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Friday, 6 March 2015

Reasons why the Internet isn't always a good thing

Short story entitled 'Why people shouldn't go to the Internet for medical help.'

'What's that strange lump on my leg? Surely that wasn't there before,' thought the woman.

She Googled it. 'Strange lump on leg,' she typed.

Website 1 said, You have a lump on your leg. It will go soon. Do not worry.

Website 2 said, You have probably bumped yourself without realising. It will go soon. Do not worry.

Website 3 said, This is probably a fatty lump or a benign cyst. It will go soon. Do not worry.

Website 4 said, You have a fast-growing incurable malignant fibrous histiocytoma. See a doctor immediately and check that you have no diaries lying around.

She felt the lump again. Surely, since she started Googling, it had grown thirteen times bigger?

The End.



Googling the lump had given it an ego and a personality of its own


Medics seem to hate it when you turn up at the surgery and say, 'Doctor, I've googled this, and apparently .....'  I guess they know what's coming. 'Doctor, I've googled this, and I think you'd better tell me your opinion quickly, because I only have three minutes left before I go into a coma.' Or, 'Doctor, I've googled this, and in my humble opinion you need to prescribe me a year's worth of Cure-it-all-acillin even though it costs £14,000 per two week course.'

Last time I mentioned I'd been playing Google Diagnosis to my doctor, it was when I had a Baker's cyst developing behind my knee. I told him people on the Internet were saying that if a Baker's cyst burst, it was a pain three times worse than childbirth. 'Is that true?' I said.

The word 'contemptuous' isn't strong enough to describe his look. 'Hmph,' he said. 'Well, people on the Internet are stupid.'

What? EVERYone? What about Stephen Hawking? I checked Stephen Hawking's website and either he's a lot cleverer than I am, or he is SO stupid, as the doctor suggested, that he's talking claptrap and academia hasn't realised.

Having said this, Stephen Hawking has absolutely nothing to say about strange lumps on legs. I guess even the best brains have their limits.




25 comments:

  1. Are you sure it's not your knees?

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    1. Gah, no!! TWO lumps to visit the doctor about!

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  2. That lump is too cute to be anything malignant. Isn't it?

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    1. So, that's your definition of 'cute', is it?.... You're very forgiving ...

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  3. That lump certainly looks devilish.

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    1. It looks even worse on a leg, believe me.

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  4. There is a condition - I won't say what in case I cause offense - that my doctor son says he can diagnose immediately simply because of the amount of googled bumph the patient is carrying with him. Or her, of course...

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    1. It's a difficult one, isn't it, because modern doctors are meant to give the patient much more autonomy in making decisions about their medical care. On the other hand, when they self-diagnose and come with a list of medications they expect to get, that's another matter!

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  5. I met someone who had a lump that looked exactly like yours, but it was on their neck. It turned out to be his head!!

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    1. You crack me up, fishducky. I love your comments.

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  6. Our GP definitely does not welcome anything but genuflection from his patients , even those with bumpy legs ... no opinions/ideas are encouraged and Google is not to be mentioned .
    I tend to consult both and believe the cheeriest .

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    1. You are very wise. And I will try the genuflection next time and let you know what transpires ...

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  7. So is it worse than childbirth? I would think that since it's not actually childbirth that you could have pain killers. The last time I told my doctor my Google diagnosis, she said, That's right. I don't know if that's a good thing because I don't like what I have.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I'm sorry you have anything at all, anything you're worried about, Janie. x

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  8. My mother gets the Daily Mail on a Tuesday only for the medical article. She has diagnosed many family ailments this way !

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    1. I love that! Does she charge?

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  9. Dr Google has no bedside manner.

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    1. Neither does the GP I saw last year who answered her mobile phone when it rang in her handbag and carried on a private conversation about going to Pizza Hut in the middle of my consultation.

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  10. It thought I had a baker's cyst, too..but it turned out to be a hamstring pull and a total meniscus tear. Mr Google was totally useless that time. It does help my memory for oldtimer questions, though..who is that actor?...what is the name of that song?..what does splendiferous mean, and is it a word, and how do you spell it?...Medical issues? no way-scares me to death!

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    1. I don't think I can have pulled anything. I don't move that much so I barely pull much more than a face these days.

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  11. So, have you had your leg amputated yet?

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    1. Your kind concern moves me, Friko.

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  12. I have died many times over on Google so am now forbidden to look up anything to do with medical issues by my long suffering husband, who is fed up with my hysteria as well as details of any symptoms I might be experiencing. And, sadly, I think it's from round about my age onward that if it doesn't ache, it probably doesn't work. Great post Fran :) Gave me a giggle (much needed on a Sunday evening)

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    1. Ha ha! Died so many times on Google! That is just how it is!

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