WHAT YOU'LL FIND ON THIS BLOG

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Evidence that you can't always find a common theme however hard you try

I have some things to tell you. I'll attempt to link them all together, but I don't yet know how. Let's wait and see.

1. Near my house, an alleyway leads under a railway bridge. On the wall of the bridge, some kid who has a GSOH but won't get a GCSE in English has sprayed, in enormous white painted letters, this message:

'Call the Graffiti Removeral Hotline.com!'

2. I noticed, yesterday morning while making my packed lunch of home-made cheese coleslaw, that when you grate cheese, it behaves itself, but when you grate carrot, it goes everywhere but into its assigned container. The cheese obediently grated into the sandwich box, yet only three shreds of carrot landed in there. The rest was a) on my cardigan; b) on the walls; c) on the work surface; d) still on the carrot. Retrieving shreds of carrot from various surfaces is not the way to start a working day.

3. When I log in to my computer, it asks for a password. When I mistype the password, it says to me in its 'concerned friend' voice: 'Hint: usual password.'  It seems to think I would deliberately type in an unfamiliar one. Surely, 'Might that have been a typo?' would be more humane rather than treating me as though I had a peanut's brain?

4. Today was 'moderation day' for our English department at school, checking our GCSE coursework grades to see if we'd been marking them fairly. To accompany the moderation, we had a) hot cross buns; b) Party Ring biscuits; c) Jaffa Cakes; d) chocolate biscuits. We even missed lunch while we worked, snacking instead on a) hot cross buns; b) Party Ri - you get the idea. Moderation is sedentary stuff. I have never sat so still, and yet consumed so many calories, before. If I did a week like that, I would need bringing out of the building on a crane. Two weeks: a hearse. Three weeks: a hearse, pulled by two carthorses and a tractor.

5. Last night, I started to listen to a radio programme about how stressful teaching is these days, except that I kept falling asleep, shattered after an 11 hour day. I woke several times to find the programme had moved on ten minutes without me. I love this kind of irony.



Okay. Now for the connection between these items........

*considers*

Nope. Can't think of any way of linking these together. So, today, my theme is the randomness and arbitrariness of life and existence. Beckett, eat your heart out.

Here's an owl in a straw hat, just to consolidate today's theme ...








17 comments:

  1. I absolutely love this post. It sums up exactly what most of life is like - crazy, random and disjointed but all the same humorous and quirky for those with eyes to see. The cheese/carrot thing particularly resonated with me. This post make me laugh out loud. You get better and better at making me do that Fran Hill!

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    1. Thanks, SWH! And thanks for lolling.

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  2. As the saying goes, all things in Moderation lead to a happy, healthy life...

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  3. Your home made sarnies sound yum !
    My prompt if I type in the wrong password is, " you " I wonder if I could have a new password for how I feel at the particular moment I fire up the laptop... happy, sad, cross, disappointed, annoyed, sleep deprived, excited ? !

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    1. Maybe it could even say things like, 'Cheer up! You may have forgotten your password, but at least you have a chocolate eclair in the fridge. Things can't be that bad!'

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    2. Maybe it could say.. Hell, you've forgotten your password but

      HAVE A NICE DAY

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  4. before our local cinema turned into sheltered housing (with no visible front door) someone graffitied "sykerdelic!"
    And my iPad refuses to accept my date of birth is correct. What does it know?
    Love the owl.

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    1. Thanks, Georgina. Are you new to the blog? Thanks for visiting. And your iPad sounds like someone who likes to think they're intelligent but in fact knows zilch.

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  5. Fran Hill, I think you are brilliant.

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    1. Ha ha! Helen, I think you write the best comments!

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  6. I feel that owl is an external moderator. He has the correct steely gaze.

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    1. Yes, he does! And I think he's going to mark all my coursework folders down.

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  7. Carrot does like to spread itself around, Sharing the goodness you might say. I have containers where the lid is a grater, so most of what I'm grating does end up in there.
    Love the owl.

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    1. I would like one of those containers very much. I shall make it my life's mission to find one.

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  8. I , too , love the owl .

    ( I'm reluctant to press Publish just in case the commas in my comment are superfluous )

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    1. Perfectly acceptable commas. Not obligatory, but perfectly acceptable. You wouldn't need them in too wit too woo though. (Or however it's spelt.)

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