Our future is in Ham.
We're feeling fine.
(I'm not, said Mr Pig,
'Cause so is mine.)
I'm always jealous when people move house, because I love new starts. We lived in the same house for 25 years before we moved to the Midlands and, in lieu of moving house, I would change the furniture around on a regular basis instead. Many of our conversations with our grown-up children begin, 'You know the year we had the piano at the bay window end ...' or 'That was when we used the back bedroom as a music room'.
There are disadvantages to doing this, though. Here are some.
1. You get those deep holes in the carpets where the piano was and they never recover.
2. If you come downstairs in the night, you stub your toe on an unexpected chair leg.
3. There's always one piece of electrical equipment that is no longer near a plug socket.
4. One chair is now so near the fire, its occupant's ankles give off a smell of roast dinner in the winter.
5. If you take a tall piece of furniture away from a wall and replace it with a smaller piece, the picture above it now looks like a greetings card in a frame.
6. If you take a small piece of furniture away from a wall and replace it with a taller one, the picture above it, a scene of a family in a teashop, now features three disembodied heads eating cake.
7. You find that moving furniture around is no substitute for moving house, because your neighbour still has a penchant for Metallica and having your dining table in the bay window has made no difference to this.
8. You realise that one reason you moved things around last time was to hide the evidence of the Great Red Wine Disaster in 2012.
|Fido always denied it, but had always had trouble perfecting his 'not guilty' look|
I will try not to envy my son's new home. I really like the house I live in now, and there's no reason to move.
Particularly, we have no reason to complain about our immediate neighbours. They are extremely well-behaved. They look like this.