Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Evidence that the frown lines on Fran's forehead are a result of deep philosophical meditations.


I have some questions.


1. Can it be a just world while we have the easy-peel tangerine and the banana, but also the pomegranate and the mango?

2. On days when I find myself taking a video of my own feet when I was only trying to make a simple call, am I being over-sensitive to wish it wasn't called a Smartphone?

3. How come, when I catch my reflection in a shop window, it's always a shop window selling bikinis and lingerie for people who could fit inside the right leg of my trousers?

4. How can a hollow chocolate egg the weight of a baby sparrow cost £17.99 just because it's a certain time of year?

5. Can I still retain a sense of hope in humanity, even when someone on the phone tells me my call is important to them, and then makes me listen to Mendelssohn played on a xylophone made out of tin foil?

6. Am I wrong to feel it unfair that I will only ever get one chance to try a deep-fried Mars Bar, because that will be about three minutes before I die?

7. If some tomatoes are 'grown for flavour', what are the rest grown for?

8. Why did anyone bother to discover electricity now that we are pressurised to use light bulbs which have to warm up and take ten minutes to illuminate anything?

9. Is there anyone in the whole world who actually likes the sound of nails scraping down a blackboard?

10. If one buys slippers with fur on for the first time ever, is that a good enough reason to reconsider one's views on euthanasia?  







Please add to the list with a question you're asking.  It's lonely being this puzzled.   









21 comments:

  1. 1. No; 2. No; 3. Indeed; 4. Indeed; 5. Yes (it could be worse, eg the Rolling Stones); 6 You could try eating fast so as to get through two, though - why?; 7. Colour? I don't like eating tomatoes but they look nice; 8. Now, now. Be grateful to have light at all; 9. Blackboards? Oh yes, I faintly remember them; 10. Are you suggesting that you're old? I'm about to be 64. Like in the song. When I first heard it, when I was 14 or something, I was perfectly confident that I would never ever be that old. Argh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Likewise, I remember sitting on my bed when I was 14, working out how old I would be in the year 2000, and being pretty sure that was just not possible.

      Delete
  2. I don't own a smartphone but Number 2 sounds like something I 'd do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am to technology what KFC is to a vegan.

      Delete
  3. I love your questions. I wish I had the answers. Maybe the smart phone could be called the I'm A Stoopnagle phone.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had to look that one up!

      Delete
  4. #4 bugs the heck out of me too. So I wait until after Easter when left over stock is marked at half price or even wait a bit longer when stock is marked at 75% off.
    This year I didn't bother at all.
    #7 the rest of the tomatoes are bred for sturdiness and transportability, so they can be picked too early, trucked thousands of miles across country and still look good on display in the stores. Tasteless, but pretty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Re the tomatoes, it's a strange, strange world.

      Delete
  5. Stop thinking.....just hum instead.....people will think you special but you will feel calm and happy.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha - I wonder what my sixth formers would make of me!

      Delete
  6. The big one for me is: when I over-perform at work do they expect me to continue doing it?

    Actually, that's a complete lie. Nobody has ever thought or said that about me.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Why does bread & wine have to be so fattening ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think if other people buy it for you, or it's your birthday, or you also eat a yogurt, there are no calories in bread and wine at all.

      Delete
  8. 6? As a cradle Glaswegian I have to recommend skipping the temptation , however strong , to eat a deep fried Mars bar . Just go straight to a double nugget ... a thick slice of rich italian vanilla ice cream sandwiched between two large chocolate covered marshmallow biscuits . Your arteries will thank you .... Briefly .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha! Now that sounds like something I'd like to try!

      Delete
  9. on 6. I tried one... it was gross... Currently mine is 'what comes first, the book or the speaking engagements?' . Although I am intrigued by other things like 'where do all the socks in our house go to?' and 'Why is it raining in May?' (not supposed to happen round here)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe there is actually a very special Sock Heaven where everyone's lost ones go. I can't countenance the fact that all the socks we lose go nowhere at all and are in some kind of limbo.

      Delete
  10. When people say to me "Have a great weekend!" what do they actually mean? Do they think I'm going to be abseiling off the side of St Mary's or getting an adrenaline rush from a trip on the Thames? More likely from a leisure bath...Great post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think people say that because denial is the only way we cope with knowing that what most of us do at weekends is clean the bathroom, stock up on J-cloths, and forget, yet again, to work out why the shower head isn't working properly.

      Delete
  11. Did anyone work out that energy-saving light bulbs would waste energy, because people would get so frustrated at having to wait for them to get bright (see your question above), that they would deliberately leave them on?

    Teenagers. Why? Just why?

    ReplyDelete