WHAT YOU'LL FIND ON THIS BLOG

Monday, 29 July 2013

Evidence that circling buzzards make a woman morbid

My husband swears he's seen a buzzard circling overhead recently while we've been sitting in the garden.

Not good for the self-esteem, being viewed as potential carrion.  I've told my husband that every hour or so we ought to shift about a bit in our chairs, just to give the impression of continuing life.

Here are ten other signs that you are in your 50s and can't pretend any longer:

1. When you bend to put your socks on, you start seeing it as an opportunity to put in plugs, dust skirting boards and pick fluff off the carpet while you're down there.

2. Other people with frown lines and recent bunion operation scars let you on the bus first.

3. When you meet long-term friends, you talk about recent visits to the doctor before you even mention the weather.

4. You view Thornton's Special Toffee - the stuff you have to break with a hammer - like you would a potential mugger.

5. When the Avon Lady comes to the door, you look down the street and say, 'Is Mummy with you or has she sent you round to collect the money?'

6. You go 'uh' and 'ooh' when you get out of a chair, even if nothing hurts.

7. You vow you'll never have any plastic surgery procedures, but, still, those lip plumping and wrinkle injection videos on Youtube are mighty fascinating.

8. You begin to wonder what the £3.99 meals are like at the local day centre.

9. You wonder whether a flowered Pac-a-Mac isn't in fact a sensible option in the rain.

10. When you say 'cool' it can't sound anything but ironic.

It was all very well getting the leg up there.  It had been three days now and she still wasn't sure
how she was going to get it down again.


31 comments:

  1. Does the Avon Lady still exist?!

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    1. She absolutely does, round our way anyway. But I think she's doing it to support herself through GCSEs.

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  2. I had the same problem as that lady in the picture only my situation came after Viagra and it wasn't my leg I couldn't get down.

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    1. I bet you looked dead funny with your arm in the air like that.

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    2. I am laughing so hard, Stephen. I'm frightening the dogs.

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  3. I really hate it when I see a doctor and she's 12 years old. My dentist is 10.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. It's when your therapist is 8 that things get confusing.

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  4. Brilliant and true (and I'm not even fifty yet... quite!)

    Loved the first one... but I suppose the next stage is you bend down to put your socks on and forget what you're doing down there!

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    1. Everything becomes known as the 'thingy' and you wonder why your car keys are in the washing machine.

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    2. Ha ha, Broken Biro! Then you may as well just lie down and stay there!

      Wendy, we were talking to friends the other day and they call everything they can't remember 'the gerbil'. I loved this idea and have adopted it.

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  5. Can't say I recognise any of these symptoms of middle-age. I'd like to expand on the subject, but I'm already late for an appointment with my therapist. Apparently, I show signs of being in denial. Of course it's absolutely NOT the case.

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    1. No, no, of course not, dear. You're absolutely fine. Now, just pop this tablet in. That's it. WELL done!

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  6. BEND DOWN ? How young and skittish that sounds ! I think I can remember those days ...

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    1. Well, at least you can remember ...

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  7. The teenage girl on the supermarket check out desk had to call a supervisor to authorise the alcohol content in our groceries... the supervisor looked about twelve !

    I find now when I can't think of a word I think of one associated with it to give a clue... I am a walking Thesaurus !
    My mum, while trying to find the words to tell me she was looking forward to the Proms said, " Thing, Friday, TV, singing ! "

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    1. That's hilarious about your mum! I teach A level English Language and one of the things they study is how young children learn to talk. The stage when they're just learning is called telegraphic speech when it's just strings of words. So ... it looks like this is something we return to. Stairs. Top. Wonder. Why here?

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    2. My mother ( was also a teacher who should have known better ) used to call my eldest brother to come to eat, " Patrick, Dindins " then tap the chair & say, " sit down " So my brother thought he had a friend called Dindins & a chair was called a Sitdown !!!

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  8. You think you've got problems? I have now twice - TWICE - been offered a seat on the bus by women whom I have regarded as being middle-aged. I hate to think how old they think I am.

    I took the seats, mind you. I wasn't as insulted as a all that.

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    1. It's when they struggle up, screw in their wooden leg, balance themselves on their frame, and then say, 'Would you like a seat, dear? You look all done in,' that you know things are bad.

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  9. I have to admit to looking round thinking to myself, 'now, what else can I carry?' when I'm going up or down stairs before heading off with a load worthy of a D of E Gold expedition. Except, of course, I'm far too old to do my D of E Gold. Sigh. Or rather, 'oooh'

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    1. I wonder if the D of E himself could do the D of E now?.....!

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  10. It's pretty grim with teenager comes home from school to say that they are learning about President Kennedy and Martin Luther King in HISTORY!!!!! - This happened a few years ago, and you guessed it - I lived through that time and can remember it all well.

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    1. Ha ha! Funny thing is, they think Margaret Thatcher is 'history'. Or maybe even last week.

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  11. Ah the soundtrack to old age - grunts and cracking joints....sigh
    Anna May x

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    1. We could make a CD of them and play it to the young as a warning.

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  12. First time reader here - thank you - this was wonderful. I really had a good chuckle, eh, and the photo and caption at the bottom made me laugh. I like your place and will now read a bit more and be back to visit. Have a wonderful day.

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    1. Thanks for dropping in, Saucy, and I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Do pop back in any time and I'll put the kettle on.

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  13. Funny, yes. I just wish it wasn't so real. (Whispers) I can relate to every one of those. There's no one reading this, is there?
    Rx

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    1. I can assure you there is absolutely no one else reading. Your secrets are safe with me. You just carry on sharing. Thanks for your comment, Rena. I see from your profile that you are a Daphne du Maurier fan - me too. I love her short stories as well as her novels and especially 'The Birds' which has to be the eeriest story ever - even more so than the film.

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  14. has it been three days? No wonder my hip aches.

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    1. How time passes when you're having that much fun.

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