2. On days when I find myself taking a video of my own feet when I was only trying to make a simple call, am I being over-sensitive to wish it wasn't called a Smartphone?
3. How come, when I catch my reflection in a shop window, it's always a shop window selling bikinis and lingerie for people who could fit inside the right leg of my trousers?
4. How can a hollow chocolate egg the weight of a baby sparrow cost £17.99 just because it's a certain time of year?
5. Can I still retain a sense of hope in humanity, even when someone on the phone tells me my call is important to them, and then makes me listen to Mendelssohn played on a xylophone made out of tin foil?
6. Am I wrong to feel it unfair that I will only ever get one chance to try a deep-fried Mars Bar, because that will be about three minutes before I die?
7. If some tomatoes are 'grown for flavour', what are the rest grown for?
8. Why did anyone bother to discover electricity now that we are pressurised to use light bulbs which have to warm up and take ten minutes to illuminate anything?