Evidence that Fran needs new glasses as well as a shedload of money to pay for them
I definitely need to book an appointment at the optician for new glasses. Here are the signs.
1. I was reading a book today about new words which have been invented in the last ten years. I came across one in the 'A' section that said, 'A580'? A 5 8 0? I'd not heard of it. What was it? A strange computer code? A new paper size? The name of a new character in Doctor Who? Why does no one tell me these things?
Then the type swam into proper focus and I realised it said ASBO, as in 'anti-social behaviour order.'
2. When I began typing this post, the screen had that kind of 'your words have immediately gone under water as soon as you've typed them' look and I've had to turn the make-the-font-bigger-thing (not sure of its technical name) up to maximum.
That's better, but there's only room for one paragraph on the screen.
3. When I'm reading anything aloud at school, I'm doing that 'hold the book at a distance' thing which is more effective for making you look old than if you came in with a Zimmer frame, knitting sticking out of your pocket, and said, 'Now why did I come in here?'
(I daren't ask my students, 'Now why did I come in here?' I'm afraid they'd say, 'We've been asking that same question for months. Go away and leave us alone.')
4. I am being very careful not to stick my shoes by mistake into the hems of my trousers, because I know that, should I accidentally undo the hem and have to sew it up, I wouldn't be able to find a needle in my sewing box, let alone thread the damn thing. In fact, where IS my sewing box? It used to be on that shelf over there, but ....
5. I watched a video of The Two Ronnies today and could only see Ronnie Barker.
The only advantage to ANY of this is that, when I go and choose my new glasses, the price on the receipt will look like this £430 and I can pretend it says £130.
And don't tell me I should have gone to Specsavers. I did once, but they messed it up big-time, giving me glasses with one side right and one side wrong, so that I walked around for a week like a raving drunk, attacking lamp posts and having to feel my way down stairs to avoid catapulting myself down them like a ..... like a .... like a ..... pulty cat.
1. I was reading a book today about new words which have been invented in the last ten years. I came across one in the 'A' section that said, 'A580'? A 5 8 0? I'd not heard of it. What was it? A strange computer code? A new paper size? The name of a new character in Doctor Who? Why does no one tell me these things?
Then the type swam into proper focus and I realised it said ASBO, as in 'anti-social behaviour order.'
2. When I began typing this post, the screen had that kind of 'your words have immediately gone under water as soon as you've typed them' look and I've had to turn the make-the-font-bigger-thing (not sure of its technical name) up to maximum.
That's better, but there's only room for one paragraph on the screen.
3. When I'm reading anything aloud at school, I'm doing that 'hold the book at a distance' thing which is more effective for making you look old than if you came in with a Zimmer frame, knitting sticking out of your pocket, and said, 'Now why did I come in here?'
(I daren't ask my students, 'Now why did I come in here?' I'm afraid they'd say, 'We've been asking that same question for months. Go away and leave us alone.')
4. I am being very careful not to stick my shoes by mistake into the hems of my trousers, because I know that, should I accidentally undo the hem and have to sew it up, I wouldn't be able to find a needle in my sewing box, let alone thread the damn thing. In fact, where IS my sewing box? It used to be on that shelf over there, but ....
5. I watched a video of The Two Ronnies today and could only see Ronnie Barker.
The only advantage to ANY of this is that, when I go and choose my new glasses, the price on the receipt will look like this £430 and I can pretend it says £130.
And don't tell me I should have gone to Specsavers. I did once, but they messed it up big-time, giving me glasses with one side right and one side wrong, so that I walked around for a week like a raving drunk, attacking lamp posts and having to feel my way down stairs to avoid catapulting myself down them like a ..... like a .... like a ..... pulty cat.
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| Specsavers media team was very pleased with its new advertising campaign |
You always make me laugh. I can't see even with my glasses, no matter how new or old they are. My sight has always been terrible. It's genetics. That's my excuse.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Thanks, Janie. I only needed glasses when I hit 40. From then on, it's all been downhill.
DeleteI've needed glasses since I was six or seven, and probably needed them before that.
DeleteI remember very vividly a girl in my Infants school class who was meant to be wearing glasses but hated putting them on. She was always getting told off by the teachers. I felt really bad for her. In those days, glasses weren't exactly attractive.
DeleteLovely post! I buy very cheap specs from Amazon, but maybe you have an Expensive Eyesight Problem?
ReplyDelete(I knew a family of opticians once. They were very, very rich.)
I think I know those opticians.
DeleteGood luck !
ReplyDeleteI can't see further than my nose without specs and can't read with them . It can make life quite adventourous at times but I can't help feeling that bifocals would make it downright dangerous .
I've got varifocals, and I'm telling you, the first couple of days with new ones is like being on a ship in a gale in a drunken haze.
DeleteI hate to break it to you but I think your cunning plan for mistaking the price will only work if the person taking the money is also unable to see properly.
ReplyDeleteWhat is your definition of "pulty", by the way? "Very shortsighted", maybe?
No, a pulty cat is a cat that pults. I hope that's cleared things up ...
DeleteOh, I SEE. Silly me.
DeleteThis made me giggle! When I'm preaching, I need one pair of specs to read the passage, and another pair to stop the congregation looking all fuzzy (but maybe that says more about my sermons). I have to type my notes in a large font so that I can read them by looking over the top of my glasses - that way I can still see the congregation clearly enough to check if they've nodded off.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Fiona! I would have thought it would be better to stay short-sighted if your congregation has nodded off. What you don't know can't hurt you.
DeleteBut then I wouldn't have the fun of shouting "Boo!" in the middle of my sermon...
DeleteNow that I would like to see!
DeleteI just got new glasses and I was amazed at how expensive they've become--nearly eight hundred dollars in my case. Of course that includes the exam and attachable sunglasses but heck, my first car cost less.
ReplyDeleteYou need a second mortgage to buy good glasses these days. I would get one, if I had a first mortgage, but I don't.
DeleteI would comment but I couldn't read your post.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Send me the reasonable sum of £36.95 and I'll forward you a large-print version.
DeleteI did that hold the item with outstretched arms to read ... but still couldn't read & knew it was time for specs. ( It was around the time I noticed grey hairs which sadly, I could see )
ReplyDeleteHusband started to borrow my glasses and now has his own bendy ones - yes bendy not trendy; he can tuck them into his pockets & lesson the risk of snapping them !
I agree with you - however short-sighted you are, the grey hairs are always clearly visible. Sigh.
DeleteGuys do make passes at girl's who wear glasses... so choose a pair with care. Of course if the guy is wearing glasses you may have to guide him.
ReplyDeleteHa ha! and of course there's always the danger, if both wear glasses, of that embarrassing 'clunk' in the middle of the kiss. SO awkward.
DeleteOkay then, my next pair of glasses will NOT be from SpecSavers, I don't care how good their TV ads are. I won't be going back to OPSM either. I had to go back three times before my glasses were acceptable. Still not perfect, but acceptable.
ReplyDeleteuh-oh, my eyesight is now so bad I can't see the comment I left.....meh.
ReplyDeleteIt said, 'I promise to pay you the sum of £10,000 in new banknotes by return of post.'
DeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Delete