that's in my notebook, just as I've written it. Don't be tempted to steal my ideas, mind. I am putting my trust in you here.
Square cows with corners in field
The swinging coat hanger - creak, creak, creak
Sign outside old people's home: Later Living!
Sheep look dirty in snow
Scaffolding in alley near Tesco
Seagulls have knobbly knees
I've been turning these ideas over in my mind and wondering how I can incorporate them all into a coherent piece of work: a novel that will win the Booker prize and enable me, at last, to buy that mansion in the country with Gothic windows and a resident housekeeper who'd bring me Marmite sandwiches and Nutella pancakes at the ring of a little bell.
For now, inspiration is proving elusive. And if it refuses to come, I may just have to use my ideas for individual blog posts and earn my millions another way. Watch this space.
In the absence of literary genius, just for the moment, here's a picture of my grandson Elijah for you. This is what my son calls 'playing with the baby'. One day, Elijah is going to be with a therapist, reliving this memory ....
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Better put some of your millions-to-be in Elijah's therapy fund. Why is the scaffolding near Tesco? Will there be a public hanging? I don't want to miss another one.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Oh, and I forgot to comment on Austen and man emerging damp from a lake. We Janes are such sex machines, churning out the porn.
ReplyDeleteLove again,
Janie
Ah, the Tesco scaffolding. I will write about it soon. As for you Janes, hidden depths, or what?
DeletePlenty to work with there. I'm thinking bucolic romance set in an old folks home. Very cute grandson. I hope he's getting the full benefit of your parenting tips.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! You've read my Me-Pretending-to-be-a-Mommy-Blogger posts, then .... I hardly dare write any more of these.
DeleteNot the Booker, Fran - you want to write Fifty Shades of Something-or-other. Trust me. That's where the money is.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that seagulls have knees, do they? But you are absolutely right about the sheep. And not just the black ones, either.
Lovely ideas!
Seagulls definitely do have knees. I even looked it up. That's what Google is there for.
DeleteI think Frances ir right - Fifty Shades of Fran.....you've got 'dirty' sheep, a 'swinging' coat hanger, seagulls on their knees, and old folk - well, old folk - hah!
ReplyDeleteYou're reading all KINDS of things into my innocent little list!
DeleteI do just the same - Cat follows postman along road, Woman says to friend, "What is an Android exactly?" It gives me great ideas for stories. Then I come home and drop my laptop. Gah!! Lovely post. Made me smile as always :)
ReplyDeleteI hope your laptop's recovered, SWH. You have to write those stories!
DeleteSeagulls have knobbly knees... but huge breasts.
ReplyDeleteEspecially the ones in Tenby, because they steal people's chips when they're not looking.
DeleteYou are the next Sue Townsend. Just wait until Elijah is 13 and 3/4, and you'll see I'm right.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't worry too much about the little lad. It's what your son puts IN his head that counts.
Ha ha! Only 13 years to wait, then, for fame! Actually, I just tried to read Sue Townsend's latest - about the woman who goes to bed for a year - and I couldn't get on with it. Weird characters. Have you read it?
DeleteButting in here - I couldn't get on with that book either. Someone loaned it to me saying, 'I know you'll love this' - there's nothing worse; I felt guilty for not liking it!
DeleteFran, do try Dan Rhodes's novel Gold, if you haven't already. I think it's comic writing at its best. I haven't read Sue Townsend - never really fancied it, but not sure why...
DeleteVintage - I'm glad it's not just me. I loved her book about the Royal family moving onto a council estate. That was hilarious. And of course Adrian Mole. But the latest one, no.
DeleteFrances, thanks for the recommendation. Haven't heard of him. I will put it on my list. (My list of books to read, not my 'list of useless things to write about'.)
No, I haven't read beyond Adrian Mole. Poor old Sue has been through the mill with her health, hasn't she?
Delete