Evidence that Fran has done a variety of things twice

I said to my sixth formers on Friday,  'Chances are I'm going to be a Grandma for the second time this week.'

'The second time this week?' one of them said.  'That's very impressive.'

'Er - let me rephrase that,' I said.  'Chances are that, this week, I'm going to be a Grandma for the second time.'

And I was! 

Galling, though, to have someone in your English Language A level class point out your faulty syntax.

Anyway, here's the baby.  Phoebe Esther Hill, born very early on Saturday morning.  A sister for Elijah, who's now 20 months.

Here are some other things I have done twice.

1. Given birth to girls.  I had one baby girl in 1983, a sandwich filling of a little boy in 1986, and then another baby girl in 1990.  The sandwich filling is the one who's the father of my grandchildren, so he's done pretty well, despite starting out as a lunch ingredient.  

Here's the younger of my daughters with her niece, newborn baby Phoebe.

All the Hill children begin sweet and serene.  Then things change ...

2. Eaten artichokes.  This year, my husband grew artichokes on his allotment.  There's a saying, isn't there?  'Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.'  Well, let's just say, the Latin name for artichokes isn't 'Friendsus Leavus Rapidus' for nothing.  I had a whole social circle to rebuild.  And it's not easy to take, when people say, 'Okay, I'll come back and be your friend, but don't get offended by the gas mask, that's all.'

3.  Read a book called 'When God was a Rabbit' by Sarah Winman.  This was finally proof that my memory is now as leaky as an inadequate Tena pad.  I got easily half-way through this book a fortnight ago, only to realise that some of the details were becoming familiar.  I'd read it last year.  I finished it anyway, because when I say 'becoming familiar' I'm playing fast and loose with the truth.  I kind of recognised it.  But not so much that the ending still wasn't a surprise.  If I write a blog post next week and entitle it, 'Fran's first blog post ever' you'll know why.  

4. Sung karaoke.  The first time was one New Year when I was staying at my sister's and someone brought a karaoke machine to the party.  My sister's partner had introduced me to gin and tonic that winter, only his method of pouring gin into a glass is to start pouring, then while still pouring, answer a phone call, stir the stew on the cooker, do a bit of washing up, go for a jog round the block, book a holiday in Madeira on the Internet, and then stop pouring.  He then adds whatever tonic will still fit in the glass.  (He doesn't get through bottles of tonic very quickly.)  All I remember is singing, 'Tainted Love' really really well, even though I'd never heard the song in my life before.  As I screeched like a banshee with laryngitis, and flailed my arms around like a windmill, I looked and sounded fanTAStic, I knew it.   

The second karaoke session was with my brother in a pub in Cardiff.  He gave me the choice of which song we could do, and I chose 'Unchained Melody' by The Righteous Brothers.  My brother looked at me and said, 'You do realise that's really difficult to sing' and, despite never having sung it before, I decided he was just playing scared.  Then we sang it.   Without the help of gin, I managed to sound as though I was having a limb amputated without anaesthetic while simultaneously having three teeth out, extracted via my eyeballs.  I'm not sure he's ever been back to that pub again.  In fact, I suspect word spread, and he's now having to go somewhere on the edges of Shropshire for a quiet pint, where people don't remember the night he brought the sister whose voice turned the beer sour.

Fran's karaoke tutor in action - another reason why Fran's brother may have been embarrassed by her ...